𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

66. Painfully Concious Actions

I'm pacing around the gym impatiently waiting for Raegan since she sent me a text telling me she's still going to meet up with me. I'd closed it early today because there's a huge snow storm brewing. I'm still hoping she'd be able to make it here. All I wanted to do was see her before she left. We didn't need to do anything sexual, even though yes, I would love to but it doesn't matter. I just want to see her.

I want to be alone with her without any prying eyes. I want to just look at her without anyone judging the way I'm doing so. I don't want to feel the judgment for loving a woman who's the mother of a son and the wife of another man. Because no matter what she was or is she's still Rae.

Rae. She's the woman I'm still in love with even after seven years. The woman who is still infatuated with me after all of these years. So, no, I don't give a single fuck what anyone thinks or how wrong this may seem to every other person. If you put yourself in my shoes you'd feel the same way.

The heart wants what it wants whether there's a wedding band tied to that or not. Paperwork is paperwork and metal is metal. A diamond is a diamond but it's not a heart. Not one that solely beats for one other person. And it's more than apparent Rae's heart still beat for me as mine has continuously beat for her.

Her body has changed after having someone else's child but it's still the most beautiful body to me. Her hips are a touch wider than they once were. Her stomach has marks it hadn't had before and is a touch softer than it used to be but she's still Rae. Rae will always be my Rae.

The most beautiful thing in my universe.

It doesn't matter. None of it matters as long as we're together. If her and Liam divorce I'm more than ready to take care of her and Jamie. I'd gladly help raise that little spitfire. He's a miniature Raegan. He's going to be a force to be reckoned with when he gets older. Which, if you ask me, would make him all the better boxer because of it.

My phone buzzes alerting me that Rae is indeed on her way here. She's just dropped Jamie off with my father and Katie. I'm assuming she got Liam to agree to one last playdate with Amelia. My father is going to know the moment he looks at Rae where she's going, I can almost guarantee that.

I pace around the gym a bit more feeling absolutely restless. All the feelings are going through me right now, every single one of them. I'm mad, sad, happy, angry; all of the emotions. I contemplate something in my brain for a moment but immediately shove that aside. I can't follow her to London. I really, really want to but Boston is my home and going to London would be next level stalker.

There are a few knocks at the door and my heart practically jumps right out of my chest knowing she's here. I go to the door and immediately open it. Her red hair is covered in the white powder from the snow that's steadily coming down outside.

I smile down to her and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly to me but she doesn't respond. She's as still as a small statue inside of my arms. My heart goes from beating out of my chest to plummeting to the fucking floor.

"So, this is it, huh?" I say as I pull away from her. When my eyes find hers they're hard, stern, not giving me anything, especially not love. "Alright," I nod my head a few times, looking away from her, "just came back to fuck with my heart all over again." She doesn't say anything. I'm sure she's just staring at me, giving me nothing and I can't look into her eyes and see that. "Yeah, I get it. Why not punch out another hole in my heart? Why not just make it fucking impossible for me to ever fucking move on, right? Just fuck me all up again. Why not just-"

I'm cut off by the sound of a sob that escapes her mouth. My head snaps directly back to her body that is now wracking with endless cries. I pull her back into my arms and she clings to me for dear life. I kiss the top of her head murmuring I'm sorry, telling her I love her, I'll always love her.