SONDER (IV): tmr thomas

005: I should be skeptical

Leo 5

"Why were you hugging him like that?" Newt demands, his voice harsh and low.

I shrug my shoulders, glancing back over at Thomas. Minho is wrapped tightly around the poor kid, Dawn just behind him. "Like what?"

"Quit staring at him," Newt snaps. I turn back to face him. His brow is furrowed over tight eyes that I don't think I recognize. He grabs my hands tightly. "Did something happened between you and Thomas on the mountain?"

Does he seriously mean when we were kidnapped? "Seriously? I-I don't know what-"

"Then why are you stuttering like that?" Newt demands. He grips me tighter. "Are you in love with him?"

"What's gotten into you?" I try to recoil my hands, but he is holding on to me tighter. "Let go."

Laughter erupts behind me. It distracts Newt for a second. He lets me pull away, and I run up to pull Thomas away from Teresa, and the boys laughing at them.

Are you ever partially awake and yet mostly asleep? The part at the end of a night where you've slept in for twelve or so hours, and you are able to control what you are dreaming? Where your eyes flutter open and shut, and you are aware that at any moment, you might be forced to wake up?

"Harriet, Newt, Amie, Hank, Dawn, and Lott."

I stop breathing when I hear Newt's name. He stiffens beside me, his tight jaw loosening. I can feel his heartbeat stopping beside me. Unlike mine though, I don't feel it start again.

The second time my breathing stops, is when I hear Dawn's name. It kills me. It buries my body. I try to see her through the crowd, but she is at the very back with Minho. For a second, it feels like she is already dead.

"I'm sorry," Newt whispers to me. I don't know why, or what for, since he could be talking to himself or to nobody. There are a thousand things unsaid between us.

When they force me to leave him, I stop breathing for a third time. I leave my pulse in his hands, hoping it brings him back to life.

I wake up, the lights buzzing in my skull. I don't know how long I've slept, which has begun to become a very typical thing for me here. Without my watch in windowless rooms, it's pretty much impossible to tell if it is the day or the night.

In fact, I could be nocturnal now. That's how out of control of my life I've gotten.

"How do we break out?" Dawn is continuing to pace around.

"What?" I try not to groan, rubbing my eyes.

"Good, sleeping beauty is awake," Jay rolls his eyes. It looks like he hasn't moved from where he leans against the wall. "Maybe you can talk some sense into them."

He doesn't elaborate on what kind of sense they need talking into, or who they are, but his point is firm. I pull myself into a sitting position, noticing Sheil just beside me. Michelle and Lott are both sitting on the ground, staring at each other.

I wonder if they slept too. Maybe I'm the only one who has fallen asleep.

"We're breaking out," Sheil tells me. "We are just trying to figure out how."

"You are breaking out," Jay corrects, pulling himself up off the wall. He stands firmly against the ground. Dawn has to skirt around him as she continues to pace on and on. I wonder if this is what she did in the days she was trapped alone in a dark room. "I'm staying right here."