Being

Pills

Josephine's POV
When we get home I go straight to my room, and pull out my meth containers. I put the the liquid in my syringes & injected it inside of me. My eyes rolled back and my hand dropped. My body felt numb. Numb. I thought. That's a feeling I feel often. Is that normal? Should I feel this way? What other ways are there to feel? Do other people feel this way? What is wrong with me?
"Sweetheart," my mom said walking into my room, "oh my god," she saw my needles and all of my bottles. My mom gazed at the sight of her daughter injecting things into her body.
"You need to get help."
"I don't need help," I replied.
"This? This is not needing help?"
I looked at her.
"What have I done wrong in raising you?"
I looked down.
"Everything. I've done everything wrong," she said as she walked out of my room.
I got up and went to my bathroom, opened the cabinet.
I hope I die this time, I thought to myself.
I took out a couple bottles of pills, and set them on the counter.
Then I went to my room and got a pen and paper. I wrote the following words:

I'm going to kill myself. I deserve to die. Right now. I'm always making you feel like you do everything wrong, mom. I'm sick of being numb. I want to die. Hopefully I'll succeed so I won't ever have to face anyone again. If you find me, mom, I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you. It's over now.
-Josephine.

I dumped a bottle of pills into my mouth, and quickly stuck my mouth to the sink faucet and chugged a bunch of water. Now for the next bottle. I did the same thing for two more bottles and I already start feeling sick to my stomach. I rush to the toilet and hover over it. Puke starts spewing out of my mouth. After maybe five minutes it stopped. But then it started again. Now it won't stop. My throat is burning, and my stomach aches. I'm in so much pain. This is the way I'm meant to die. I know it. Painful, long death.
"Josephine."
My head jerked up at the sound of my moms voice.
"Josephine!" She pounded on the door.
It's now silent besides my throwing up.
She comes back a few minutes later, picks the lock and rushes in.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. What the fuck did you do?"
She picked up the note that was on the counter and started crying.
I wish she would stop this stupid crying shit. It's really getting on my nerves. The puking finally stops. It's all over my shirt and my face.
"Come get in the car. Now," she said sniffling.