Unchained Melody // Johnnyboy

Chapter 8

TW : panic attack

~

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame"

Ponyboys POV

I was unbelievably pissed off. I was tired of being hurt.

I had punched the wall so many times at this point, I've lost count.

Why couldn't he just say he didn't like me? Maybe he did it out of pity. Maybe he did it to use me. I don't know. And that's what pisses me off.

I don't wanna see him. If I do, I'll end up screaming at him.

"Ponyboy? Kid, can you please come out? Johnny wants to talk to you." Two-Bit says from outside of the room.

"No! I don't wanna see him!" I scream back. I start sobbing again.

"P-Ponyboy please...I j-just want to talk." I hear Johnny say and I just want to scream. I was in no mood.

"I said no! Go away!" I punch the door with all my force. My knuckle now hurts but I don't care. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop being upset is the one who made you upset in the first place?

I can try to pretend, I can to forget. I can lie to myself all I want. But none of it will work.

I still want Johnny Cade.

Johnny's POV

"I don't know what to do, kid. He ain't gonna open the door." Two-Bit said. I got an idea but it ain't a very good one.

I'm gonna do it anyways though.

"Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to find another way in." Two-Bit looked at me in confusion. The only other way in was the window. I didn't care, though. The windows don't ever lock.

"What do you- aw, come on Johnny. That ain't good for your injuries. Plus, there's just a spare- damn it." Two-Bit was trying to change my mind but it ain't gonna work. I already made my decision. I'm going in through that window.

He has to talk to me. He has to let me explain everything. I feel like an asshole.

I run to the window, and use a crowbar to open it. I look inside and see Ponyboy leaning against the door with a surprised expression on his face.

"Johnnycake! What the fuck are you doing?" Ponyboy yelled. He still used my nickname. He didn't COMPLETELY hate me.

"Ponyboy I- let me just-" I struggled to climb through the window but I got through. I mean, I fell on my ass, but I succeeded at getting in.

"Johnny..." He had a softness in his eyes. It only lasted for a minute before turning into pure anger.

"Get out. I dont even wanna see your face right now." I gulped. If I hadn't of been so stupid then we would be together right now. He would be in my arms, looking at me with love in his eyes. Instead of standing in front of me, glaring daggers into my soul.

"Pone, please just let me explain." I beg. But it only seems to make him madder.

"There's nothing to explain!" God, I felt terrible. He looked like he had been crying. Hell, I wanted to cry. I didn't wanna lose him.

"Please! Please just let me explain!" I'm aware of how desperate I sound but I dont care. I'm such a fool for him.

"Explain what? That you used me!? That you felt sorry for me?! That you know I l-love you but you don't care! I know you like Angela, you dont need to tell me! I don't wanna see you! Leave now!" My heart breaks as he says these things. I hurt him. I never wanted to do that.

"Oh my god no! You've got it all wrong! Ponyboy I-" He cuts me off.

"Just shut up! I don't wanna hear it!" He wont let me explain and I completely understand why. But I have to try. I can't lose him.

He's all I got.

"Please just-" I try to grab his arm but he pushes me back. Not hard enough to knock me over, just to move me back. But god. He pushed me.

I think he realized what he just did because he seemed to lose the angry look in his eyes.

"Oh god! Johnny, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean too!" His voice breaks. I can't move. I'm too shocked.

He hates me. He absolutely hates me.

And why? Because I'm a good for nothing, useless, piece of shit.

Its all my fault. He hates me and there's nothing I can do. I ruined everything.

I can't breathe.

I have to leave. I have to fucking leave.

I walk to the door and he tries to stop me but I get out of his grip.

He dont want me around anymore. No one does. Not my parents, not the gang, not Ponyboy, nobody.

I should've just killed myself.

Two-Bit tries to stop me as I walk out but I ignore him. I have to leave this house.

It's like I became deaf. My ears were ringing and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I walked out of the house and towards the lot.

I felt an overwhelming since of doom. I feel like I'm about to die. I dont know what's happening.

My chest really hurts. I feel like I can't breathe. I'm shaking uncontrollably but I keep walking. I don't make it very far before I stop again.

Tears are pouring down my cheeks uncontrollably. Ponyboy hates me. He hates me. Everything is my fault. No one wants me around. I should just die. I'm a mistake. I ruin everything. Ponyboy doesn't love me anymore.

"Johnny?" A voice calls out but it sounds like a far away echo.

"Jesus Christ, man! He's shaking like a dog!" I realize I'm hyperventilating. The whole world is spinning. I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I think I fell over, but I can't tell.

God, why is it so hard to breathe?

"Johnny!"

That's the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

Ponyboys POV

"Johnny!" I scream as I run towards my best friend who just passed out. I think he just had a panic attack.

It was my fault. What the hell was I thinking? I should've just let him explain!

I kneel down next to him and run my fingers through his hair. Im freaking out. It seems the rest of the gang appeared too.

"Call an ambulance!" One of them yelled. It was past midnight, so I knew I wouldn't be able to go to the hospital with him. Damn it.

This is my fault. If something bad happens, then I'll never forgive myself.

"Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, enfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me"