The Lively Lilac

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: The wedding

Mary was in the carriage, on her way to the church. She was nervous, though she did not know why. The vicar was to ask a question, and she knew her answer. She was also very certain of Eli's answer. Yet for some reason, there was a silly voice in her head that told her "mayhap not".

"Mary, breathe," Elizabeth told her. "You look like your stays are too tight."

"You are not regretting this, are you?" lady Anne asked, sitting next to Elizabeth and across from Mary.

"No, Mother, I am not. And no, sister, my stays are fine. I am merely very nervous."

"Ah, then it is good," lady Anne said as she leaned back in her chair. "Twould be odd if you were not."

"So it is normal I am nervous?" she asked. "It does not feel normal. Why should I be nervous while I know how things will go?"

"Tis very normal, alright," Elizabeth said as she took Mary's hand and squeezed it. "I was dying inside when I walked down the aisle toward William."

"But I am not walking down the aisle yet," Mary argued. "We are not even near the church."

"Yes, we are," Elizabeth corrected, and pointed through the carriage window. Mary followed her gaze and saw the big church coming into view. Many carriages were waiting near it, but there were no people. Everyone was probably inside, waiting for the bride to arrive.

"Stop looking like you will die," lady Anne sighed. Then she grinned. "I believe my mother told me the same words when I was on my way to the church."

"You were frightened to marry Father?" Mary asked.

"Everyone is frightened to get married, dear. But the fear is not for him changing his mind, for you know that will not happen. The fear is for losing the one you decide to promise forever to. Anything can happen at any moment, and that is why marriage is frightening. You promise your love, but you might end up being without him one day."

"Mother," Elizabeth carefully said, "mayhap you should not talk about bad things when your daughter is about to get married."

They turned their heads to look at Mary's frightened face. She had never thought of marriage that way. Twas a beautiful thought to fear marriage because losing your spouse is worse than losing a friend, but she did not want to think of Eli's death before they were even married.

Lady Anne sighed. "My last child is getting married. O, how silent the house will be without you, Mary."

"You say that with every child, Mother," Mary sighed.

"That does not mean I will not miss you."

Though Mary wanted to sigh at the pathetic words of her mother, she could not. They were kind words, and Mary was quite certain their mother would indeed feel lonely now that all her children were married and living outside the house.

Marriage was a promise, lady Anne had told her. A promise to love and cherish your spouse, to be with him forever. She had said she does not agree with the words the vicar says, for it makes women look like a possession.

Luckily Mary had already been to multiple weddings before, and she could easy recite the vicar's words. She knew exactly how submissive she ought to be according to the promise. But she did not want to be submissive. She was a woman of her own will, with her own strength and her own opinions. So she had told Eli that...

"About the wedding," she had started, while fidgeting with her dress. "I do not want to be your property."

"Good," he had simply responded. "For I do not want to own you."