Poems

Collecting Bits and Pieces

This is for my Book Twisted Chapter 8

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I watch my life as it is...a cord. Tightening as a hardship comes or as im loosing it.

It tightens with pressure and soon it snaps.

All the beads fall to the floor rolling in every which way.

Leaving me to find and pick up the pieces.

I scurry to pick up all of them.

Collecting my memories and problems and putting them back in order.

Taking days and days to finally find all of them.

And soon as they are all arranged back into place my patience snaps as does my hope
Now I have to start all over again.

Again i try but it doesnt help

Peoples voices.

i keep trying and i soon realize no matter how hard i try it finds a way to turn out bad.

but i dont believe or trust or listen to myself because

i have done so many bad things

and i wish i had trusted myself becasuse i wouldnt be in this mess

But i dont trust myself to not do something.

I realize that i should have listened to myself.

But i never do because i cannot trust myself.

You say i have to take medications.

Guess what NO

Because i am not going to let some stupid chemicals change who i maW

If you cant take me the way i am

then i guess its your loss now isnt it?

Because this is who i am and some people actually appreciate me for me.

Not just what medicines makes of me. or turns me into

If one good thing is good something else goes wrong.

Nothing can ever be good forever.

i was stupid to believe so

People lying to me to save my feelings.

Do you ever even think of how i feel?

Do you have feelings?

I dont ever ask for anything

I stay to myself and be fake to my friends 

Yet when i ask for something you never let me have it.

What do i have to do to ever get on your good side

I do everything you ask and yet i feel as if i am not good enough.

Why is this?

Because my life is bad enough.

You never let me in!

So i am going to try one more time...

But here i am again looking for that missing bead that i still cant find to your heart