Love Me Anyway

Four

Authors Note:
Hello!
I just wanted to say hi and give a little warning. I wrote this story on the mcr fanfiction website and decided to bring it here.
Anyway, I put a warning on here just in case some things might be triggering. So I hope you like the story so far and what not.
Enjoy!
-Kaylee

I woke up the next morning at my desk. I was laying on my drawing I had been working on. I really don't even remember falling asleep. My head was pounding and my stomach grumbled. I looked down at my phone. 9:30 am. Damn, this was the earliest I had woken up all summer. I also saw that Frank texted me an hour before. I replied, apologizing and telling him I had just woken up. I was half tempted to go back to bed, but my stomach growled louder than before and I decided I should at least eat once today.

When I got up to the kitchen, I smelt moms perfume, fill the air. It was the sweet kind that made you felt comfortable to be around, even if it wasn't exactly perfect comfort.
Mikey's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me, chocking on the spoonful of cereal he had just taken.
"Holy shit, Gerard-"
"Michael James Way!" Mom yelled. "Don't you talk like that in my house!" She continued. Mikey scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm glad to see you're awake though, Gerard." She ended, kissing my cheek softly while I grabbed a bowl for my cereal.
My relationship with my mom wasn't the best. I loved her, and I knew she loved me, but there's something's she's done, or hasn't done, that I could never forgive her for. And she knew it.

I felt a startle in my chest when Mikey, almost fell out of his chair from the news on the television. He told mom and I to shush, even though neither of us were talking.
"This is that murder thing that was near the old house!" He squealed.
I became a little intrigued from how excited he was and listened in.
"Detectives still have no suspect to this crime. They have found more than ten bodies in the cell-like, underground hole, cut up and disassembled in very different ways." They should body bags stacked upon each other. "None of the bodies, however, have not been identified. Detectives are also taking the weapons left behind, to do tests for fingerprints." They showed more bags. One wasn't completely closed an all you could see was a hand.
I started to feel my chest tighten. Flashbacks played in my head. Over and over again. My hands and forehead became sweaty and I felt like I was going to implode. I felt like I was spinning continuously, like a fucking top. Before I knew it, I was grabbing moms keys to the car, also grabbing my cigarettes before speeding out of the neighborhood like a fucking maniac, not giving a shit if I really was speeding.

I found myself laying on the ground of a room that was all to familiar for me. I forced myself to keep my eyes opened, because when I closed them, the voices became louder.
He wouldn't stop. He was yelling and screaming at me. I was screaming back from the top of my lungs, begging my dad to stop.
"I'm sorry, Gerard. I love you." I watched as his body hit the ground like a building being torn down. The matter that was splatter on the ceiling was now slowly falling, one piece at a time. I froze as he lay there, his now lifeless body just pouring out the the only thing that kept him alive.
"Gerard open your eyes."
I was still screaming, tears free falling form my eyes. I felt like my body was being thrown back and forth between the walls of my old bedroom. He was still here. I felt his eyes stare at me.
"Gerard, open your eyes."
"You're not real! You're dead!"
"Gerard I am very much alive. Open your eyes." the voice didn't sound like his anymore but it was still familiar. I opened my eyes. It wasn't him, like I was excepting, but it was Ray, my old neighbor and best friend, "You're okay."
My breathing was still heavy and my face was dripping with sweat and embarrassment that he was seeing me like this. I was nothing but embarrassed that he was seeing me like this. I know he's my best friend but I had always made sure that no one saw my bad side, not even Mikey. "Gerard, your bedroom window is straight across from mine. I've seen you like this before."
Okay maybe I lied.
"Why are you here?" He asked.
I looked around the room. It was bare but the creamish walls were still the same as I left it. I never bothered painting it, my posters covered it up anyway.
"I-I was- I don't know." I said softly, still trying to catch my breath. I was sitting up by now.
"Did you bring cigarettes?"
I nodded and pulled my lighter and pack out of my pocket. Ray took both and lit one for me and one for himself.
We sat in silence for five minuets, just enjoying each other's person and breathing in each other's smoke.
"It was the new cases that have been showing up, wasn't it."
I nodded, "yeah Mikes is like obsessed with it." I took another drag. "I, on the other hand, am not a big fan." I laughed dryly and so did Ray.
I missed him. I had only been gone a week and a half and I felt miserable.
"I'm glad you're here." He said, more like a confession. "Even if you're having a mental breakdown." He smiled at me and helped me up and hugged me. It wasn't like a dumb, bro hugs, but a nice friendly hug that was much needed. "I missed you and so did Ma."
I laughed. "I thought she'd be a little relieved you guys would have food this month."
He chuckled and smiled, "she was at first." He took a drag. "But then she realized that I was too quiet and that she loves the loudness more than the quiet."
We laughed and finished our cigarettes. "She knows you're here," he said softly, "and she's making your favorite."

We went back to his house and even though I had already eaten, Ray's mom always made the best baked mac n cheese. We are in his room and talked for three hours, just about things. I told him about Frank and how the three of us should hang out some time. He agreed.
By the end of our conversation I felt tired and just wanted to crash in his bed like I used to when we were still neighbors. I decided that if I left then, I could just go home and sleep. I said my good byes and walked back to my car and went back home.
I got home two hours later. When I opened the door, I was bombarded by mom and Mikey. Mom eyes were watering and Mikey stood emotionless. She hugged me tightly and told me I was going to be okay. She knew why I left.
"Have you been taking you're medication?"
I hadn't taken anything for about a month, but she didn't need to know, so I just nodded. I was doing fine without them, today being the only day that I had an episode.
"Just make sure you keep taking them. I can't lose anyone again." She said squeezing me again. She eventually let me go and I went down into my room, with Mikey following. He sat down next to me on my bed.

"Gee," he sighed, "was it dad?"
I looked up at him, "yeah. It was."
"Did you see him? Like his face?"
I shook my head. "No..."
He grabbed me and held me close. I wrapped my arms around his skinny little body. He buried his head in the crook of my neck. I heard him whimper a few times.
"I just miss him, Gee."
"I know, Mikes. I know."
I held him there for what felt like ages. I let him cry for as long as he needed. I was feeling numb by now and very tired.

After a while I was sure he was asleep, but I didn't really care. I laid him down and shimmied out from underneath him and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. My black hair looked greasy and longer than I'd like but I didn't really care anymore.
I started the shower and waited for the water to run hot. Once it did, I jumped in, feeling the beads slice through my skin. I sighed as I tried to let my mind go blank. I closed my eyes and washed my body.
When I was done with my shower, I took my pills and went back to my bed where Mikey's was still sleeping. I closed my eyes once I hit my pillow, hoping I wouldn't dream about anything. And thankfully I didn't.