heartsick.

one

   
    it was strange. the young woman's day had been so gloomy and she felt so sad, but she could not understand why. she sighed as she walked into her apartment and set her purse and coat down on the couch before letting her eyes roam around the small flat. even the place where she felt most comfortable felt the exact opposite.

it really felt so strange.

was it because her mother was in the hospital all the way on the other side of the country? the young woman shook her head at her thought. it wasn't that. yes, she was upset that her mother was gravely ill, but the reason why her day felt so melancholic was not that. she just had a hunch that it wasn't. so what could it be?

she shuffled over to her answering machine and pressed down the play button to check if she had any voice messages. the first was an advertisement for some new grocery store that opened up a few blocks away from her building. the second was her friends calling from what sounded like a night club because of the loud electronic music in the background. the third and fourth were about bills she had to pay. the female was ready to skip the rest, thinking they were probably all about things she had very minimal care for (other than the bills of course :)).

she had her finger hovering over the button and was ready to turn it off but a familiar voice stopped her." jisu?"

her heart felt like it dropped when she heard his voice say her name. she hadn't spoken to him in years and it hurt how his heavenly voice sounded so sad—so heartbroken just like she had been feeling all day for no actual reason.

the girl was so confused. she was convinced he hated her, so why was he calling? how did he even get her number? why was he so upset?

she let her hand fall back down to her side slowly as she listened to him speak." i'm not sure if it's you—ah.. sorry if it isn't. but if it is, this is kim namjoon. you probably don't remember me-"

of course i remember you namjoon.

"i'm jung hoseok's friend... i hope you at least remember who he is." jisu gnawed on her bottom lip anxiously at his tone of voice, which now had a hint of anger behind it. he stopped for a few seconds before he continued to speak, probably to calm himself down.

he does hate me.

"i decided to call because—well, i wanted to inform you that hoseok passed away two days ago. i thought it'd be fair to let you know, you know... because you were the last woman he loved after all," namjoon took long pauses with every few words and it didn't take long for jisu to process what he said.

after going over his words again in her head, jisu gasped and brought a hand over her mouth, shocked by the words that she heard. she felt her stomach drop and suddenly felt like throwing up.

no. it can't be, the young woman thought. it can't be possible, hoseok was perfectly healthy before i left. he had never been sick a day in his life. this isn't real. this can't be real.

this isn't real. this is a nightmare. wake up jisu! wake up!

jisu shut her eyes for a few seconds and opened them again to see she was in the same small apartment and that's when it hit her.

jung hoseok, the man who she had left without any notice was dead. the man who she so desperately wanted to love back, but just couldn't because she was too deeply in love with his best, friend was dead.

jisu's legs felt weak and she held herself up using her dining table, gripping it with her shaky hands. her head hurt and her vision blurred because of the tears that welled up in her tired eyes. the girl felt like she would faint any second now.

was this why she had been feeling so upset? that same gut feeling told her it was.

"his memorial is on sunday of this weekend, at 11am. so yeah, that's all. have a nice evening miss jisu." namjoon did not hang up right away and jisu could hear the faint sniffles and cries of others in the background. he must've been calling her from hoseok's funeral service. the voicemail ended after a few seconds with a beep also indicating that she had no more left.

oh, hoseok, jisu thought as the first few tears rolled down her cheeks. i'm so sorry.

it had been years since jisu ever cried but that night, she did. she let out all the bottled up emotions she had been holding in since she last saw hoseok. the girl stumbled down on a chair and sobbed all night, reminiscing about the beautiful boy whose heart she broke years ago. the boy whom she never deserved and she now could never apologize to.

-
does anyone want to listen to spring day with me and cry? 😔