Reawaken

1.

1971

Late August

     I wasn't raised to believe in fairytales. But growing up I did have plenty of big dreams.

     At night when lightning bugs would imitate the night sky, I'd imagine them all of them as a wish. I imagined those fireflies as all my dreams. Each one flashing as a different idea, warming my little heart. I wish I could see the world, I wish I was rich, I wish for a better life for me and Daddy, I'd say, and moments later those little bugs would light up in my sight every which way, as if granting my prayers. Those wishes were what helped to motivate me, igniting a fire inside my tiny soul that was so hard to get out.

     I wanted to believe those little bugs were a sign sent to me, a sign that my life would get changed for the better. Who knew that lightning bugs could sing songs of jazz and bring light not only to the airy night sky, but to love and freedom.

     I grew up in a small town outside of Montgomery, Alabama, where it was just me and my Daddy – his name was Lincoln Claude, and my Nana, Rutha Mae Claude; living on a small slab of land. My mama ran off when I was a baby. It never bothered me much because my Daddy was my world. We didn't have much, but Daddy said we had each other, that was enough for him. And with him by my side, it was enough for me.

     Daddy insisted I get an education, something no one in my family had ever obtained. I loved reading and writing, so Daddy did all he could to make sure I kept my head in the books. He'd have me read to him some nights, which is silly – because Daddy's are supposed to read to their kids. But I loved reading to him, my favorite books or even stories I would create my own crazy dreams.

     Daddy told me I was gonna make my mark in this life – somehow. And boy, was he right.

     We were poor as dirt. Nana was too old to garden and sell crops like she used to. And Daddy didn't want me to quit my studies to become "lowly farmer". Daddy didn't want that for himself either. He was never a man for "honest work", Nana would tell me.

     So, for me and Nana, he found a way.

     That's when he started getting into some business. Like hiding corn whiskey jugs under the planks of our patio; gambling games like craps and poker at the local juke joints and running scams with some people up to no good. Daddy ain't like discussing this business with me, but he knew I won't no fool.

     Nana would have fits some days hearing about the things Daddy was into. Neither of them wanted me to get caught up in that mess. Every Sunday, Nana was stuffing me in frilly dresses and thick stockings, with a bible in my hand sitting at the first pew in the chapel. She'd have hands laid on me to protect me from sin. But my daddy... Daddy taught me those tricks so I would know better.

     Daddy said I had wit, which is different than just being smart. And learning all those tricks he used to play – three card monte, craps, poker, spades; I was almost better at these games than he was.

     He taught me that you had to do whatever you could to take care of those you loved. And I knew he loved me to the moon. He told me I had something in me, something he never had. And I was gonna be much better than any of us. I was gonna be somebody.

     Too bad I'd never know who that was. When I was sixteen, Daddy's scamming ways caught up to him and they found his body behind one of the juke joints he'd gamble at. My whole world began to crumple before my eyes.

     I only made one wish on the billions of fireflies I'd see at night after that.

     My Daddy taught me things about the world that made me strong, he believed in me. He's the reason why I am the way I am.