These days I feel a bit more insecure than usual. I don't know why. Every time I feel good about myself, I quickly fall back into feeling terrible. I'm not sure why, but I go out without wearing makeup and regret it the moment I leave the house. I feel ugly and feel like I'm not attractive. I feel upset with myself for not dressing up more and looking more presentable. I look at my face and feel like my features are flat. Why can't I be content with myself anymore?
I feel nervous and I feel like I'm not good enough. Am I doing enough? How can I improve so that I am enough? Is he settling for me and I just don't know it? Why won't he tell me? Why is he even with me? I don't know anymore. I can't even call him to tell him how I feel because I'm scared he won't understand.
I can't function like I used to. I feel insignificant and I feel like people don't really want to be friends with me. My presence isn't desired. I have trouble connecting with others while others are forming bonds. Why can't I make friends anymore? I am usually very good at it. I always made friends. Is it because of what happened? Maybe I have become dirty and lost my shine... maybe I am not worthy of friends anymore.. Am I even worthy of being here?
How do I know if I belong? I keep trying and trying to make connections with people, but I keep failing. I'm being genuine and outgoing, but I feel that people do not want to accept another person into their friends. They've already formed a concise group without me. And now I have nowhere to go or space to fill. So now I wander around being known as the "funny" or "friendly" girl, but I don't really belong anywhere. No one really wants me.
I'm lost
