Liability

Chapter 8

"Mikey..."

Mikey sat on the floor of the lab with a bottle in hand. Pills were scattered all around him, almost as if they were taunting him, begging to be taken, and he was giving in. He desperately tried to stop but his body wouldn't listen. His hands reached out and grabbed up handfuls of the pills. He screamed, writhing in pain as he tried to stop himself, but his efforts were in vain. He shoved the pills into his mouth as he screamed and began to choke. 

"Mikey."

Mikey's mind reeled back, and his body jerked up, reacting to the hand that was shaking him. His eyelids flew open, the way automatic blinds do when they are ready to let in the light.

Donnie was standing above him with a bowl. 

"Goodmorning, I brought some oatmeal..."

Mikey took a deep breath and reached his trembling hands out to grab the bowl. He peered down at it, letting its warm sensation against his palms soothe him.

"How did you make oatmeal?" Mikey asked with a glint of humor in his blue eyes.

Donnie chuckled. "Raph went out and bought some microwave oatmeal packets this morning."

Mikey's smile faltered. "He did that?"

Donnie nodded. "He did it for you."

"But he could've been caught!"

"Well, I wasn't," Raph said coming out from behind Donnie. "And it was still pretty dark anyway."

Mikey sat up gingerly and took a bite of the warm contents of the ceramic bowl. 

"Thank you."

"Hey, little brother," Leo greeted as he trudged into the room.

"Hi."

Mikey continued eating but felt uneasy as his brothers stood there watching him. He lowered the spoon from his mouth and set the bowl down. 

"Uh..."

"Mikey."

Mikey blinked as Donnie slowly pushed him back down onto the pillows.

"We need to talk."

Mikey gulped, this is what he had wanted to avoid.

"About?"

"Why you started taking pills. Don't even try to lie."

Mikey shot Raph a nervous glance. Donnie raised an eyebrow.

"Go on, " Raph urged. "Tell them."

"Tell us what?"

Mikey gave a small sigh and carefully fixed the corner of the blanket that had folded over. 

"I dunno. I felt guilty for letting you guys get hurt and well, it's hard not to feel so worthless when you guys are here to remind me... The pills, they took some of that pain away."

Leo and Donnie were staring at him with unreadable expressions. The only thing that kept Mikey from running to hide from their eyes was the way Raph was glaring at the floor. 

"I'm sorry, I know I should do better and-"

"No, it's my fault, " Raph interrupted.

Mikey gaped at his older brother. 

"What are you talking about Raph?"

"I'm the one who called him names and didn't realize my words hurt him..."

Raph lowered his head, but to Mikey's surprise, Leo set a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Raph, you weren't the only one."

Donnie nodded, guilt finally showing in his features. "We're all to blame here."

Mikey shook his head vigorously. "No, no, you don't understand!"

Leo turned to him with a questioning look.

"It's not your guy's fault, yeah, what you say does hurt me, but it's my own fault for not paying attention and goofing off, and making the dumb decision to take the pills in the first place..."

Donnie peered at the ground with a thinking face before peering back up to the youngest.

"Mikey, we don't want you to change, we love you just the way you are, it's just sometimes we let anger take us over. Especially when I don't get sleep, the smallest things tick me off sometimes. I'm sorry."

"Mikey, we're sorry, I should have been a better leader... a better brother. I failed you."

"No, no, Leo, no. You didn't fail me!" Mikey exclaimed, more tears escaping their confines.

"It's my fault, I was being selfish, not thinking that sometimes you guys suffer too, and the thought of taking my own life was-"

"Take your own life?!" Don shrieked.

"Mikey... Did you really?"

Mikey only clutched his sheets tightly in his fists, dropping his gaze from their eyes. 

"Mikey..." Raph's voice trembled.

Mikey let a sob rip from his throat and suddenly there were three pairs of arms wrapping around him as he let the flood of tears burst from within. 

"Hey, you're ok, you're alright, we've got you."

His body was racked by violent sobs as they held the youngest. When his crying subsided to occasional sniffles, the brothers finally moved apart, except for Mikey who had his face buried in Raph's plastron, away from the other eyes watching, a bright blush appearing on his freckled cheeks.

"What?" His older brother questioned gently.

"It's embarrassing, " he muttered, slightly lifting his head.

Leo kneeled beside Mikey.

"Don't be ashamed Mikey."

"Crying shows weakness..."

"No Mikey, it shows that you are hurting, and everyone hurts at some point, we ain't perfect."

"Not at all, " Donnie agreed. "We all screw up sometimes, mistakes are how we learn, as cliche as that sounds." Donnie paused setting a hand on Mikey's head. "And if we accept that and learn from it, what is there to be ashamed of?"

Mikey stayed silent, his head hung.He drew a tight breath, his mind raking through the range of emotions he was feeling. He found himself smiling and when he finally looked up, his brother's faces had lit up. 

"Mikey, we don't want to lose you. You may not realize it, but our family would crumble without you..."

"I'm sorry, I was being selfish, thinking that I would just abandon my responsibilities in life, and not even care how it would affect you guys..." 

His brothers simply shook their heads.

"It's ok Mikey, we forgive you."