Falling Behind - A Twice AU

Confidence

I turned off the bathroom sink after I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth. I took a look in the mirror and softly frowned at the girl reflecting my facial expression. We were scheduled for a photo shoot tomorrow afternoon, but I didn't feel particularly strong about my appearance.

I'm shorter than Chaeyoung-unnie by five centimeters and it makes me stand out. My nickname from my members is Jwi ( 쥐 ) because of it.

My facial features are typical of a generic KPOP idol, showing no significant distinction.
My teeth are perfectly straight and white, but it never gives off a special vibe when I smile.

I prefer to keep my hair in a bun as I let my front bangs curl over my forehead. My side bangs curl down to my jawline, giving me a "nerd trying to look beautiful" kind of hairstyle.

I don't know what I would call myself, but it was far from what my unnies were.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pajamas and I took it out.

It was a notification from one of the blogging sites I followed. I already felt insecure after I read the title.

"Why is Lee Y/N in the famous KPOP girl group Twice?"

I took in a deep breath before opening my phone, navigating to the post.

"While it is widely accepted that Twice is one of the greatest KPOP groups to ever grace the industry, Lee Y/N's presence has been controversial over the years. It is well known that JYP Entertainment issued a statement that explained the decision of including her, but it didn't stop the public from expressing their opinions."

There was more to the post, but I scrolled down to the comments to see what people were saying.

I already knew what to expect, but I carried on regardless.

"Uhh... Who is Lee Y/N again?"
(5k likes, 2k replies)

"She's just there to look pretty. Besides her dancing skills, her singing is mediocre at best. Probably why they made her the backup vocalist."
(10k likes, 4K replies)

"Why would you put someone in a group solely because of 'how well they work with others'? Is that what qualifies people to become idols nowadays? What about overall individual skill? What about having character? I can see why people consider her worthless to Twice."
(30k likes, 7k replies)

I felt tears fall from my eyes as I read the comments.

Becoming an idol was always a dream of mine. I looked up to idols when I was younger and they made me so happy. Even if they weren't the best looking or couldn't dance, sing, or rap as well as others, they were still an important part in people's lives. I wanted to become one so that I could provide the same happiness to someone in the world, even if it was just one person.

But... It seemed that the standards had changed.

I sulked down at my phone for a few more moments before I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Y/N-ah?" asked a worried voice from the other side.

It startled me, but I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and cleared my throat. I put on my best smile before opening the door, revealing Chaeyoung-unnie.

"I'm sorry, did I take a while?" I asked innocently.

She looked at me suspiciously before nodding. "You took a little longer than usual. But, you should really go to bed. We have that photo shoot tomorrow, remember?"

I decided to act dumb and pretended to be shocked. "Ahh.. I'm so dumb. I completely forgot. Thank you for reminding me, unnie."

I walked past her as natural as I could, but I caught a glimpse of the same suspicious expression before she went to shut off the light in the bathroom.

I laid down on my bed and didn't bother covering myself with a blanket. Instead, I hugged my pillow close to my chest and tried to force myself to sleep.

It was really difficult with my emotions still flowing around, but I knew what would calm me down as I thought about a certain squirrel next to me.

I left one of my hands open on the bed as I imagined her next to me. I could see the adorable smile that always melted my heart. Her hand grabbed my own and squeezed it tightly as she closed her eyes happily.

She was my confidence.

"Good night, Jwi~" I imagined her saying to me.

I softly smiled back at her and shut my eyes.

"Good night, Sana."