Paralyzed Love ✓

seventeen

Ava cannot look at Jesse for the rest of the day. What exactly is up between them? She doesn't know.

Ava rejoins the group during lunch and the rest of the week is quiet. Jesse and Ava talk, but it's not about anything important. She sits beside Jesse in class again and mostly they fidget. She can feel him watching her all day, all week long. She watches him too, but they don't go back home together anymore. Jesse packs his bag slower than usual to let Ava leave first.

The video goes viral and the teachers do take note of that. Meara and Tristen are being questioned by the teachers, but nothing big actually happen to them after all, according to Ava's knowledge. She doesn't care if they have consequences, because all she knows is that she and Jesse are not going to work, they are despairing.

Ava's mental illnesses are not a secret anymore after the video, but that doesn't mean that they get anywhere better. Her panic attacks still haunt her like being lost in a dark cavern.

Jesse is sitting right next to Ava, and Ava feels it again. Her throat clogs up and feels as if she's suffocating. The world is falling apart, she knows she needs to leave this classroom immediately. She can't breathe. She can't blink. Tears flush into her eyes like burning flashes. She yanks up her schoolbag and unzips the front pocket. Her chest is numb. She takes out the white container with her wobbling hands.

"Ava?" Jesse's voice shakes in concern.

Ava gasps in and chokes out, "Mr. Bisset I need the toilet."

Mr. Bisset is in the middle of reading a French passage. "Pourquoi tu ne l'as pas dit en français?" (Why didn't you say it in French?)

Breathlessness racks Ava as she shakes her head in terror. "I-"

"Mr. Bisset, it's not like that, she needs the toilet now. Can't you see her now? She can't even breathe!" Jesse's voice interrupts Ava and startles her. Ava gapes at him with her quivering jaw.

Mr. Bisset raises an eyebrow and stares at both of them. He presses his lips and nods. Ava's eyes stay still on Jesse, still in shock. She dashes out the classroom a few seconds later.

She covers her mouth with her palm, trying not to let out a scream. Her heart pounds vigorously. She lets out a breath with her hand still blocking her mouth, the warmth of the breath soars up to her eyes. She lets go of her hand and sighs.

She props her arms on the edge of the sink table and closes her eyes. Jesse's face appears, Jesse's voice rings. She opens her eyes, Jesse's face appears, Jesse's voice rings.

She stares at the mirror, her eyes are red and cheeks glossy with tears sticking on them. She sniffs.

"Jesse, how do you actually feel about me?" She mumbles to herself.

Moments later, she yanks open the bathroom door and bolts back to the classroom. She pushes open the door, and Jesse looks up. His gaze softens.

She shambles towards her seat and sits down, her knees are weak. She props her elbow onto her desk and holds her chin, keeping her head down. Her body rises and falls with the shuddering sob.

Her other hand is still on her lap, but then she feels a grip on her hand.

She jerks her head up.

Jesse turns his head to Ava, tilting his head at her. He slides his fingers in between Ava's and tightens his grip, their palms kiss.

A staggering shock of energy shoots straight into Ava's veins. Straight into her heart. Her jaw unhinges and she turns to Jesse, gaze wavering.

"It's fine," Jesse whispers. He gives her a reassuring nod. It's like he's telling Ava that you can be a human. I'm here.