Remember Me

6. Past, Present & Future?

She's in my passenger seat. Her blonde hair is hanging around her shoulders and her head is leaned against the door as she sleeps; soft breaths are exhaled through her lips and I'm completely enthralled and overwhelmed by how much I love the woman sitting beside me.

The light turns green and I pull back out into traffic, leaning forward to turn on the country station and quietly I sing along the words to an old Florida Georgia Line song.

Everything is perfect and as it should me.

Until I see the headlights.

I swerve and miss the car in completion, thinking I hear a crash though somewhere off in the distance but unfortunately I don't have time to dwell on the noise because the breaking wall is coming too fast. I try to pump the brakes but it's no use as the car goes barreling into the wall.

I wake up panting and covered in sweat. It was a nightmare. It hadn't happened all over again but it had felt like it did.

These nightmares had been with me for days, ever since I woke up from the accident and no matter what I tried or did they just wouldn't go away.

I run my hands through my hair, grossed out to feel it damp from sweat. I certainly couldn't go back to sleep like this. So, I climb out of bed and head to the spare bathroom. It wasn't joined with our room like our ensuite was but it was still a full bathroom, perfect for a child of our own to use someday which was our thought process when buying the house.

I think of the way the next few months could've played out differently as I shut the bathroom door behind me. I think of how we could've gone home that night and maybe conceived a perfect bundle of joy, but that hadn't happened. Instead we got into a car crash that took her memories and any hope that I had of getting a good night's sleep ever again.

I strip down to nothing and climb into the shower, letting the water run over me and settle my pounding heart as I replant my feet firmly in reality.

I freshen up quickly and hop out of the shower, changing back into my boxers and heading back out into the living room but unlike when I went into the bathroom, there's a light on in the kitchen. It's not the bright, overhead light but instead, the small light just over the kitchen sink but it's still illuminated enough for me to see my wife's silhouette. "Hey" she says softly as I pad into the room.

I notice that she has a box of vanilla wafers in her hand and I refrain from teasing her. It never made sense why she'd rather have such a boring, plain cookie when she could have chocolate chip. But I was too ecstatic to see her eating them to ruin the moment with teasing. "What are you doing up?" I ask her, leaning against the island across from her and stealing a cookie. She doesn't protest like she normally would but I don't try to dwell on it.

"I heard the shower." Light sleeper. She always was. Her parents would keep her up at all hours of the night when she was a kid making it hard for her to ever get a good night's sleep. I swore our kids would never have to endure that. "What are you doing up?" She asks, turning the tables on me.

I purse my lips, debating whether or not I should tell her the truth. But really, what's the harm? She is my wife and before the accident we didn't have secrets so why start now? "Nightmare." I shrug as if they aren't literal, brutal reenactments of the most traumatic moment of my life.

"Do you get them a lot?" She asks, probably wondering if this is something she should know already but lucky for her, this is something new. Something I don't have a story lined up for.

"Just since I woke up...from the accident" I clarify, clearing my throat as I stand and skirt around the island to get a glass of water. Her eyes follow me though and when I turn away from the sink, cup in hand I can tell she's waiting for me to elaborate. But I don't want to. I can barely withstand the nightmares let alone talk about them.