Tough Love

IV: Sometimes I'm not Who you Want me to be

[8 months after the accident]

A few weeks later, their promise of not fighting anymore turns to nothing. They start arguing again but this time is not over random things, this time is because Jungkook has finally managed to gain the courage to confront Yoongi on what he had otherwise overlooked before. It started a day after they agreed on not fighting anymore that Jungkook came home early, as he didn’t do anymore, and found Yoongi smoking in the balcony.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook asked him and as if it was nothing, Yoongi answered “Just smoking” So Jungkook took the cigarette from his hand, threw it to the floor and stepped on it while Yoongi looked at him annoyed. “What’s gotten into you?” Yoongi had asked and even though Jungkook didn’t want to fight, he remembered what Jimin had said before replying “I better not see you smoking again” Yoongi huffed, kind of mocked him but his expression fell when he realized that Jungkook was serious.

“Or what?” He had challenged, and Jungkook hesitated on what to say. He knew he didn’t have to make it a threat, he had to make it a warning. So Jungkook gave him a pointed look “I better not see you smoking again” he repeated before going into the house again. Needless to say that Yoongi didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night and neither did he let him cuddle around him when they went to bed. Since that day, it has been the same.

Yoongi doesn’t eat dinner, they fight. Yoongi drinks a little too much, they fight. Yoongi smokes (again) they fight.

The only thing that’s changed is that they are not heated arguments anymore. Rather is Jungkook being the one who gets mad and Yoongi just avoids him. Is childish. It resembles the relationship a parent would have with their child and even though Jungkook doesn’t like it, he can’t deny that Yoongi is cute when he sulks. His lips become even more pouty, his cheeks often turn red and he looks equally as upset as he looks gorgeous so Jungkook has trouble refraining himself from kissing him.

But no matter how much Jungkook likes Yoongi, how badly he wants to kiss him, how long he waits for the opportunity to do so. The arguments don't cease and Yoongi picks up a bad habit every week. He starts drinking a little too much or driving a little fast and Jungkook is getting scared. So much that one good day at work, he explodes.

Jungkook is an artist for a publishing company. He is in charge of the art in the covers of books, albums, CDs and pretty much anything else he's given to work on. He likes his job but on this particular day, he works on the art of a romantic novel. A girl and a boy looking away from each other as they hold out their hands in the distance, trying but not quite reaching each other. It is just another piece, one of the many Jungkook has done. But as he draws, the art suddenly hits deep.

Spring Day- one of his favorite songs- echoes through his earphones and all of a sudden, he doesn't see the girl and the boy in the drawing anymore. He sees Yoongi and himself.

He sees how they are trying, because they really are. How badly they want to hold hands but they are on different directions, their eyes don't meet, their bodies are moving further way. So as the song goes on, Jungkook becomes unable to keep drawing. He knows he and Yoongi are drifting away despite their efforts and he is really not ready to let go.

He loves Yoongi, no matter how much he drinks, whines, or smokes. He loves him and he knows Yoongi loves him too but maybe they have reached a point where love is simply not enough.

The thought makes Jungkook shiver and before he knows it, a tear rolls down his face. He tries to contain it but it's been so long since he last cried, since he last let his emotions flow. He doesn't cry, he doesn't react anymore. He has swallowed everything he's been given and now it seems like it needs to come out. So his eyes get watery, his throat feels dry and in less than a second after, he sobs. It all comes down on him and it hurts. It hurts so much.