Friend, Please

Dreams

*Alex's POV*

"Did it work?" I looked around the lair, everything looked exactly the same.

"I hope not." I gulped, I didn't know what to say to that. I looked at the Doctor, who was in tears. Why is he crying? He wished that he didn't kiss me, I just made his wish come true.

"Hey, what's goin on?" I looked over and saw Mickey Mouse standing outside the Tardis. "The Tardis started shaking."

"Yeah, what's up?" Rose stepped into the lair, trying to fix her bedhead.

The Doctor and I looked at each other before sprinting into the Tardis. Everything looked fine. She looked normal. "You okay, girl?" I ran my hand along the railing. A sad hum filled my ears. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. The Doctor might've left me, but the Tardis didn't. The Tardis and I will always have a bond. Our hearts were both made of time, we shared that connection. I miss her just as much as I miss the Doctor. "I miss you too." I know the Tardis knows what I did. That's probably why Rose and Mickey said they felt her shake.

I saw the Doctor staring at me from the corner of my eye and it made my heart pound. I wanted to hug him. I needed one of the Doctors hugs, but I know better than to hug him. He wished he didn't kiss me and I granted that for him. I love him too much to make him suffer from my own being. I was just too messy for him. I get that, I'm a wreck. No one likes messy.

I ran my hand over the railing once more before leaving. It hurt to be in the Tardis. I walked past Mickey and Rose and hurried to my room. I don't know if I want to be alone right now. I wouldn't be mad if Rose or Jack or Mickey came in. I don't want the Doctor too though. That would kill me.

I laid down on my bedroom floor. Where do I even go from here? I hoped that sometime in the future the Doctor and I would get back together. That I'd grow a pair of balls and tell him how much I miss him or how much I need him. That's shot to hell. I can't do anything about it, the Doctor would go back and change our past. I can't force him to think otherwise.

What do I do now? How am I supposed to get through this? Do I run away again? Should I? That doesn't sound like a bad thought to up and leave. I've done it twice, I could do it again.

No. That might actually get me sent to a special hospital. I don't want to go there. I'd rather have my tongue slammed by a car door then go to a nuthouse. That was not happening.

There was a knock at my door, but I didn't move. I didn't care enough too. "Lex?" I saw Mickey standing over me, looking down at me. He laid down on the floor next to me and grabbed my hand, "are you okay?"

I turned my head to look at Mickey, "I'm alright." I have to be alright. It's not my choice anymore. Everyone's happiness comes before mine.

"The Doctor told us what happened." I felt myself twitch. I didn't want anyone to know right now. My family would start to notice after a while when they didn't recognize any of my friends from London, but I thought I had some time. "He didn't mean it, Lex."

"Then why'd he say it?" I tried to sound as emotionless as possible, even though I knew Mickey would see right through it.

"Because he was angry. Everyone says something they don't mean out of anger." Mickey squeezed my hand, "do you feel better now that you've done the spell?"

I rolled my eyes at Mickey and looked back at the ceiling. "No."

"Then why'd you do it?" Mickey ran his thumb over my knuckles.

I chewed my lip, "to make him happy."

"I don't think anyone's happy, Alex." Honestly, I sort of agree with Mickey Mouse there.