Rise of the Warrior of Everfen

Chapter 84: Just As You Do

Erinne sighed as she approached Wren's room. She'd been thinking about what Khash had said for days now. She was angry at him for saying it at all...at first. But the longer she considered his words, the more they hurt and ached through her with a startling realization. Why did she forgive Cold Hammer but not Wren? She hated Khash for rationalizing so much of this, for delivering harsh truths she didn't want to hear.

She no longer understood herself.

Perhaps she hated Wren so ferociously because it was all she had left. She'd needed something to keep her alive, and the fury inside her kept her strong and Wren bore the weight of it because he accepted his faults in it.

With a mixture of emotions rummaging around inside her mind, she took a deep breath and lifted her fist to knock when a voice stopped her before her hand could fall on the door, "Come in." Wren's voice rumbled from the other side, deep but raw. Once upon a time he'd had such a dignified tone every time he spoke, now he was always on edge.

She set her hand on the door and pushed it open, "How did you know?"

He was standing all the way across the room, bare feet, loose shirt and trousers, staring out the window at the city below. He tured his head just enough to give her a droll look and she understood. He knew she was out there because of the beast's senses. Of course.

"You took so long to knock, I have to wonder what plagues you and brings you here?" He faced the window again. He just stared, solemn, quiet and more still than she'd ever seen him. He could've been a statue if he hadn't just been speaking.

"What makes you think I'm plagued?"

"The last time you came here was when you told me you hated me. You haven't been back to this room since." His words were true and they left a sour taste on her tongue. She avoided him in the halls, she went out of her way not to converse with him about anything. "You probably wouldn't speak to me at all if I wasn't your king."

She remained silent as bitter memories of the past threatened to fill her. She remembered that day quite clearly. It was the day he'd told her she wouldn't be returning with Lohke to orc lands, that he was taking custody of her and forcing her to stay here.

She frowned and looked down at the ground, trying not to wring her hands, trying not to listen to the anger he'd just caused to course through her with those memories. It was a spillway opened up in her heart and soul. How could she ever forgive him when he still kept her prisoner here?

"What's wrong, Erinne?" He turned to face her fully, leaning back until he was sitting on the window sill. She glared at him, this was harder than she thought, she wasn't so sure she could do this. Tears filled her eyes as she struggled with her inner turmoil before she finally tried to speak.

"Khash told me I should forgive you." She said but her voice sounded like a quiet rage, even to her ears.

"Why do I feel like you disagree?"

"Because I do." She whispered, but then released a slow breath. "I've been thinking about what he said for several days, and I don't know if I can bring myself to let go of the rage inside my soul." She placed one hand over her heart, her chest feeling tight, constricted. "I cannot describe to anyone the pain inside of me. My family was massacred. I lived through that. I bear those memories. It was all I had, until Lohke saved my life. But now...it happened..."

"You've lost your family again."

She nodded slowly and closed her eyes as the tears slid down her cheeks.

"You don't have to forgive me, Erinne, I cannot understand your pain. I can sympathize with it, but I can never truly know the depths of your grief." He paused for a long time and she didn't know how to speak, but then he continued, "I had a knight once, within my ranks, a good man. His family lost a child, his oldest son. Despite the fact that he had several more children, the loss of one drove him mad. I never forgot that moment, that feeling, when I heard the news that he walked into a lake, with his armor on, and just let himself sink. The fact that you still stand...you truly are the strongest of us all."