Come to Morning Through The Shadows

Sorrow and Selfishness

Music:

"Can We Still Be Saved?"-Fearless Motivation

"Light at the End of the Tunnel"-Kerry Muzzey

*****

Sorrow and Selfishness:

Kili would be lying if he didn't admit some level of awe as they rode in. He surveyed the fortifications that surrounded the city, noting the tall, glittering spires. They reminded him of the innermost throne room of Erebor, though, where Erebor's glittering, emerald and marble kingdom resided deep within the mountain's heart, this city of men stood sparkling against the sun, the white spires of the sentinels reflecting off the sunbeams and shining brightly against the blue sky above.

The young dwarf prince was impressed. And a little intimidated, if he were honest. These men must surely be strong in order to remain vulnerable to attack, out in the open like this (unlike dwarves who whiled away in their caves and mountains). He wondered how they could stand to remain stalwart as prey to the whims of the enemy lurking beyond the dark gate that stood like a sentry in the distance, surrounded by suffocating, billowing clouds.

Kili was discomforted by the thoughts coursing through his mind and he flexed his fingers anxiously as Gandalf guided the white horse forward, towards the gate and the sentinels that loomed around the city.

The young dwarf prince swallowed back the unease that threatened his senses and tried to ignore the growing trepidation that filtered through his veins as they pushed forward, through the gate and up the cobbled walkways. Curious faces surrounded them, women, children, and elder folk all staring unabashedly at the lone Grey Wizard and the young, dark-haired dwarf prince. Soldiers who stood at the gate turned to meet their gazes, eyes hardened and suspicious as Kili peered back at them.

The young dwarf archer felt very much a spectacle on parade around these observers and he wondered how they could remain so calm when danger loomed so close by.

Nor could he shake the sensation that he'd been here before, seen these faces before and felt this unease, this nauseating feeling of being suffocated and suppressed.

He didn't like it.

"I can guess your thoughts, young master dwarf," Gandalf's voice rumbled in his chest, low and gruff as he tossed a brief look towards Kili before looking straight ahead again. "You feel it. The darkness creeping here, the familiarity of despair and sorrow that once filled the mountain and Mirkwood. And your vision."

Kili nodded and swallowed again, suddenly feeling smaller than he ever had before as houses and spires jutted upwards, reaching for the sky and the slivers of sunlight overhead. The sense of unease continued to gnaw at him, making Kili's skin crawl.

Yes he remembered the feeling, how Erebor has reeked of it; how the dream or nightmare had overwhelmed him with the feeling. And he knew why he was here too, however much he wished he were elsewhere. The problem was, though, that he couldn't be elsewhere, whiling away the hours, laughing with his kin. No amount of wishing or silent pleading would bring him to his brother, or uncle or anyone, nor bring him to the safety of the Lonely Mountain again.

The enemy knew who he was,knew his name and his lineage as an heir to the house of Durin. But, more importantly, Kili also knew the enemy. He'd seen their next ploy when he'd touched that accursed sphere. He saw the towers, the people, the descending darkness. He saw the great eye and felt the scorching heat, fueled by hatred, malice, and a deep-rooted wickedness that threatened to swallow him whole. He was the link between the free peoples of Middle Earth and the enemy.

And that type of responsibility was something he'd never had to deal with before, least of all alone. The overwhelming ache he felt for his brother and uncle and the rest of the company made the young dwarf prince cringe with longing. But he couldn't hide behind their powerful figures. He couldn't rely on the wisdom of Balin's guidance, or Fili's steadying companionship. He couldn't defer to Thorin to lead the way.