Can't take control of it [Yeonbin] [BL]

Chapter 05 in someone else's eyes (Fear)

Beomgyu went to talk to Soobin, who was in the kitchen. He was serious, he didn't know how to address the issue but a direct approach is better to avoid misunderstandings.

"Are you in a relationship with him? don't you think is a bad idea? we all are teammates" He said from the door frame to assure himself no one will overhear them.

He stopped washing the dishes to answer, "Yes, and I'm the leader, I'm perfectly aware of it, but lying will get me nowhere, cause you all are also my friends, so no, we are not in a relationship but yes, I do like him"

"I hope you know what you're doing, I say this as a friend"

"I know" Beomgyu left and Soobin continued what he was doing.

The next day, they were at the company's building, it was late, Soobin asked Yeonjun to stay with him a little more on the practice room to talk. The others went ahead to the dorms.

"So, what do you want to talk?" he saw how nervous Soobin was and tried to talk on a silly tone to lighten the mood, "Waa it looks serious." Soobin looked at him and stuttered a little, "I-It's not, well, for me it is," he sat down a made a signal for Yeonjun to do the same.

He took a breath and started, "Lately I think I'm not suitable to be a leader," Yeonjun tried to interrupt him but Soobin continued, "Bear with me a little, I'm doing my best but something happened and that's why I'm having those doubts."

Yeonjun tried to get closer but stopped himself and said, "But you know you're not bad right?"

"Kinda, that's why I have to do this"

"Do what?"

"Be patient, first I want to apologize, I'm sorry for my reactions when you touch me or get too close to me, sometimes I look like I hate it which it's not the case"

"No, no, no, I should be the one apologizing, I do that knowing you are not comfortable with it"

"I already told you it's not that," he finally looked Yeonjun at the eyes and the other went silent by how honest Soobin was being.

"That brings me to the second thing, and the most difficult to say," he took another breath, his ears were red.

"Don't force yourself, we can talk about it on another day" His stomach hurts, He is gonna say it, I don't wanna hear it, he thinks.

He raised his palm in front of Yeonjun's face while looking down, "No, I have to do it now... I-I think I have feelings for you, more than a friend, I didn't want to say anything because I wasn't entirely sure about them, and I didn't want to lie or give you half-truths"

"...You don't like Beomgyu?"

"What? no, we are just close, hyung, I'm truly sorry, I'm not asking for anything, I'm still sorting all this out, I hope it doesn't get weird between us"

"Soobin ah" He took Soobin's hand and looked at him, "It's ok, also if you want me to stop the teasing, I will, I don't want to hurt you"

"No, it'll be weirder and everyone will notice"

"True... see, nothing bad happened, we are ok"

Soobin laughed and agreed with him, Yeonjun wanted to hug him but again he stopped himself and did the same with the words he wanted to say. It became terrifying cause now he knows the truth and confirms that what he feels wasn't just a silly crush, his mind was chaos but he managed to hide it.

Neither of them was able to sleep that night but for different reasons.

The next day he went to practice alone, he promised himself that it wouldn't become weird for Soobin's sake but his mind doesn't stop, the only way to avoid all those stupid thoughts was dancing, by dancing his mind goes blank, freedom at its best.

"Yeonjun hyung!" Soobin called his attention.

"What?" he stopped and looked around.

"Don't overwork yourself again," he folded his arms.

"I didn't"

"It's late, the others are at the dorms"

"What about dinner?"

"They already ate"

He looked at his phone, "Shit, it's really late, did you eat too?"

"No, I choose to wait for you, come with me, we are going to grab a good dinner"

Soobin approached him and took his hand and try to drag him out of the practice room, but Yeonjun stopped him by hugging him from the back.

He hid his face on Soobin's back, "Soobin ah"

"Yeah?" he tried to maintain the serious tone.

"Sorry for all of this" he squeezed him a little and Soobin couldn't keep the tone.

"Don't be, just don't make me worry, just thinking in you fainting again gave me a scare, more than the stupid movie we saw"

He laughs thinking about that, "Help me walk Soobinie"

"Grab your things first"

Soobin helped him tiding up the things and both left the practice room. They didn't talk much while eating and without knowing they exchange a lot of silly smiles. Soobin was more relaxed seeing Yeonjun eating with a happy face.

That hug was so meaningful, he wanted to see his face and kiss those lips so badly. It wasn't so bad before confessing, why it was unbearable after that? He thinks it's because he didn't ask him out and that was giving him some kind of weird hope.

"Soobin?" he hears and stopped spacing out and apologized.

Yeonjun bit his lip and quickly Soobin adverted his gaze on another direction. They looked at each other eyes like they did on that movie night, but it was late and they had to go to the dorms.

While walking, he wanted to say and do many things but he was so scared, what if when he starts to open up more, he stops liking him. His personality will not allow him to be happy, he started to hate himself more and more. Did he really believe the idea of dating Soobin? he? he probably will end up hurting him.

They have already arrived the dorms and going to their room but Soobin noticed that Yeonjun had stopped walking and was clenching his fists, he got close to him and with both hands force Yeonjun to see him.

"Hyung" He quietly called him, he didn't answer and Soobin took his hands.

"I really like you, could you consider being my boyfriend, I know what I said but..."

"No" He cut him off.

"Of course," he swallowed and released Yeonjun's hands.

"I can't... I'm not suitable for you"

"What? What are you saying? Why?"

"Don't insist please" He pressed his lips shut and try hard not to cry. Soobin saw his state and decided to leave him alone and stopped asking questions.

"Ok, sorry, I'll give up, just don't stressed yourself, ok?"

"Night"

"Rest well hyung"

Soobin was left alone and went to drink some water to think about what he should do.