Doctor Said No Cliff Jumping

Bonus Scene 1

I kept walking until I found the headstone I was looking for and sighed at the sight of it. It gave me the heebie-jeebies because of the fact that the name was the same as my sons. I remember coming here drunk one time and I started bawling because my mind couldn't separate the two and Nala had to come pick me up... it definitely wasn't one of my best moments. That's why I stick to coming only sober and in the daylight.

"Hey, Old Man," I chuckled and sighed as I sat on the ground in front of it. I was silent for a bit as I stared at the headstone that's supposed to take the spot of a loved one. Headstones don't joke back or give you advice. They're just there to remind you that the person isn't here anymore.

"It would be so much easier if I could just sit here and dwell in my thoughts" I muttered. "But I have a son now, old man," my hands played with the grass around me. "And there's this big thing about boys suppressing their feelings and I need to practice not doing that so he knows that it's okay to express himself. And if that means I need to change a little then that's what I'm going to do. My biggest fear is that he'll come out like me," I whispered into the wind. "That he'll bottle it all up and wait until someone comes along to try to help him. I can't live with that old man. He's so small right now," I chuckled at the thought of my son.

"He crawls and grabs everything his little sticky hands can get. I swear I try to clean those grabbers but they're constantly sticky. And he has these dark curls that are all over the place and it reminds me of what Nala looks like when she just wakes up. As much as she boasts about the two of us looking alike I can still see her in him. Like that huge smile that's constantly on their faces or when he giggles his nose scrunched up in the same way hers does. And it's crazy ya know? How much I can love this little thing I barely know. He's known me for his entire life and I've only known him for a year. But I would risk everything to make sure this little sticky handed wild-haired boy happy and let him giggle."

I shook my head and cleared my throat. "This'll be his second Christmas actually since he was a newborn for the first one. But he's the cutest thing. He's attached to my hip... well more like ankle," you shook my head, "and I don't know how long that'll last but I hope forever because that kid has my heart and that's why I'm so scared to mess anything up."

I sat back with a sigh finding this a little easier and my chest feeling a little less constricted. "He's loving the lights and decoration that Nala put around the house and I'm thinking we should just keep them year-round if he likes them that much," I looked up at a small cloud making its way across the sky followed by a slightly bigger one.

"Alex is doing really well, I'm so proud of him. He's in school now and says he really likes it so I'm happy for him." I bit my lip and shook my head. "It's crazy old man. How people out there can just give up on their child like it's nothing. Raise them for so long just to shun them away. I've only known the kid for so long and can't imagine doing that. Hell, I wish he could live with us forever he's a great babysitter.

"I'm just trying so hard to make him feel comfortable with us. I've called him Randy's brother since day one and he cried the first few times but now he seems to hold it together" I smiled and then fidgeting a little as a gust of wind flopped my hair everywhere.

"I just need a sign old man. A sign in doing something right. There's three people I need to be there for and all I'm asking is for a sign that I'm doing good and I'm on the right path. I can't mess this up, Randall. I have too much riding on me right now, too many responsibilities to be the guy I was years ago.

"You were like my North Star and now that you're gone... I-it's like I lost all sort of direction," I rubbed my chest a little too dull the ache there.

"Just let me know I'm doing something right. That I'm not going to mess this all up. I've been a dad for a year and it's one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I've done and I don't have a clue if I'm doing anything right."