THE rain had a calming effect on yoongi. rain always made him forget about everything, all the memories slowly fading away. yoongi loved that feeling- the feeling of letting go. his puffy eyes shut close, hands reaching for the small object under his jacket.
the watch, that he gave yoongi a few years ago. he didn't remember when but that day is still so fresh in his mind.
yoongi sighs as he lets the watch fall from his hand, hands curling up to a fist after that. yoongi opens his eyes as he looks around with a gaze so soft. his eyes hurt a lot, because he couldn't sleep at all. he doesn't remember when he slept last time- at least with a conscious mind.
he would often spend his nights on bars and drink till his body gave up on him. it wasn't hard for him, it didn't pain him. it gave him pleasure- silent pleasure. the strong liquor would burn down his throat, taking away all the anguish along with his consciousness. and the next day, he would find himself on random beds with women or even streets.
he didn't care.
all he cared about was that brown haired boy, who's honey eyes would glow up every time his hyung looked at him. the boy who could leave everything for that useless idiot.
and now he's gone.
maybe he could've cried, maybe he could at least visit the police station.
maybe he could go back to jeongguk, but.. wouldn't it turn out the same way? he was afraid to face the boy after what he did.
yoongi remembers creating a scene outside the hospital jeongguk was admitted to. he just wanted to see him, but everything ended up so badly.
maybe he could come back to a normal life.
now he just wants to die.
that boy, indeed was special to him- more than anything in the world.
•••
"hyung! hyung!" the younger boy jumped as he kept clinging onto the older one with a boyish grin, "let's go and eat outside!"
Yoongi sighed deeply, turning to his monitor screen as he decided to ignore him.
"HYUNG!!" jeongguk shouted, but got no response as if he was talking to himself. yoongi kept his eyes on the screen, carefully typing his essay for college.
it was true that yoongi wanted to feed him outside, but.. he couldn't. it was the end of the month and working at a daycare for only a few hours didn't pay him much. the money was enough for at least fifteen days but yoongi knew jeongguk's taste of food was quite.. fancy and costly. he couldn't eat anything like yoongi, nor he could stay in a corner and sleep with an empty stomach.
yoongi raised his eye brows when the atmosphere felt quite silent.
8:47pm.
"ggukie, did you leave?"
there was no answer, which confirmed that the boy wasn't there anymore.
'maybe he just went out to chill..' yoongi thought to himself as he continued to work. but soon looked to a side when the sound of raindrops hit his ears. he gulped as he looked at the time.
9:27pm.
his body started to shake, lips started to tremble as he waited for the younger to come home. his laptop rested on his desk.
yoongi tried calling him but he didn't pick up, he didn't reply to his texts.
'was i... too harsh?' he asked himself, just when he felt his eyes watering. a few drops of tears left his eyes as he bit his lips. tapping his fingers impatiently on his thighs when he finally decided to go and look for him.
