My Dear, Mark...
You were my favorite. There is no denying that. As much as I wished I could have been with others that came before you, I'd have given them all up in a heartbeat for you.
You swept me off my feet from the beginning. You were the first who I'd swooned over enough to make the first move. It was always my partners who came to me first, but I chased after you.
From the moment I saw you sitting alone at a café I'd been visiting for the very first time, I knew I had to make you mine.
You were charming, handsome, quiet, and simple. Exactly my type. You were perfect, maybe too much so, but I couldn't help but indulge.
I remember our first date being the same as our first encounter; simple lunch at a cafe.
You were not one for crazy wild dates or bold fashion statements, but you were everything I wanted in a lover. You spoiled me with not only gifts, but attention as well.
You were the only one I'd actually had a real relationship with. We went on many dates, shared many kisses, and had passionate intimate nights that will forever remain in my memory.
I craved everything from you; your time; your affection; your kiss; your touch. Everything about you was everything I desired. I wanted you so bad and I had you right where I wanted you.
Things were going perfectly. Everything was well, but as much as I hated to admit, I knew all good things end eventually.
Sweet talks became arguments over time. It was always you pointing fingers. It was always me who was 'in the wrong'. You became less perfect and more like everything I despised. You were grouchy and accusative.
You blamed me for your misery. You made everything my fault. You did not appreciate what I did for you.
Sure telling you I didn't want you around anyone else may have been a tad bit selfish, but that can't be helped. When you're smitten with someone, it's impossible for your heart to resist the temptation to be selfish. You were mine. No one was going to take you away from me; Not even you.
I could see the downfall coming the day you said we needed to talk. When you told me you thought we needed 'space' I remember it felt like you'd ripped my heart out of my chest.
It baffled me how anyone could look the person they love in the eyes and tell them they wanted space to come between them. Then it dawned on me. Someone who truly loves the person they are talking to could not possibly let such heartbreaking words leave their mouth.
I came to a soul-crushing realization in that moment. You did not love me. If you loved me, you would not hurt me that way.
I was so angry, I could not think clearly. I saw red. I loved and hated you so much in that moment.
You promised to love me right, but you broke your promise to me, Mark. Unlike you, I do not break my promises. And the promise I made was that I would never let anyone take you away from me. Not even you.
You still hold a special place in my heart Mark and it's been a long time since I've put myself out there, but I'm moving on.
Sincerely, Jinyoung
