secrets ( kaylor )

Chapter 2: let go of your fears and your ghosts

*******This chapter will contain sensitive material. Let me know what you think! I love you! -Jenna*******

Taylor's POV:

"So it was 2010, and I had been in love but I had also been heartbroken." I started telling Karlie, "I wanted to be in love, I wanted to love someone. I didn't really care how much he loved me I just wanted to be in love with him. So, I met John Mayer. And he didn't really care for anything; he didn't care for me, his family, his music, or even his fans. He rarely smiled at anything. But I felt myself get attached to him and the next thing I knew we were dating. And he told me he loved me, but I even knew then that he didn't love me. As I said, he didn't care for anything. But I loved the feeling I felt when I was with him; it was the danger I needed back into my life. He was something different that made me feel more like a normal person, not some princess. This was something I really wanted to feel because everyone thought of me as some princess when all I wanted was to be treated normally."

"We accept the love we think we deserve" Karlie interrupted. My eyes connected with hers. She seemed to be understanding my thoughts exactly. I thought I deserved normal love, not fairy tale love anymore, so I accepted the lowest amount of love in a person.

"Exactly." I took a deep breath. Here it goes. My secrets are coming out. "And then one night, what started as an innocent kiss transformed into something more. He guided me into his bedroom and I felt his hands take off my shirt. I was about to do the thing that marks love, true love, but that was when I realized he didn't love me. And I admitted to myself that I didn't love him either."

I glanced at Karlie, expecting to see a judging expression on her face, but instead all I saw was the same understanding look she was giving me earlier.

"And then I backed away and put my shirt back on. I wasn't ready for this, at least not with him. But this angered John and he followed me when I went down his stairs. He stopped me in his living room." I felt my words starting to come out of my mouth faster. "We started to fight and he said we had to do it sometime and that sometime had to be that night, but I told him no." I don't know if Karlie could even understand my last words because they came out of my mouth so fast. Then, I started to cry. I felt Karlie's hand squeeze mine. I took another deep breath. "And that's when he punched me. Broke my nose in a single blow." I was talking with anger now, not sadness. Karlie wrapped her arms around me, holding me down. If she wasn't there to hold me back I would've gotten up and smashed my TV. "My blood was everywhere, on his carpet, on my clothes. I fell to the ground and he kicked me as hard as he could. Three times. That broke one of my ribs." I screamed. "And as if that wasn't enough, he leaned over me and screamed in my face 'YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME TONIGHT'." By now Karlie was also crying. I spoke this now with disgust "Without even wiping the blood off of my face he connected his lips with mine. I summoned all of the strength I could and threw him off of me. I tried to run for the door but with a broken rib I was slowed down and he grabbed me. He threw me over his shoulder and carried me into his bedroom. When he threw me onto his bed I tried to get away. I tried to punch him. But he blocked it easily and crushed my arm. This blow dislocated my elbow. He ripped off my shirt within seconds." Karlie was holding back the psychotic me all while bawling. I felt back for Karlie, I really did, but nothing could stop me from sharing all my secrets now. The combination of Karlie and my crying went on loudly for a minute or so. When our cries got decreased, I finished in almost a whisper, "And there I laid, helpless, with a broken nose and rib, and a dislocated elbow watching him violate me, hold me against my will." Karlie's grip was so tight on me, but it felt so good. "He held me tight all night and I pretended to eventually fall asleep. When I knew he was in a deep sleep, I found my clothes and phone and went to the hospital."

"Taylor, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Karlie responded, "How come no one knows? He could be put in jail for rape and abuse, Taylor!"

"Because he is long gone and never bothered me since. And the memory of him was just my secret. Now it is our secret." I stared deeply into Karlie's eyes.