A New Maybe

Family

Warnings: mentions of injuries

When you arrive at the Tower, it's tears and hugs so tight you can't breathe, promises whispered in your ear to never let go.  Anna's grip is so tight around your neck, your back, the shaking of her shoulders enough to tell you she is crying, but with the lack of sound from her lips you know she is trying to hold back.  Bucky hovers, more than normal, but you suppose this isn't normal, is it?  His eyes never leave you even as Doctor Cho examines you, x-rays and check-ups, evaluating your throat when you fall into a coughing fit.  Another hour passes before she concludes you are capable of leaving Medical, prescribing a couple medications to help with the burns on your throat and its swelling. 

The magnetic pull of your eyes begs you to close them as the hour grows further into the night—or you suppose it is morning now...either way, it emphasizes the exhaustion in your body and it only makes things worse when Bucky tells you that you've been awake nearly two days with multiple adrenaline doses.  The last thing you remember is Bucky leading you out into the parking garage, his warm hand around your back and shoulder lulling you further into the sweet escape of sleep, then a closing of a door and your head rested against a shoulder before darkness overtook your senses.  You suppose you were pretty out of it considering you don't even remember getting out of the car and walking into the apartment. 

~~~

Bucky finishes drying the dishes from breakfast and sends a glance to Anna who is slowly placing the eggs back in the fridge, her movements rigid, forced, weighed down by something he doesn't know how to lift for her, or even himself.  You are still sleeping in your room soundly despite it being almost ten in the morning, but after everything that has happened, neither of them wants to wake you.  And just like that, memories flood his mind and he grips the granite counter a little tighter, his eyes closing as he attempts to steady his breaths because you're home.  He doesn't need to worry anymore, but he still does.  Like maggots feasting on his heart, his chest aches with the memories of just the night before and he can't breathe.  His lungs constrict and his heart picks up speed, thundering against his rib cage like it is going to break free in a desperate attempt to find you because for some forbidden reason, he can't seem to accept that you are in the other room.  He can't believe it because he was almost too late, he came too close to losing something so valuable, a piece of him he will never be able to repair or replace if something ever took it away. 

Anna wraps her arms around him from behind, splaying her fingers across his chest, his stomach, her face buried between his shoulder blades, "Breathe, Baby."

Bucky's fingers find hers on his chest, holding them there as he forces oxygen into his lungs, her weight against him grounding him, her warmth, her gentleness, the feel of her breathing pressing into his back, "I'm trying," he murmurs, then he turns in her arms to face her.

Her body weighs down in exhaustion, her eyes drooping tiredly, and her cheek leans into the warmth of the palm of his hand as he cups her face as he tries to keep her close.  He's not sure if his heart will ever get used to the love he holds for her.  It is long past what everyone calls the honeymoon phase.  It has grown, matured into something much more than a flame on a torch held by hands who didn't know what they wanted or what they deserved.  It's past the wildfire unable to be tamed, the heat of their touch, an addiction he can't control.  What he has for her is something so much more, endless, captivating.  He's drunk on her.  Her craziness, her laughter, her humor, her voice, just everything about her.  From his beginning to his end, he knows it.  He knows she is his world, his oxygen, the reason life runs through his veins.  She is his everything, and maybe that is why he is able to find the strength to breathe.

Anna leans into him, letting him engulf her, absorbing her as she rests her head on his chest, her hands finding themselves to his neck, playing with the small tendrils of hair on its nape.  Neither of them needs to speak to know what is creeping in their thoughts, the fears lurking in the shadows of their minds, so they stay there wrapped up in each other until one of them can gain the courage to step away.  Security is something that was rare in Anna's life, something that was so fleeting, she could barely get a glimpse of it before it disappeared, but right there, in Bucky's arms, where she knew not only that he holds her heart, but also that she holds his, she has never felt more safe.  And she knows he will be the father you have desperately longed for your entire life.  He won't leave or ruin you like all the others.  Either of you.