sad why dont we one shots

crazier than ever...together.

This ones a little bit long sorry.
.
.
.
.
.

It had been a long time since that day but zach hadn't been recovered. The trappists had told ms herron that the recovering process from a death especially when its a close person will take time and eventually he will move on but it had been a long term of time but zach hadnt shown any sign of moving on. He was still shocked and dizzy like the first day and the news was still fresh like he had heard them 5 minutes ago he had lost his appetite and passion for talk. The boy that everyone used to wish to shut up for a minute was silent all the time and only would open his mouth when he was asked and the answer was in a monotone voice nothing like the delightful tone that he was known with it. He was no longer himself. His blushing red cheeks had lost their color and his vast smile had vanished for a long time. His hummings and singings under lips were stopped and all he would do was staring at the window and going over the memories...the ones that the passing of time neather had healed their pain nor made their sorrow fade away. All those bittersweet memories that were reminding him of the cheerful days he had spent with him all along with the signs of his existence or better to say not existence everywhere were like daggers in his heart. Every song he was listening unwonted a memory that he had with him and every place he would went he could still feel his presence like a shadow towering on his soul. All those pleasant memories that usually and supposed to curve an smile on his face and bring joy to his heart now were causing shady tears in his eyes and lump in his throat.
he was seating on the wooden floor of the old attic like most of the time and staring at the pictures of him in his phone. Looking through his Instagram that wasn't closed was giving him a down wave of nostalgia and the tears started to fall down from his cloudy eyes this was an especial day. He would have been busy with planning all the day for 12 oclock but today he could do nothing but to bringing back all the good memories like the way he used to do but infront of jack himself. He was turning 20 today or to say..he would turn. But instead of hugging him with happy birthday wishes and eating birthday homemade cake and drinks in plastic cups while reminding themselves all the good days theyd had and all the awesome moments theyd made all he could do was to remembering them by searching through the most effective reminder of their existence. The pictures. Every picture was an evident of one of the crazy activities theyd done with each other. The ones that convinced most of their friends that they're completely out of garden and had lost their mind. The smiling picture of the day theyd won the competition of the best song in the high school with their song in-N-out that caused raising laughers all over the hall brought an sharp pain in his heart. That day was one of his best days of his life. The day that they went crazy and didnt even care about everyones negative opinions. Even when they heard people mocking them and making fun of how lost they are. But they werent lost they had completed each other and filled each others loneliness.
Zach clicked on a picture of him and jack smiling and hugging each other tightly with his hand into jacks curly hair the wide smile that had made jacks teeth visible caused zachs corners of mouth to turn up and the tears found their way to his eyes and burned his cheeks with sourness. He whispered beneath his lips while gathering his legs into his stomach.
"I say ive move on and i finally forget you..i pretend that im finally getting better and its ok..but its not. anytime that i hear your name its like someones torn my heart apart to pieces"
he leaned his head on his knees and with dazed glance on the dirty blanket that they used to sit on in in the cold winter nights and combination of coffees and laughters to their own jokes would made their heart warm and the cold breeze tolerable "why..why did you do this to me..why did you act like you care for me and made me think i finally find someone to care..you decided to leave me..why" his voice increased with every word and the sobs started to coming out while he looked at the clock on his phone. "You will be 20 in 5 minutes bro..i had so many plans for this day but you couldnt attend your own birthday party sadly."
He let out a bitter laugher and bit his lip "Ive missed you..i truly miss you the way i never thought i would..ive missed you come back you bitch" he screamed the last worlds and covered his face in his sweety palms. when he felt a familiar shadow standing infornt of him his head shot up with widen eyes caused by not hearing a sound but hearing a well known sound.
"Long time no see"
He couldnt believe the vision infront of him. It was jack standing and smiling with his head down to stare at his used to be best friend.
Zachs jaw dropped and his pupils dilated from the unbelievable figure standing infront of him. He opened his mouth but the words wouldn't just come out from his mouth. The shadow stared at him with a friendly smile and continued with his warm tone.
"Havent you just said you miss me? I imagined you would be quite happy when youd meet me. Dont prove me i was wrong come and embrace me with your warm welcome."
Tears were shimmering in zachs widen eyes and his eyebrows raised and pulled together. He opened his vibrating chin and looked diractly in his eyes while stuttering the painful word
"Ja..jack?"
The standing figure named jack grinned and looked at zachs wondering eyes with the sparkling light in his.
"Who else could be my soul? Do you know any body else with this permanent wide shining smile and enormous cute curls"
His grin turned to a halfway sad smile and his glance forwarded between zachs eyes and his feet and continued with an tone filled with remorse and guilt
"Zach ive missed you so much that you cant even imagine...im so so"
His words cutted off by the anger tone raised voice of zach and the harsh words spilled out from his pressed teeth while exhaling noisily through pursed lips.
"oh you wanna say sorry? You want to fucking apologize for the horrible thing youve done? Not just to yourself but to me as well???"
He could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks from rage. zach grabbed the wooden chair and used it as a labor to stand up and stared with his eyes that were burning with with anger at the ashamed boy while continuing with a breathy tone that was raising and balling fists like he was going to punch jack in the face.
"You think the thing you did only affected your life? Well new news asshole..im fucked up because of you. Can you imagine how much pain i felt? Or still feeling?"
He closed his eyes and tears that had blurred his eyes started to stream down on his red heated up cheeks leaving a cool line on them
"Everywhere i looked i saw a sign of you eveywhere i go i remember our memories there..you didnt just gone it wasnt just your absence that was killing me the guilt was consuming me all over..thinking if i could do something to prevent your death..of how i was blind to not see that coming...and on the other hand the confusion was taking me down..wondering about the reason of your action"
Zachs eyes went black for a second and he felt the dizziness. He tried to sit again and almost fell on his knees while doing it
"so many sleepless nights has passed trying to find a reason to make your act sensible but no matter how hard i tried they were always unanswered questions feeling the rejection..thinking why i wasnt good enough to make you stay..even thinking that i could be one of the reasons and that was the thing that fucked me up"
Jacks eyebrows raised in pity and shook his head rapidly
"No zach i swaer it wasnt your fault or anyones..it doesnt matter anymore the only thing is matters that ive missed you so dearly that you cant even imagine"
Zach felt the tears once again rushing to his eyes and elevated eyebrows that were pulled together were making lines on his forehead. He turned his head and covered his face in his shaky hands. He raised his head again and stared at the unclear figure with the eyes that were flooded with tear. After a few deep breaths he started again with a brittle tone that was caused by the sobs that were giving him the feeling of suffocating.
"If you miss me..if it wasnt because of me if you say you care for me then why did you leave me...why did you do that"
He closed his eyes while leaning his head on the wall and mumbled under his breath.
"I dont wanna be alone...i miss you..i dont wanna be alone"
With each word his eyebrows pulled together harder and caused furrows on his forehead. He suddenly screamed and let the sobs out while bringing his head down
"I DONT WANNA BE ALONE"
Streaming tears running down and the sobs werent allow him to breath. Jacks shadow kneeled beside him and looked at him with his eyes that were filled with regret.
"Something was wrong with me zach. I failed myself and you too..im so sorry ive should have never done that but the deeds are done and theres no going back"
Jack tried to smile and fake an excitement tone
"But hey look its my birthday...dont you want to celebrate it with me? Come on zach stop making me sad in my own birthday"
Zach raised his head while opening his eyes and gasped for the air in the middle of the sobs with the cracked voice due to the scream and cries.
"Why would i care..you make my life a living hell everyday why would i consider your happiness while youve ignored mine..you stay here for a short time and then you leave me alone again and thats what hurts the most..to know i wont see you again..to realize i wont be waking up everyday with the excitement of planning some crazy new shit to do with each other ...to know that shining eyes and bright smile in 6 feet uunderground instead of glowing up my world"
Zach sniffed and wiped his tears with his sleeves. Jack sat beside zach and leaned his back on the wall
"Zach you know thats our destiny..life isnt always fair and i cant be for ever here were not meant to be with each other for long but why wouldn't we use our short time in the best way..ha?"
Jack bended his back to face zach and smiled with his raised up eyebrows
"Fuck the destiny and fuck you for blaming it because your goddamn mistake..how could you be so selfish"
Zach said those words with a dead tone and gave jack a motionless glare while trying to fight back the tears. Jack rose up and went to sit cross-legged and bit his upper lip
"Zach im sorry i know its all my fault for being such a weak asshole but blaming me wont fix anything..zach please dont do this to yourself i wont be resting in the otherside if you would hurt yourself by sadness..you have to promise me to love yourself..you deserve a better life and you need to learn to plan for your future and instead of anger and rage...instead of sorrow and pity you have to replace love and happiness..you have to bring back the craziness and loud laughs again..you miss me but i miss your old too"
Zach shook his head and hugged his knees "how could i be happy when you were the main reason of my laughs...how can i be crazy when you were the one who i shared my craziness with"
A tear left jacks eye and fall on the ground beside his leg. He stood up and the corners of his lips turned up and showed his teeths like the way they were in the picture
"Today is my birthday for godsakes stop being a drama queen and stand up my mad friend. lets make some of the craziest memories that can be made but..it should be a secret..you know i dont want anyone else think youve lost your mind by seeing dead" jack widened his eyes purposely and his mouth curved to an smile while bringing his pinky up near zach "deal?" Zach rolled his eyes while wiping the tears and smirked when he was standing up
"Oh yeah like they havent already thought about that a thousand times and ofcourse its a secret..no one would believe me anyway..talking with a ghost? Thats something out of even my boundaries"
Zach also brought his pinky up and tried to hook his finger in to jacks but failed when his finger passed his instead of hooking on it. Jack let out a loud laughter and shrugged while whispering sorry i had too..your face and then laughing again. The sound of his cheerful laugh brought a wave of happiness into zachs heart and placed an smile on his face after a long time.
"But lets admit that im not a normal ghost"
Jack made a serious face and narrowed his eyes while whispering. Zachs eyebrows raised in wonder and waited for him to finish his words
"Zach im a really handsome ghost" jack whispered and laughed again loudly. Zach tried to punch him in the arm but his hand passed his body. Jack pressed his lips to not laugh at zachs anger expression and cleared his throat.
"Ok zach are you ready to make my birthday lit with crazy shits?"
Zach crossed his arms and gave a half smile.
"Oh fuck yeah im ready...lets be crazier than ever"
Jack yelled in excitement "together"
Zach yelled back while grapping the strips of his back pack "together"
"Perfect" jack said while running towards the stairs and before going down he turned his head to face zach "lets meet the mountain..he told me he misses us a lot." Zach shook his head while laughing and followed him to the downstairs.
"I dont think he has missed us that much you know...all weve done to him was kicking and swearing and screaming while meeting..he wouldnt be wery happy about out reunion"
the mountain was a hill that they used to go there when they were emotionally disturbed. Like when they were too sad or angry and climbing the mountain while swearing and yelling at the top of their lungs would made them calm and relaxed. He checked the hall to be assure of its emptyness and when he saw the darkness he assumed that his mom is sleeping so he headed towards the door where jack was waiting for him and opened the door slowly to avoid any sound that could wake his mom up. after closing the door jack turned his face towards him with eyes that were shinig with thrill. " lets race till the mountain like our childhood ha??"
Zach sighed while preparing for run "you know i wont reject..1..2..3"
And both started to jogging. by the time they reached the hillside they were both out of breath and panting. Zach could hear his heartbeats ringing in his ears and the sweats were falling from his hairs. He looked at jack from the corner of his eyes while bending his back and grabbing his knees with his palms.
"Jack thats not fair you're a ghost running for them needs no effort"
Jack shrugged again while giving a lopsided grin "sorry body being a ghost has some advantages too" he turned and walked backwards to the hill.
"Zach do you remember the first time we discovered mountain? We were so young 10 i think and you had an argument with your mom..you walked towards me with anger and yelled at me i wanna kill myself lets find some place high..and instead of trying to convince you not to do so i suggested hills nearby..oh god i was a fucked up best friend"
Zachs facial expressions changed and sadness clouded his features
"Yeah you were fond of suicide and death from the first day...i should have known and never walked to your house again"
Jacks eyebrows pulled together and his eyes went round
"Za..zach im sorry please dont bring this up again"
Zach pursed his lips together and continued to climbing. Jack tried to break the silence by whistling and suddenly turned his head.
"Zach we usually came here when we were sad or mad but were here today to celebrate...isnt that fun?" Jack faked an laugh and when zach didnt replay back with laughter he asked him with a concerned tone
"How do you feel today"
Zach let out a sigh with downwards head "i donno jack...its so fucked up..its like a mixture of happiness and sadness..anger and regret...rage and guilt..i cant even tell"
Jack got close to him and tried to look at him in the eyes
"Heyy zach stop it..try to leave everything behind and forget everything that has been done. today is our day..you know if anyone would pass bere he would think youve lost your mind cause youre talking loudly with yourself"
Jack let out a gentle chuckle. Zach shrugged while putting his hands in his pockets "how about to say fuck their opinion cause im way too far away from carring about what everyone think or say about me..i stopped that from the day i met you with doing all thoes crazy shits...i didn't and dont want to impress anyone anymore...it doesnt matter what impression they got from me."
Jacks eyes turned bright while laughing and turned while walking to the top of the hill
"Well same..damn even when im dead were still goals"
Zachs eyes narrowed while following him to the top
"Can you stop reminding me that you're fucking dead? And be careful not to fall"
Zach waited for a second and raised one of his eyebrows in confusion
"Or...not..it doesnt matter anymore it wont hurt you my soul..." his eyes went round and stared at jack in wonder
"Oh god youre finally a soul wow"
Jack pressed his lips together to stop laughing but zach felt a pain in his heart remembering the times they called eatch other souls because they believed that theyre soulmates. The only sound that was audible was was the sound of their steps on the cold dusty ground. Zachs mind was boiling with thoughts and his heart was overflowing caused of the all the different emotions. When they finally reached the top of the hill jack closed his eyes infront of the stars and inhaled a deep breath. A smile took form on his lips while he turned his head towards zach and inviting zach to join him with his stare. Zach walked slowly till he reached besides jack and stared at the dark black sky. Their face was illuminated by the only source light, the silvery rays of moonlight. Jack stood infront of zach and looked exactly in his eyes
"Zach i need you to give me a promise"
Zachs eyes went round but he shook his head downwards in agreement. Jack took a deep breath and started again.
"I need you to promise me you will never forget me or the moments and all the shits we did together and also promise me remember the best of me not the last of me..."
Zach sniffed while the horrible image of jacks corpse passed his mind. He tried to avoid eye contact.
"You stupid bitch..how can i forget you..youre like a damn tattoo in my mind i could never forget you even if i wanted to."
Zach tried to hold back tears with biting his lips. Jack inhaled a deep breath.
"Ofcourse you shouldn't forget them because they were/are and will be the best and craziest moments of our lives..you know you cant never find anyone to remake them with" jack chuckled and zach continued.
"Nothing can replace them no one can be the way we were...we werent some random friends we were soulmates...the things we did.."
Zach closed his eyes and pressed his palms on his eyeballs in order to reduce the sharp pain in them.
"The things we did...no one could be like us and no one will...before i met you i used to be ashamed of my mind..of the way i was..of myself..but after you..i thought what is wrong to be a little crazy..what awful thing would happen because of a little madness..you taught me to embrace my differences and instead of hiding them try to enjoy they way they are. It was a short time together but it seemed forever..it was and will always be the best part of my life and my heart will always be warmed and weep by remembering them"
They sat while leaning their shoulders together and talked and reminded to each other all the good memories theyd shared but most of the time zach wasnt paying attention to the memory cause he was too deep in jacks face. His perfect flawless skin that was shining in the white light. His brown mesmerizing eyes that could capture any heart. And when the pink and orange shades of dawn reflected in jacks eyes zach realized how beautiful he is and by finally awaring of his true feeling..zach understood the reason of him staying so long in the grief. He had feelings for jack...not just as a best friend..more than that..he was...he was in love with jack...and it was to late to realize that..zach broke down in tears when the truth hit him hard. He could have stopped jack..if..if he had just noticed his feelings..everything would be different. Zach hided his face in his shaking hands and cried out with a painful tone
"Jack im so sorry..im so fucking sorry please dont leave me..dont you dare to leave me again i cant and wont survive this time.
Jack didnt show any sign of suprise or wonder like he knew the true the whole time. instead he tried to conform zach with a low tone.
"Shhh..its ok zach..its all ok..were good..we couldnt be together for a long time but it was the best and we were the best as you said yourself"
The salty tears flowed from his eyes to his mouth and he could taste his own sorrow and sadness. Jack stared at zachs downward eyes that were avoiding any contact
"Zach look at me..zach please look at me"
The craving that was mixed with a low tone of begging made his head to shot up to face the warm eyes of jack with his dizzy vision. Jack stood up and moved towards the endge of the hill. Zach rose and followed him while watching the sunrise rays shining on his clear skin. Jack smiled and stared to conform him with a honey liked tone.
"Zach..falling is not always a bad thing..you are sacred of falling because you think at the end it will be a destruction but sometimes it could be a nice landing..you have fallen in love and youre scared because of the end of it but dont let the end prevent you from enjoying the ride. Maybe it wont be that bad after all"
Zach looked at the edge while inhaling sharply, trying to focus on the ground his bottom lip quivered. He looked at jacks eyes and his stare shifted between his brown welcoming eyes to his soft pink lips. He knew that he couldn't succeed but he leaned forward without thinking and tried to kiss jacks lips and in his wonder that made his eyes round he didnt pass the jacks soul but he had placed his lips on his. He closed his eyes again and kissed him softly. The tears once again fell on his cheeks but they werent caused by sadness but the joy had brought them. Jacks head leaned towards his ears and whispered into them.
"Zach..were going to he happy till the end of the time..this forever is real" zach closed his eyes with a wide smile knowing that jacks words are true and the world lost its meaning to him when he closed his eyes once more.
.
.
.
.
.
It was 8 in the morning when ms herron had been woken up by the rings on the door. At first he thought it was zach that had went for a walk but as soon as he opened the door the horror shadowed on his face. Its wasnt zach or his friends as he had imagined but it was the cops standing in front of his front door and their expressions were a sign of not happy news. Cops searched zachs room and the attic. And in the attic unfer a blanket they found the a lot of hallucinations and when the forensic investigations had been done the report showed the existence of high dose of the exact same drug in zachs blood.
Ms herron fell on his knees crying when he heard the news. Seeing his white paler than ever lifeless face that used to have crimson colored cheeks..his cold hands that used to be warm and sweaty all the time and his bloody hair that used to shine although they werent...most of the time was torning his mothers heart apart. The only remaining thing that was zach was his smile. He was smiling like he was in a deep dream. And that was even more heartbreaking for ms herron. She couldn't understand the reason of his sons suicide she would never thought that his sweet son would jump off a mountain. The cops explained that it was because of the drugs but she knew his son wouldn't just jump because of drugs. And the mystery of his last smile never solved.