sad why dont we one shots

my ambassador

Here it comes again.
He grabbed the toilet seat with his shaky hands and threw out the remaining contents of his stomach in the toilet that were only water and bile due to the inability of his stomach to holding things in those past few days. The forceful expulsion made an sharp ache caused by the acid of his stomach while his stomach was keeping on contracting violently. His face was as pale as a corpse and his body was shivering like a leaf in the wind. The tears that were blurring his vision were streaming on his face and the droplets of it mixed with cold sweat were falling off from his face to the toilet. His eyebrows were raised and pulled together and his eyes were squeezed shut. He heaved again although there was nothing left and the water ran out of his wrinkled nose and spewed out of his choking mouth with long coughs. A sob had left out from his throat and the tears came out harder than before. For an split of second he wanted to shout out for help but the feeling of hopelessness had overtaken him as he realized he wasn't living with his roommates anymore. He still hadnt used to the loneliness and sometimes his eyes were searching for them before the acception of the fact that from now on he was on his own. He flushed the toilet and stood up but his week body couldnt take his weight and as his eyes went black, he lurched forward and sunk to his knees. He stopped for a few seconds and tried again. this time using the wall as a bearing was helping his body not to collapse. He dragged himself towards the mirror and his drooped eyelids prevented his vision from seeing the colorless face and drained lips. He opened his blue eyes and his eyes meet with the sad fragile boy. He took a deep breath to avoid the sobbing and slowly stepped towards the couch. He leaned his head the moment he sat with almost falling. He raised his hand and tried to focus on the watch on his shaking wrist. He took down his hand with a sigh and dragged his knees onto his stomach in order to decrease the pain. He was late for college and if he wasnt even so. He couldn't make it to the front door with his condition. How could he wanted to go to the bus station. He closed his sore eyes and tried to swallow the nausea that was clawing at his throat.
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Zach was about to leave the class when a tall figure ran towards him and gasped for the air. He tried to talk while panting and zach almost understood nothing. He rolled his eyes while punching jonah in the arm
"Could you say that one more time but this time slowwwwer?"
Jonah nobbed and took a deep breath.
"Have you seen Daniel?? I couldn't find him anywhere. He didnt attend the class and i couldn't find him in the campus eather."
Zach rolled his eyes once more while speaking with a dull tone.
"No i Haven't seen him jonah. unlike you im not everyones mom..maybe he has finally come to his mind and tried to skip a goddamn class for once in his life. hah??"
He raised his eyebrows and pushed the book in his hand on jonahs chest when he saw the reflection of anxiety.
"Come on jo dont he such a drama queen"
Jonah sighed and stared at zachs brown pupils.
"But..he has never skipped a class you know him hes a nerd not a nerd a super nerd"
Zach raised his voice in weariness
"Gesus! Exactly thats the point. hes never done that so why wouldnt he wanted to try it for a goddamn time now if you excuse me.. i need to get the fuck out of here bye"
He pushed back jonah and jogged to the campus with out hesitation to hear the reply.
Jonah tried to handle his worry. He tried to follow zachs steps for once and take the easy going way. After all, zach was right about his overthinking. But tomorrow when his wandering glance didn't catch a sign from him..he couldn't do the same as the otherd day. The reason of his absence was unknown to everyone even the principal himself. They've called him a few times but the only thing they're got was dialtones.
The thoughts wouldn't leave him alone all day so when the professor dismissed them he ran towards daniels house with maximum speed. His legs were burning and his lungs were on fire but he didnt stop till he reached the front door. He was panting and exhausted from all the run. When he rang the bell it took a few minutes till someone appeared. A pale unsteady figure opened the door and looked at jonahs face with blank eyes and black circles under them. He was leaned on wall beside the door to prevent the falling. He gaped at jonah with filed eyes while trying to hold back tears and his blue ocean pupils lit up a bit from the joy of seeing someone in that condition. Someone who was concerning and he could always lean on him. His lips curved into a lethargic smile as he slowly stepped aside for him to come inside. Jonah got the point and went in while studying his status. His sweaty blanched face. His dry lips and his inability in walking with balance were all signs of sickness. He needed to take him to the doctor and the situation was screaming NOW.
He turned and his eyes shifted between his trembling body caused by the laxity to his exhausted expression when he heard the Barely audible mumble that was made right before daniels eyesight blurred and everything became fuzzy.
"Help"
his consciousness floated away and he passed out and right before jonah could catch him. his faint body fell and hit the ground with an echoing sound in his eyes.
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The doctor had examined every part of Daniels weak body and questioned jonah while doing it.
Jonah was trying to answer the questions with smallest details but the only reply he received after every answer was a humm.
They were some tests including blood tests that made the shaking caused by the low blood glucose level double. They were sitting on plastic chairs in the white and green hallway and daniels head that couldnt bear its weight was on jonahs shulders while doctor was reading all the emergency charts after doctor had finished reading the charts with a blank expression he called for jonah and asked the nurse to take Daniel out so they could discuss things in private. And that was the moment jonah realized it wasn't just a normal faint...
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Daniels reaction was even worse than jonah had imagined. He expected shouts, curses and cries. Screams and beggings. But the only thing he received was a smile and a laugher after that.
"Yeah jonah im feeling like hell but not that much hell. playing games with me wont make it any better"
Tears welled up in jonahs eyes. The pain in his chest was burning him from the inside and all he wished for right there was daniel to be right.
But he knew the bitter damn truth. Hed seen the charts.
He shook his head.
"Daniel im serious..i want you to be alright...i would do everything possible to make it a joke but im not god. You need to see the doctor he will explain it to you"
Daniel let out another laughter and grinned at jonah.
"Oh ok lets see how much from now on you will put afford to make it believable Im feeling better and a ride would be nice i need some fresh air and the food is on you i dont have much money and im telling you after a few days of puking none stop my guts out im gonna eat half the menu"
He winked at jonah while the corners of his mouth turned up and whispered under his breath.
"Maybe ill be convinced"
And he wasn't wrong about it.
After the doctor had broken the news for him daniel didnt even shed a single tear or let out a single word. he wss too dizzy to even think. His expression was blank like a dead body and the reflection on his face was as uknown as a robot. The only reaction he showed that day was raising his head towards jonah and staring right into his soul.
Is this all a nightmare?
Jonah broke from the inside..
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Chemotherapy was the first and only option for Daniels type.
Most of days he would ask jonah or zach to sing or play for him to help him pass the time and escape the pain like the summer nights they had spent together in warm weather in the yard or would ask them to watch a movie with him but usually fell sleep in half when the medicines took him out . But he wasn't all calm and collected. Sometimes he would scream in pain and agony and shouted for death. The pain killers were affective at first but the more time had passed the stronger disease had become and neather painkillers would trace nor his mind could scape anymore. His skin had suken in tone to something more than pale and too lifeless in everywhere exept his hands that had shades of blue and purple in most parts caused by the uncountable needles and injections. His eyes were frozen over. His breathing were as low as a comma patient. But here he was. A mouth ago his plans were about mouths and years but today he couldn't even foreseen tomorrow. If there would be a tomorrow. Most of the time his body was so still and his eyes was so fixed on the ceiling that people would thought he was passed out. The only thing he was willing was to rather die right
now from the cancer or overdose from the pain killers.
Everyday that was passing he could see the complications of chemotherapy that were taking form on his body. Everyday he was waking up with a handful number of his brunette hair on the pillowcase and everytime he was looking at the mirror it was impossible to not find some fallen eyelashes under his puffy eyes. When ever he would move his fingers through his hair he would face a bunch of hairs stuck in them and his hand was that much shaking that he couldn't play his cello anymore. The only reason hed chosen the music major and the only passion that had made him not to skip a single class..but they didnt matter anymore anyway. He didnt have medical insurance and the prices for his medecins, chemotherapy and specialists were that much high that his family barely could pay. The had to sell most of their things for the money. His mothers beloved furniture. His farhers favorite tools in garage and even her little sisters new car that she was on top of the earth when his father bought that for her. Hes live had become to a cycle of back and forths to the hospital and home.
He had decided the decision. He knew no one was home. His mother was at hospital for buying some no longer usefull medicans and his father was working for paying for those. He rose up from the bed but immediately realized how painful his body was when he bit his lip to keep himself from crying out.
Sharp pain lanced through his aching body and black spots flashed in front of his eyes. He walked to the kichen and opened the Cupboard . He knew it was there. Hed seen it a thousand times while looking for other stuffs. those times that hed never imagined he would needed it one day. He found it and grabbed it in his loose week grip. He opened the tube and took out a bit of it. He stared at the black rat poison with doubt. knowing he only had a few minutes after ingesting rat poison. He had searched about it when ever he wasnt sleeping because of painkillers or screaming due to sharp pain. He took a bit of it with his fingertips and took a deep breath to avoid the sob. While closing his eyes he opened his mouth. His fingertip that was covered in rat poison touched his tongue and the wave of bile came to his throat. He closed his mouth and covered it with his two hands while trying to swallow the rat poison down. He closed his eyes that were soring and tears from the the pain fell down on his heated up cheeks. He raised his head and walked towards his room. It had been a long time since he had observed his room but he wanted to do it for the last time. He limped along side the wall with his fingers touching the blueish wall that was consonant with his blue bed that he had since he was a little boy. He reached the white chair beside his blue desk and took a pen out. Not long after starting writing he realized no one could read his once beautiful handwriting that was unreadable now due to the shivers of his hand. He grabbed his phone and reclaimed on the bed.
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"Im sorry that youre the one who has to hear my last words. Maybe because you were the one that was with me through all the process. From the very beginning till now the end. Or maybe because youre the most faithful and collected friend i have. Imagine sending this voice to zach..he would probably freak out and delete the voice from fear and shock"
He let out a chuckle and wiped a single tear with his sleeves.
"Anyway, happy or not. You have been chosen to be my ambassador from the other world mr jonah marais i dont know i don't know..dont be mad dude i barely even heard your full name once and its difficult as hell.
His smile started to fade as he started again
"So..i dont fear death as i once told you..but i hate the doubt..i hate being in the middle not knowing when this will all over. Weather ill be healed or die. Im tired of my bodys self destruction. Day by day this cancer will spread and defeat every organ and every med that tries to hold it. Dont blame yourself or anyone else it was me. I had a good life to be honest. Nice family members and friends that would put any afford the could for me. But i dont want to linger here anymore. I no longer belong here anymore"
Daniel felt the pain that was increasing in his stomach but he smiled. He had been used to it. His old friend pain wanted pay him a visit for the last time. But his time was short so he continued with his shaky voice.
"Jo..jonah..i...please say goodbyes from me to everyone i once knew. Especially my family. Tell them i loved them the most and i always appreciate their affords and love. I could never imagined a better family and i didnt even deserved that much love. Please tell zach that although he was on my nerves 24 hours per day but i always adored him and you..im thankful and forever be because all the things you did that you havent had to. All the supports and helps that werent your duty but you were to kind to not to do so"
He let out a sob and cried for the first time in a long time. He continued while crying.
"I always saw you as my big brother that i could trust and if there will be an after life..if it isnt all void and darkness.. ill be watching you from the above and always think of you. See you not soon on the other side brother.
He grabbed his phone and sent the voice. He looked at the roof that he used to stare and imagine future while he was trying to sleep in childhood. He would never thought that his colorful future would be filled with pain and tears, wishes and regrets.
He stared at the roof And let the rat poison finishing cancers unfinished job. After all he had defeated cancer. It couldn't take him down. He did. His vision started to fade away as he closed his eyes like the way he wanted to sleep in childhood but this time this sleep was way more longer..