Thank You Letters To Coronavirus

For aMusement

And she called me again -
I heard her calling many times in the whisper of quietness;
in the staggering tranquility of sound.
Yet oftentimes I would leave it untouched, questioning my own hearing
with unheard-of resistance.
I persistently insisted on my own terms of receiving
her unconditional love.
I thought I wasn't ready - I would never get ready enough.
My walls were stubborn and steady,
I kept deceiving myself with the most deceitful self-doubt.
I was so attached to the outcome without even getting started.
So I would end up playing the staring game -
I would stare at the empty screen for a while.
And the blinking cursor of the text
would beat me up in the blink of an eye,
leaving me defeatedly unspoken,
and repeatedly forsaken and broken
by my own unbeatable self-abuse.
But she amused me again - my courageous Muse!
She came to me when I was in the midst of a downfall
from the high altitude to the very bottom of boredom.
That's how I intended to make a leap of faith in pursuit of ultimate freedom.
It was a proper quantum jump, I shall admit -
I finally merged with my own uncreated creation
that existed before and after me,
and perpetually exists in every moment of now.
So as soon as I let go of my fractured perception,
I won.
For the first time in countless lifetimes,
I managed to fathom what it takes
to create without fear of rejection,
to become one with Muse without projection
of non-existent failure or probable success.