Before the Morning [BEING EDITED]

05 | Blueberry Pancakes

What had she done?

Over the years, the question had sprung to mind on more than one occasion. She asked herself this whenever she stayed up all night writing a song, or when she and Willow ate too much takeout and spent the rest of the night bloated and feeling, as the Oxford student described, "icky." The question—the accusation—had been all but surgically implanted in her head since she was eight, when her mom died.

And the question occurred to her on the 23rd of May, when she turned to Nolan and said, without thinking, "I am."

She offered him a job. A job. And a job making a music video at that.

"You're not going anywhere."

What if he'd said yes? She couldn't make a music video. That would be like slapping her dad across the face—stating she didn't care what he thought of what she deserved, because she was determined to make something of herself anyway.

But he didn't say yes. Everything was fine.

What had she done?

On a loop, the thoughts ricocheted around her head, growing steadily in decibel—what had she done—what if Nolan had said yes—she couldn't make her music official—what would that be saying to her dad—everything was fine—what had she done?

"Garner, you're up!"

She blinked, and she was back at Ashfield Park. Andy gestured for her to step into the tetherball ring—one of the four that stood a yard away from the faded cement of the basketball court. For the past twenty minutes or so—when her friends had finally dried enough to where they weren't actively dripping—they'd embarked on a tetherball championship. Nora was honestly surprised she'd made it this far. It was the second to last match—only Max and Nolan remained standing.

She stepped into the ring and flexed her fingers. "You ready?" she asked, wriggling her eyebrows.

"Yup," Nolan said.

She wondered why he really said no to her offer. She was grateful, of course, but there was something hiding behind his guilt. When she'd offered, his expression had brightened, only to fall to a tense set in his jaw and shoulders. What did he have to fear? Had she really crept him out that much?

She winced. As relieved as she was to not have to scramble to deal with the consequences of her actions, the idea of him being uncomfortable around her stung.

Nolan hit the ball first, and it soared toward her. She nearly missed it—and definitely tripped on her own two feet—but she slapped it back toward him before the rope could wind around the pole.

He sent the ball back with ease. Had he played tetherball on the playground, too, when he was growing up?

Where had he grown up? He could have grown up in Greeley, obviously, but she hadn't seen him around until last year, and while Greeley High certainly wasn't small, it wasn't necessarily large either. And between her, Andy, Max, and Willow, they knew basically everyone.

"Yes!" she squealed as the ball wrapped once around the pole. She slapped it again—

And Nolan sent it back, undoing all of her hard work.

"Ha ha!" Andy teased.

Willow tapped him lightly upside the head.

"Okay, you can go back to England now," Andy said.

"But, Candy Cane," Willow drawled, "if I go, you'll be the only one in the band who sucks at singing."

"Ah-ha!" Andy thrust an accusing finger at Nora. "You tattled. That's why she threatened to eat me first."