I Was Never Loved

I Was Never Loved- chp 8

Chapter 8

By the end of the next month everything had toned down. There wasn't much talk about anything except the school dance that was scheduled for the following month and no one seemed to remember my blundered when I'd just arrived. The Body had become more accepting of my presence at their table, whenever Jayden or Jonie called me over to have lunch with them—all except Erin of course. There hadn't been a spike in anyone trying to snag Jayden's attention since then either. Despite what Jayden had said, there seemed to be a small rumor going about that Erin had staged that whole scandal, as a means of teaching Carmen to leave her man alone and for all the truth it lacked, it was still enough to scare many of the girls onto the path that was straight, narrow and headed in Jayden's opposite direction. I confess even I would have avoided him if I thought she'd been behind something that big but for once, I had been an insider. I knew what really happened and I wasn't afraid. It was perhaps for that reason that she still glared at me whenever we were forced to be in the same spaces and why I didn't stay away.

It was the strangest thing; this new life I'd wanted seemed to be working out. No one spoke about me any more than they did anyone else and I had friends—real friends both within my class and within the Body. School became my haven. When I was here, I was truly happy. There were many lunch hours that I found myself laughing so hard I could cry. I wasn't the alien. I wasn't the apathetic girl that stayed by herself, rejected by society and it felt...strange. That was the only way I could describe it. But even with all this, I just couldn't get over my past. I'd learned to smile when 'jokes' were told but there were still times I didn't find them funny. My sense of humour was not quite at their level. Every time I tried to forget, it would all simply come crashing back to my mind with haunting force.

Much to my utter shock and horror, I realized that I really liked Jayden but something prevented me from telling him. Fear, uncertainty, stubborn will, whatever it was, I kept this fact to myself. It wouldn't do me any good. He might not have felt the same way and I refused to allow things to fly south just when they were finally looking good. Alternately, he might have felt the same way then we—more specifically me—would become the talk of the school and the subject of all new rumours for the next millennium. It wasn't a risk I was willing to take, not even two months into this new school career.

Jayden was different from all the other guys I'd known; he was thoughtful, considerate, funny and even his arrogance was attractive. For that reason, I wouldn't lose him by proclaiming feelings that for all I knew could prove fleeting within another week or two. Human nature was fickle by design; it was not worth taking big risks for.

"Hey who are you guys going to the dance with?" Madelyn asked as we all sat down to lunch. I hadn't thought of that. I forgot I needed a date entirely. Dances weren't exactly my thing. Up until Sydney talked me into it, I didn't plan to attend this one but that girl had way of turning the most adamant 'no's into yeses. I still wasn't sure I wanted to go but this was the first time in a long time I had a reason to and friends that would support me through it. Seemed like bad karma to throw an opportunity like this back at the Universe. At first I was going to ask Jayden but every time I tried it just seemed too hard so I gave up. It wasn't something I'd ever done before and the fear of choking or having him tell me he was already going with Erin was enough to keep me quiet.

"A Fifth Year asked me to go with him but I'm not sure if I should." Hayley admitted with a shy little smile in place.

"Why not? He's only two grades higher than you." Lara protested. As far as I knew, she was still on the date hunt as well.

"I know . . . but what if people stare?" She was a little shy. The thought of everyone's eyes on her scared her as much as it did me—though for very different reasons.