Too Afraid To Love You

Chapter Three

I stood in front of Happy in complete disbelief with what he had said. Are we fuckin in my bed or yours? Who did he think I was?  I pushed my glasses to the top of my head and crossed my arms. He smiled. He was clearly amused with my anger. I knew he was the type to push anyones buttons and I do mean anyones. It didn't matter whose. I just hadn't expected it to be this annoying when he did. Sometimes I overhear him say shitty things to some of the other members. Mostly the ones with Prospect on their vests. It was kind of fucked up. From our -one of two - encounters he wasn't exactly the nicest. I kind of expected that. But his erratic behavior was over the top sometimes. One time someone in the garage accidentally dropped a car part on Happy's foot. It was only an accident. The man grabbed a welding torch and threatened to burn his initials in their back. I took it as a joke but based on his behavior, he was probably serious. 

I stared at him and squinted. 

"I thought we agreed to forget about everything?" I asked irritated. 

"No," he began "You agreed to that. I had said that I already knew what you tast-" 

"Ok! Ok! Ok!" I began yelling and shaking my hands for him to stop. "We don't need a recap of what happened." I said. This is slightly exhausting. I already felt uncomfortable with the idea of me sleeping with someone I have to see damn near everyday at work. Now I have to hear about our magical but incredibly embarrassing one night stand. It was humiliating. It's one thing to establish that there is a mutual attraction between you and someone else. It's normal for adults to have one night stands. It's normal for adults to have casual sex with whomever they please. However, what isn't normal is for someone to constantly bring it up. To go against your wishes of never wanting to speak of it again. To completely throw you out as though you're trash. That, in someway, you may be beneath them. It was infuriating and I was completely over it. 

I stared at Happy, he was chuckling lightly. The idea of him thinking any of this was funny pissed me off. I balled my hands into fists by my side. 

"You're a dick you know that right?" I asked. He stopped laughing. 

"I've been told once or twice." He said casually. 

"I can't stand you." I spoke softly. He chuckled. 

"Yet you're incredibly infatuated with me" He said smiling, "You ever ask yourself that?" 

I stared at him blank faced. I was infatuated with the fact that he had a great smile. That he was quiet and was an incredible listener. That night. Our night. He took me to the bar and I blabbered on with my drunken non-sense, he sat and listened. Listened through all of it. He laughed when he should've and he gave advice when I asked. I thought he was sweet. His hand brushed mine occasionally throughout the night and I liked how rough they felt. Signs of a hard worker. I knew he was driven. That he had goals and aspirations. I like that he was so closed off about his personal life. He was like a puzzle. A puzzle I believed I could crack. I was incredibly stupid for thinking I could. 

"I'm not infatuated with you. I would say I'm more annoyed than anything."  I began without thinking, "You infuriate me. We should've never had sex. To be honest I already forgot we even did!" 

"No you didn't." He said walking towards me. "'cause if you had, you wouldn't stare at me as much as you do when you think I'm not looking." He spoke in a low voice so only I could hear. "So tell me again about how much I sexually frustrate you?" He said running his hand lightly up my arm. My breath caught in my throat. He was standing in front of me. In my heels we stood at the same height. He was so close to me. His touch felt almost unbearable. I pressed my legs closer together.