awe sugar | johnny cade

chapter 5

CHARLOTTE BLARAKO

july 7th, 1963
tulsa oklahoma

my eyes fluttered open to the sound of the gang messing around.

"darry, is there any cake left?" steve yelled across the house.

"yeah, it's in the icebox!" darry yelled back.

johnny was still clinging to me, breathing softly.

"pony, what time is it?" i asked.

"around 12pm, you and johnny sleep the longest out of anyone in the gang." he replied smartly. "why don't you wake him up?"

"he had a rough night, and i'm letting him sleep for as long as he wants."

"awe, why don't you just date already?" he smirked, causing the gang to laugh.

"he's my best friend. he doesn't even like me." i shrugged lightly underneath him.

the whole gang erupted into laughter at my statement and i raised my eyebrow a bit.

"what?" i replied innocently.

"its obvious that he likes you char. you're just too naive to notice." dal rolled his eyes. i just rolled them right back and played with johnny's hair, thinking.

"do you like him, char?" soda asked, wiggling his eyebrows slightly. i hesitated for a moment. not because i wasn't sure, but because i didn't know if they would tell him or not. i didn't want it to ruin our friendship.

"yeah, but don't tell him please. i'll tell him when i'm ready." i sighed. they all laughed but i just ignored them. i slowly slid out from underneath johnny and covered him with the blanket, and placed a kiss on his head before walking to the door.

"i have to go home, i'll see you guys later!" i waved.

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"honey, please talk to me!" my mom yelled out of frustration.

"you know what mom? i'm not talking to you until you kick that pig of a man out of this house! you don't understand how much he's wrecked me physically and mentally, and it really sucks. i wish you would've realized sooner. if you truly loved me, you would kick him out. but, i guess you don't." i screamed back, furious. i've never gotten this mad before. i stormed upstairs and took a shower, and got ready. (next picture)

i made my way downstairs and tried to make my way out of the door unnoticed. key word, tried.

"how dare you disrespect your mother! she does everything for you and you are just acting like a stupid bitch! i bet it's those greaser boys you're hanging out with." my dad spat.

"you know what, mom may do things for me but the one thing she didn't do was get this coward of a man out of this house." i growled. he slugged me a few times for the amount of disrespect i shot at him, and i felt sort of guilty. you know what, screw it. "and those boys are the only ones who make me feel welcome. and guess what? i'm in love with one of them! he's greasy, and he's tuff." i purposely made him angry. he kicked me in the stomach and threw me out of the house once again. thankfully.

————

"what the hell happened, char?" pony asked, pulling me into the house.

i rolled my eyes, "what do you think happened?"

he must've been taken aback by my attitude because his eyes widened a bit.

i slowly sat down on the couch, blood dripping down my face. johnny got up without a word and came back with a wet wipe to wipe off the blood. it was just from my nose, and besides the bruises i was fine.

"are you okay?" johnny asked slowly and quietly. i nodded my head slightly, too scared to speak. if i opened my mouth, i would yell at him for asking such a stupid question when the answer is clear. but i can't yell at johnny.

"charlotte you're clearly not okay, just stop being a bitch and tell us what happened!" dal yelled at me from across the room. johnny furiously stood up, but i grabbed him hand in mine and sat him back down.

"i think i'm gonna go, i'll see you later johnnycakes." i smiled. soda called for me as i closed the door. as soon as the door was shut, the waterworks started up. dallas was right, i was being a bitch to the only people who cared about me. i ran until i could no longer feel, i ran until my legs gave out. i dropped to the soft grass in the flower field and cried softly.

tw - mention of self harm. if you are feeling suicidal or you want to harm yourself do not hesitate to message me. you are worth it, love.

i pulled out my switch that two-bit gave me, although i would never use it. at least not on other people. i felt the cool metal drag on my own skin. i didn't deserve to be around such amazing people. i was worthless. i watched in frustration as my tears fell and landed on the metal, glistening in the sunlight. just as i was about to make the first cut, the knife was on the ground in the blink of an eye. i turned around to see a girl that appeared around my age, with black curly hair and a flower dress.

"girly that is not the solution to your problems. i'm sure you have so many people that care about you. what's going on?" for once in my life, i wasn't given a sympathetic look.

i began to express my whole story to her, and why dallas' words impacted me so much. i felt as if i wasn't good enough for them, and that i was being selfish. i had no right to be upset after being so disrespectful, i deserved it. especially not when i'm giving my friends the attitude. i walked with the girl back to the curtis house where i planned on apologizing.

"so, what's your name?" she smiled.

"charlotte blarako, but feel free to call me char! what about you?"

"andrea malatke."

"well andrea, this is my stop. will i see you around?" i asked.

"i'm sure you will, please stay out of trouble for me alright?"

"of course. thank you so much, you saved me today." i squeezed back the tears and i pulled her into a big hug.

i walked into the curtis house and took a deep breath.

"where's ponyboy?" i asked soda.

"he's in his room."

"thanks sodapop."

i knocked slowly and a few seconds later the door was flung open.

"ponyboy, i'm really sorry for having an attitude with you. i didn't mean to, i was just angry at my parents and i was taking it out on-"

"it's okay char, i know." he smiled.

"where's johnny?"

pony smirked and i playfully hit him on the arm. if you didn't know or forgot, the whole gang knows about me liking him. he moved aside to reveal johnny sleeping on the bed. i walked over to the bed and whacked him with a pillow.

his eyes shot open and he glared at me and rolled over so i was facing his back.

"hey, i let you sleep this morning!" i begged, hopping onto the bed. he just laughed and turned over to face me.

"your dad?" he questioned, sitting up to graze his fingers across the bruise. i nodded and he pulled me into a hug.

"not on my bed!" soda yelled, running into the room. i threw the pillow at him and he snickered, running away.

"do y'all wanna go to the dingo? i'm starvinggg." i whined. both of the boys laughed at me but agreed.