My Name Is Bucky

двадцать девять (29)

I wasn't lost.

In fact, I have great navigation skills thanks to HYDRA. However, the forest seemed to confuse me in ways I didn't think were possible. The flashes of red from the trees made my heart beat faster than usual. I knew something was going to happen.

Now would be a great time to have my deadly metal arm available but there was still no way to heal it so I was stuck, weaponless, in an unfamiliar forest. I was stuck as Bucky.

I hate Bucky

It seemed like I was rubbing in circles as I jumped over branches and bushes that had claimed the pathway. The man in red was able to keep up with me but he stayed away. I instinctively reached for the knife on my belt before realizing I was wearing Steve's hoodie and had no belt on.

I didn't have any way of telling tony, Natasha, or Steve that I was lost and being pursued. If the devil said my words I would be done for. I could possibly kill everyone in the compound.

Thinking quickly, I dove into a low opening of a cave. I stayed as quiet as possible while I watched red boots stop at the entrance. The devil paused to look around before running off in another direction.

The scared boy inside of me wanted to run out of that cave as soon as the devil stepped away. But the warrior, whether it was sergeant Barnes or the winter soldier, forced me to stay put.

I spent a while studying and exploring the cave. It went far back and seemed to be hidden from the outside world on all sides. Rocks jutted from the ground in all different directions. A little green lizard scurried his way onto a rock near my left. He stuck his head up and cocked his face to look at me curiously. I noticed he had no tail.

"We're in this together, little buddy," I smiled slightly.

He seemed to understand and did a little nod with his head before jumping to the exit rock and hurrying on his way. Water dripped from the roof slowly and steadily. I felt weirdly calm in the cave, and I felt like nobody would be able to get me.

I don't know when it happened, but I know that I fell asleep.

I ran from the trenches. I couldn't see as blood and sweat poured into my eyes. Somebody grabbed my ankle and pulled me down right as a bullet shrilled past my head. The mud was slimy between my fingers and didn't give me a great grip on my gun.

A man charged towards me with his weapon drawn. I struggled but grabbed hold of the trigger and fired. He fell to the ground dead. I looked at him in horror. My enemy was a skinny blonde kid who looked too much like Steve.

I screamed and sat up, reaching around for Steve before I remembered where I was. Outside burned red and orange as the sun set. I figured I was safe enough, so I scooted out of the cave and tried to track my way back to the base.

My footprints were fresh in the gravel and made finding my way back much easier. There was no sign of the devil, and the feeling j bad of being watched no longer loomed over me. I finally felt safe.

The compound looked as if it were on fire when the sunset sparkled on it directly. It was a beautiful sight. I walked up to the front door and had to show the guards my cast for them to believe I was who I said I was.

I walked past the portrait of Howard in the grand hall and averted my eyes. I decided to take the stairs up to Steve's apartment, even though I knew I would not sleep.

As I reached the top of the stairs I heard Steve and Natasha talking to one another. I held my breath as I listened, hoping Natasha wasn't mad about our kiss.

"No, Steve. You are not allowed to sit here and mope! You can't hide your feelings from somebody and get mad when they don't know how you feel!"

Steve seemed annoyed. "I'm not going to confuse him. I'm just happy to get him back-"

"You're telling him or I will."

"That is none of your business."

Nat spoke firmly. "You need to get out of your head. He is a challenge because he is scared and he is damaged. You promised to be with him no matter what."

"Til the end of the line," Steve murmured.

"Exactly. So you need to stop locking him out."

"He chose you. I have to respect that. I know you had a relationship in the past."

"Steve, when we kissed, there was nothing. It was a fling a long time ago. He's not fully the winter soldier anymore."

Something infuriated me while I listened to Steve talking about me after ignoring me for a week. I huffed and walked right in between them before storming into Steve's apartment. I heard him call after me but I ignored it.

Something about hearing Natasha say there was nothing to the kiss hurt me more than it should've. She was one of my only ties to my past, and it felt like she was playing a game with me.

Steve came behind me and put his hand on my left shoulder, but I ripped off the sling he had grabbed and threw it in the ground as I kept walking. My left arm burned in pain and I knew Steve was freaking our behind me.

I didn't like my bedroom, but now it was my oasis. I shut Steve our and locked the door. It felt like the cave but without the threat of the devil.

"Buck," Steve sounded desperate. "Please, I'm sorry."

"Why can't you just be up front with me?" I felt my heart ache. "What happened to my Stevie from Brooklyn?"

Silence. I stared at the door and waited for an answer that I didn't know existed. More importantly, I wondered what happened to Bucky. How much of him was left and why.

I felt Steve's weight against the door and heard him sigh. "I understand why you're angry but can you please open the door."

Bucky reached for the handle immediately. He was always one to forgive Steve no matter what. I felt relieved to feel so attached and so connected at this moment.

Next thing I knew, I was enveloped in Steve's arms (and aware that he did not touch my left arm where it was hurt). He held my face in his hand and looked at me.

"Bucky, I'm sorry."

It was the first time I knew something was real.