Yanna

five

THAT NIGHT I DIDN’T SLEEP, I WAS so shaken my mind can’t register what he’d said, I never got to ask him if it’s true or maybe I heard wrong because of the sick churning on my stomach. I twist and turn, then stared at the ceiling unblinkingly. It was foolish of me to be scared, I told him I can take it, but then I chickened out without letting him explain. Maybe he was just joking.

He called. He said that it happened long ago, he didn’t know how to say it to me in person. But did he really? I sighed.

The back of my shirt stuck at my skin, I was sweating from the heat, the closed windows not helping me one bit but I was too lazy to open it. I kept thinking of his true name, I know now why people are avoiding him, but something’s not right…something’s off. He’s too nice (and awkward).

I decided to give him a chance to explain correctly, I’ll talk to him by morning, and I’m going to let him explain everything. Suddenly I felt dizzy, I swirled my way out of bed, heading to the bath room. I clicked on the switch, opening the mirrored cabinet and took what I needed and went back to bed.

The next morning, I woke up early, surprising both myself and Papa. I headed to the kitchen where pops was sitting on a table for two near the window, having his usual breakfast which is buttered toast and brewed coffee. He told me Jane’s flight is delayed but she’ll be here soon.

I grabbed a granola and turned my heels and headed to the door, “Just one minute young lady, c’mere” his tone was soft but commanding. I spun around, a little nervous when I remembered what I’d done yesterday. “Yep?” I asked, trying to calm myself.

“When I picked you up at school, I expected an explanation but never got the chance, did I?”  When I got in the car, I did everything to distract him, listening to his favorite song on the radio (I know he’ll sing it), trying to fake sleep and attempted to fake vomit that I and him both knew was crossing the line.

“Sorry” was all I said and I saw fury in his eyes and I was gulping nervously, beads of sweat trickling down at the side of my temple. The journey to school was full of debates, punishment and lectures, as I saw the silhouette of the school behind the trees we’re passing by, I sighed in relief but stopped midway when I realized I have to face him today.

Something was definitely not right when I remembered laine’s laugh, his teasing smile, and his trademark weirdness that keeps me and him tied. I walked through the hallways and went to my locker, today I didn’t saw laine waiting for me there. I didn’t saw him at class either.

The second I opened my locker, a note fell down on my worn out converse. Confused, I picked it up. I don’t remember being the Remember-things-using-sticky-notes kind of girl. To my amazement, I realized it was from Laine.

Meet me in the library –L

I never thought laine’s this kind of guy, using notes and all but then I also think he’s not the kind to… do something to someone too. I stuffed it in my pockets and asked the boy beside me making out with his girlfriend. “Do you mind?” he said gesturing to the girl when I butted in. “Sorry, do you know where the library is?” I asked. “Second floor, go up then turn left”

“Thanks” and I headed off.

I went inside the library. The smell of books filled my nostrils as I examined the area. The librarian’s desk is beside the door where I’m standing at. Piles of books were scattered on a corner, someone must have emptied a bookshelf.

I walked through the hall, to my left is where the bookshelves are aligned like pieces of dominos I liked to play once when I was a kid and to my right is where the tables and chairs are set for students who are most likely to visit rarely.

I spotted Laine right ahead when I saw his shaggy (but in a good way) hair, he was staring at the window that separates us from falling, he’s unaware of my presence when I came in close, I noticed that he was listening to music using his earpiece.

I tapped his shoulder causing him to jerk. He pulled out his earpiece, a rock song playing meekly behind. I smiled but unusually, he didn’t return one. “Hey,” I said

“We need to talk” he said seriously, I nodded half curious and half nervous.

“Is it about yesterday?” I asked and he nodded in response. “Is it true?” another nod, then a tensed silence took over, he was staring at the window and I turned my head to stare too. Autumn was my favorite season, I recall as I looked at a poster that reminded me. “Can I explain?” I sensed that he was looking at me, a few moments after I nodded. “It started a year ago when I just turned sixteen, I was the school’ varsity in basketball and there I met her,” He paused, and I look at him.

“We started being friends and I always saw her watching me play,” he paused again, I saw his eyed glistened.

“She was the first girl I’ve ever dated Yan but…” he stopped, clearly trying to hold off his emotions but I knew what he was going to say.

“Something happened between you two…” I finished off for him. “People taught I did those to her Yan but I didn’t, I didn’t touch a single hair… I didn’t” I inhaled sharply.

“But why didn’t you defend yourself? You were innocent” he could just have told the truth and tell everyone what really happened then everything would be fine. He looked away, “Well, maybe because I did Yan, I killed her.” Then it hit me,

“You’re blaming yourself” it was more like a statement than a question. He couldn’t look me in the eyes, he still didn’t tell me exactly what happened but I’ll wait, and I won’t run away.  He turned his back, “Yanna, were you scared of me?”A few moments later, I just nodded even though his back was turned on me, “you could just ignore me” when I didn’t response, he took it as a yes and went to head off. “But I’ll promise you this, I’ll tell you everything from now on, step by step,”

But before he could take a step, I went In front of him and he stopped abruptly. “Why would I ignore you?”I said and his eyes widened a bit, “you already know Yan,”

“So?”I asked and he arched his eyebrows at me, “Why not?” I said, I don’t care if everyone hates him, being with him is… I couldn’t think of a word to explain it but I settled for the word, nice. He smiled a genuine smile that made me smile too.

“You know, I still don’t know your name” I said to him while we walked together, heading outside the library. He grinned, “It’s Mark” 

“Ok Mark,” I emphasized his name, “Why are you weird?” he looked blankly at me, “Am I weird?”He asked after a few seconds passed and I stifled a giggle, “Yes!” and he chuckled, “That’s just me then, you’re average weirdo friend, let’s go grab some ‘Grassy’ stuff!” He did an air fist and we laughed our way to the door.

Everything turned out better than I expected and I knew that day, I won’t let him go through this alone.

And then I remembered I have cafeteria duty.