Open Wounds

Talk to Him

Remus paced back and forth in the common room, his stomach turning. He can't believe he made Sirius yell at him. Something is definitely wrong, Remus could see the pain in his eyes, and why was he so thin? He was close to wasting away. Why wouldn't Sirius just talk to him?

Peter sighed, "Bloody hell Rem, your pacing is only making you more anxious at this point! C'mere," he patted the space next to him on the couch, "Just sit and take a breath."

Remus threw himself down on the sofa, huffing and burrowing himself into his sweater. His thoughts were bouncing around in his head so quickly that he could hardly interpret them.

"I really wouldn't get that worked up about it, I mean you know how Sirius can be sometimes. He prides himself in how broody he can be! This is probably just one of his moods, you know?"

Remus shook his head fervently, "No, this is more than that. He's never lashed out at me before, and he seemed...different?" He bit his nails in between sentences, "I don't know, maybe you're right, but my gut says it's more than that."

Peter furrows his brow, trying to figure out what to say next, but suddenly the common room door opened and James and Sirius came through. Remus whipped his head around, his eyes fixated on Sirius, but Sirius just looked straight at the ground. He rushed past the group, mumbling a faint "goodnight" as he went up the stairs to their room.

Remus felt like he was going to cry. He buried his head into his hands, trying to fight off the tears. Meanwhile, James fell into the chair across from him, leaning forward as he glanced between Peter and Remus. He wrung his hands together, not sure what to tell them.

"Moony," he began, "don't blame yourself for anything, alright? He's just having a tough time right now, he didn't mean anything by it."

The boy raised his head, "Why didn't he want to see us this summer?"

James froze, he didn't have an excuse ready, "What? I never said he didn't want to see you."

Remus shook his head, "Come on James! He runs away to yours and suddenly we aren't allowed over for the rest of the summer? What happened?"

James took a moment before sighing, "That's really not for me to say."

This, of course, was not the answer Remus was searching for, but he understood. Obviously if something happened, it's up to Sirius to tell him, but why wouldn't he? Does he not trust Remus anymore?

Peter bounced his eyes between the two; the silence in the air too tense for him. He never knew what to do in situations like this. He decided on simply putting a comforting hand on Remus's back.

Remus sat in deep thought for a moment, feeling the concerned looks from his friends boring into him. They probably think he's overreacting, because who has a whole meltdown over a small tiff?

James rips him out of his thoughts, "You know, you could go try to talk to him before he goes to bed. You might even be able to cheer him up." Not even James is sure if this is the absolute right thing to do here, but he can tell Remus is hurting.

"Yeah, yeah, I suppose," Remus pulled himself off the sofa, rubbing his hands on his jeans nervously, "Sorry, I'm just tired with the recent full moon is all. You're right, thank you."

Remus slowly ascended the stairs, trying to think of what to say to Sirius. He stood outside of the door for a moment and took a deep breath before reaching a shaky hand forward and opening the door, only to find the room empty.

He looked around confused, he could smell cigarette smoke, so Sirius was obviously here recently. Did he slip back out without anyone noticing? No, of course not, he would've had to go through the common room. Right then, Remus noticed that the window was open. He approached it and stuck his head out, spotting Sirius sitting on the edge of the roof.

Remus stood and watched him, observing how he seemed to cave in on himself. He sat with his knees tucked to his chest, his cigarette dangling from his slender fingers. His body shook, almost like he was crying. Wait, is he crying?

Slowly and carefully, Remus climbed onto the roof, careful not to scare Sirius. As he came closer he began to hear quiet sobs coming from the fragile looking boy. Remus has never seen him crumble like this before, it's strange coming from someone who usually works very hard to hide his emotions.

"Pads?" Sirius turned his head around so fast that Remus swore he could've broken his neck, "Sorry, I just wanted to check in on you and say I'm sorry about earlier." He sat down next to him, Sirius's eyes watching him the entire time, tears silently falling from them.

Sirius stared at the scarred and freckled boy for a moment, watching how the setting sun's light danced in his eyes. Remus cleared his throat, snapping Sirius out of his daze. Sirius looked away, his face burning and his throat tight. He wiped the tears off of his face before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's okay," Remus's voice cracked, "I'm just sorry I made you angry."

Sirius looked up to see the boy's eyes brimming with tears, "Of course I want to talk to you, I just...I don't know what you want me to say." He shrugged his shoulders.

"You don't have to say anything. You can just sit here and continue to be sad if you would like," Remus chuckled dejectedly, "I just wasn't sure if you wanted my sad company to add to it."

Sirius smiled past the tears, his grey eyes lighting up and making Remus's heart skip a beat, "You know I'd love your sad company."

They sat there for a moment, Sirius watching the sunset behind the mountains, and Remus watching him. He watched as Sirius's lips wrapped around a cigarette, the smoke tumbling into the crisp air.

Sirius broke the silence, "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Remus nodded, "You're beautiful," He thought.

Sirius looked at his friend and let out a light laugh, "What's on your mind, Moons?"

"Oh, nothing, it's nothing." A rosy red appeared under his freckles, "I was just thinking about all the lung cancer you're going to get."

Sirius rolled his eyes, taking an extra long drag of his cigarette before blowing all of the smoke in Remus's face, "Live a little, Rem."

"Well I'm most definitely going to outlive you, does that count?" Remus teased, playfully bumping his shoulder into Sirius's.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed morosely, "You're spot on with that prediction. "

Remus's heart sank at the sadness in Sirius's voice, "What do you mean?"

Sirius saw the pain in Remus's face, immediately wishing he never said anything. He shook his head, avoiding eye contact. Why couldn't he allow himself to have a nice moment?

"Pads?" Remus placed his hand on Sirius's shoulder, trying to get him to look him in the eyes, "What does that mean?"

"Nothing, I just mean I have a funny feeling you're right." He shrugged the hand off of his shoulder.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Remus said pointedly, his eyes so filled with concern that Sirius nearly spilled all of his secrets right then and there, but instead he simply nodded and said he had nothing to tell him. He could tell Remus didn't believe him.

"Really Rem, it's nothing, just drop it!" Sirius raised his voice without meaning to, and watched Remus wilt in response. Fuck, why couldn't he hold it together? His head swarmed with warning signs, telling him to calm down and apologize, but another part of his brain told him to just get up and walk away, so that's what he did.

He put his cigarette out on the stone wall next to him, muttered an apology, and crawled back through the window. He left Remus sitting on the roof alone, his eyes brimming with a fresh set of tears.