Wild Watchtower: Shield & Claw Book One

Chapter Thirteen: Shadows and Destinies

As we walked down to the temple, I let my siblings hold the conversation while I retreated into silence. To be fair, Cróga and Aoibhinn weren't much interested in entertaining Lord Styrkr either, and they wandered hand in hand, ahead of everyone else, whispering to each other and occasionally leaning in to kiss. I lagged behind the gaggle of my older siblings, content to let Aisling cling to Styrkr's arm, while Éiri and Céillí smirked behind her, muttering that our eldest sister seemed intent on trying too hard.

Personally, I thought the experience might be good for her; Lord Styrkr's disinterest might at least teach her to play it a little more aloof in the future. Best she learned decorum now, before she left in search of a mate, rather travelling the realm, appearing as desperate as she did while batting her lashes and laughing at everything Styrkr said, whether or not it was funny. I wondered what it would be like to have Aisling’s confidence, to have such utter faith in my own value... And then I remembered that even my brother – my strong, brave, alpha-to-be brother – doubted enough to have to play the game. Perhaps Aisling's confidence was an act too, one she'd perfected while we were young in order to maintain her position in the pack. Maybe everyone played the game...

That didn't offer me much comfort, because it meant everyone was fake. Our whole civilisation would be built on a lie, that the ‘strong’ had simply learned to tell better than the ‘weak'. Was anyone ever honest? Did Father and Mother lie to each other too, or did mates trust enough to show the truth underneath the charade?

I couldn't be sure, but I hoped so. Cróga had let me see a little of what lay underneath the tough exterior he'd built up, and I hoped he would let Aoibhinn see past it too, eventually, if they truly were meant for each other. As far as my own mate went, I didn't expect there would be much love or trust between us. He had to be his pack's heir, because he had no brothers. I had to be his mate, because my father commanded it. We were beholden to the rules of our positions, and so everything between us would be a pretence, to look as though we fit into the roles assigned to us at birth.

“You look grim, sister,” Taibh noted as he fell in step beside me. “I'd say what troubles you might never happen... but I'd be disingenuous. For what it's worth, I don't agree with Father either. I'm not brave enough to defy him like Cróga did; he'd overpower me in moments, but I wanted you to know... I wish you weren't being sent away.”

My throat constricted again, around a tight knot, while I blinked back tears. Reaching out, I ruffled my little brother's hair, noting that he'd grown again, and was now almost as tall as Éiri. He didn't have the bulk of my other brothers, but maybe that would come as he aged, especially when more and more of us left, and he needed to take on greater responsibilities during hunts.

“I'll miss you Taibh,” I murmured. “I'll miss sharing scraps with you, and stealing cake from the pantry when the cook isn't looking.”

“Maybe I can come visit, sometime?” he suggested. “You'll be a beta female, and we won't be able to share food, but it would be nice to visit.”

“That would be a pleasant distraction,” I agreed, looping my arm through his. “You could bring me all the gossip from home, and tell me how well Cróga's taking to becoming alpha.”

The words were out of my mouth before I could reconsider them, and Taibh frowned as he turned unusually serious eyes on me.

“I hope I get to see you before he inherits... Or are you saying that change is already afoot?” Taibh's amber eyes narrowed as he asked, “Is there a reason Father and Cróga were so against us taking Lord Styrkr to the sacred ash?”

Shaking my head, I did my best to sound emphatic as I stated, “No, of course not. Nothing like that. My mind’s just been racing ahead, thinking of all the things I’ll miss; Cróga and Aoibhinn's first cub, Cróga becoming beta, you coming of age. There are so many things that I expected to be here to witness, and now I won't get to see them.”