My Last Dive [Made in Abyss Fanfiction]

12| Tears of a Whistle

Agonizing was the only word I could use to describe our stay at the Seeker Camp. As the weeks passed, our injuries healed, and we staved off boredom with conversation, physical therapy, or exploring the camp.

I often found myself in the Relic storage rooms for hours on end, examining Fourth Grade Relics that weren't worth bringing up to the surface because they'd take up valuable pack space. It was a nice distraction, and I thought about taking one for Aedia. I didn't, but I seriously debated it more than once. She deserved something for making her worry so much.

The more my injuries healed, the more it became apparent that the worst would occur. The sight in my left eye had been damaged. The far corner of my vision had developed a permanent black splotch while the rest had a blurry film applied to it. It was like how my vision was when I didn't wear glasses, except I couldn't even see things up close.

I found myself compulsively blinking the first few days after this was revealed, and people had to stop me from rubbing my eye as well. Something in the back of my mind drove me to do these things, like there was simply dust in my eye. I was proven wrong every time. This was here to stay, along with the quartet of angry red slashes that ran from my forehead to my jawline.

To add more insult to injury, my own appearance startled me every time I'd observe my reflection. It was like I was a different person; literally half of my face had been ruined. I'd run my fingers over the marks that stretched from my forehead to mere centimeters from my jawline, feeling the lumpy scar tissue that was all-too-prominent. The stitching had to be done quickly to stop the bleeding, so there hadn't been time to make them neat to decrease the severity of the scarring. I understood why it had to be done, but that didn't mean I liked them by any stretch of the imagination, or even didn't mind them. These weren't nicks that could be dismissed or concealed; they were on display for everyone to see. I hated them.

How will Aedia feel about this? a little voice would taunt me. What about Mother and Father? How will you explain how you allowed this to happen? And then I'd force myself to stop looking in the mirror, a sick, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I didn't want to have these thoughts. I made myself accept that this was how things would be from now on, and I should be happy I still had both of my eyes. I could still delve, and like Ozen said, this was part of the price I'd have to pay to keep doing what I loved. Still... those thoughts were there, adding to the guilt that continued to plague me. No amount of talking with Melva or Vio would rid me of the guilt. There was no excusing that ultimately, I'd done this to myself, and now I'd have to live the rest of my life this way. I'd opened myself up to be injured worse in the future, that was, if injured was all I'd be.

These times made Melva's company more appreciated than ever. "Keep your chin up," she would say. Or she'd attempt to joke with, "We have matching scars." The gash under her own eye had left a noticeable mark, though it was only one, not four. Not once did she mention Bellan or how he still delved with one eye, and I appreciated it so much. How many thanks did I owe her? Not enough, there would never be enough for all she'd done for me.