Flowers for You (DaiSuga Hanahaki)

Unfortunate

Michimiya
Today

Hi Sugawara, it's Michimiya. I'm reaching out because I haven't gotten the 
chance to talk with you at school. When you're free, could you give me a call?

Certain things have 
Developed

     Sugawara stared at his phone. What could be going on? He anxiously dialed Michimiya. 

     "Hey. Thanks for calling," Michimiya said. She sounded awful. Her voice was strained and croaky. He could hear her coughing over the phone and muttering to herself before returning to the call. 

     "What's up? You sound awful." 

     "You don't sound too great yourself. I think I should just come out and say it. How much do you love Daichi?"

     Silence. Suga didn't know what to say. It made sense that she would be asking a question like that. It was pretty much a matter of life and death. "That's a tough one to answer. I'm not really sure how to describe where friend ends and love begins. Maybe they're just so mixed together that I can't tell anymore."

     "Try."

     "Well, I guess it's this warm feeling whenever I see him. It starts in my heart and radiates to the tips of my fingers. I want to try for him. He always does his best for me and the team, so I always feel the need to make everything easier for him. Being captain isn't exactly the easiest job in the world, especially with two insane first-years that need near-constant surveillance. I just want to be around him all the time now when I'm not wallowing in my own pathetic self-pity." Suga laughed. He didn't know what he was saying anymore. It all felt like sentimental nonsense. Maybe it was all his feelings he had been trying to ignore, or maybe it was just him spewing words into the phone. Whatever it was, it felt good to say them. "My heart doesn't flutter when I'm around him, I don't get embarrassed when we talk. Why would I? We're friends. I think I skipped a lot of the normal 'crush' steps because I was already friends with him. I've always been a wimp, but whenever I'm around Daichi I feel brave. I don't think it's exactly the answer you were looking for, but it's the best I've got." 

     He broke out into a fit of violent coughing. Suga had to run to the bathroom before he got bloody flower petals all over the floor. "Sorry about that." 

     "No no! It's fine! It's fine. Thanks for talking to me. I'm sorry for asking such a personal question out of the blue, but things have just kinda been getting tough lately," Michimiya admitted. 

     "Yeah, I get it. Everything feels like it's blending together. Nothing really stands out anymore. It's like my life has just been thrown into a blender." Suga laughed again. There wasn't anything funny to laugh about. All he could do was laugh, though. Even smiling was hard. I still have to smile. The team needs my encouragement. They've been putting in so much effort, and here I am, wallowing in my own stupid personal problems like the selfish brat I am. I need to be there to encourage all of them. I should be there to encourage Daichi, not thinking about myself. Yet here I am. He flopped down on his bed. School tomorrow was going to be fun. 

     Michimiya was silent on the other end for a long time. Neither wanted to hang up, though. Even if they weren't talking, just knowing someone else was there still made Suga feel less alone. Look at me. Pathetic. "I think I'm going to get the surgery," Michimiya said suddenly, breaking the silence. 

     "What?" 

     "After hearing what you've said I feel like you deserve him more than I do. You sound like you truly love him, Sugawara. The way you talk about him it's just... it makes me think that you're more dedicated to him than I am." 

     "Don't make hasty decisions Michimiya! I haven't even heard what you have to say about it! Think about it for a little longer, at least," Suga begged. This is where my selfishness is getting me. Michimiya is willing to give up Daichi for me. I shouldn't have said anything. "I'm sorry for saying something so selfish."

     "No, don't apologize! I was the one who asked. Besides, I was already starting to think about getting the surgery anyway. I want to be around for my family and for my team. You keep saying that you're being selfish, but there's nothing selfish about what you've been saying. It's not wrong to want things for yourself, Sugawara. From what Daichi has told me before, you're already doing so much to help your team, I just don't think you've realized that yet." Michimiya spoke softly. Her croaky voice sounded a little better speaking like that. "There's only so much of yourself that you can give before you burn yourself out." 

     Suga fell silent. He wanted to take her words to heart, he really did. How could he not feel bad when everyone else was trying so hard for him? They were all trying his best and this stupid disease was causing him to start falling behind. "I guess. Just promise me you'll call before you decide to get the surgery." 

     "Promise." 

~~~

     Monday was a particularly bad day. Suga's head was spinning and his throat was on fire. He felt like something was tightening around his chest and suffocating him. So much for practice again today. Oh well. I'll just tell Daichi in class. 

     The day dragged on in slow agony. Suga had to leave multiple times because his violent coughing fits were so loud. His classmates and teachers would look on with concern. Daichi most of all. Suga hated causing so many distractions. 

     "Sugawara, would you please get the textbooks and pass them out?" The teacher asked. 

     "Of course." Suga stood and wobbled to the back of the room. He felt like his legs were going to give out on him. His head was pounding. He started coughing violently. Petals flew from his mouth, some pure and some dripping with his blood. Girls screamed. Multiple people shouted to call for an ambulance. 

     Suga felt himself sway. Once, twice. Ahh, the classroom floor is looking great today. He feels someone's arms around him, holding him up. Daichi. Of course its Daichi. 

     "Hey, don't pass out on us now," Daichi muttered. He tightened his grip on Suga when he felt him sway again. 

     After that, Suga didn't remember much about what happened after that. He remembered being carried out by a bunch of people he didn't know. Daichi had a pained look on his face as he got into another ambulance. Suga wanted to close his eyes and take a nap, but his lungs had other ideas. In between hacking up magnolia petals and blood, the medics with him asked him questions and kept him awake. 

~~~

     "Holy shit, what happened?" Suga groaned. He sat up and looked around. It wasn't his room. Oh, this is a hospital. Suga realized. Wait, this is a hospital. Oh no. No no no no no. Shit. There's no hiding this from Daichi now. "Well, this can't get any worse, can it?" 

     Well, I can die. That's really a possibility now. I expected to be more upset. Maybe it's just shock. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm an asshat that deserves whatever's coming. Yeah. Probably the second one. About right. If I die then that means Michimiya can have Daichi. That might be the best option here. At least then I don't have to watch him fall in love with someone else. Ugh. I think I'd die anyway if that happened.

     I already know all the risks involved in getting surgery. Besides, I won't love Daichi anymore. If that's all that happens though, then I should be able to fall in love with someone else. Pros, I'll still be alive, I can still play volleyball, and I can still be friends with Daichi. Cons, I won't love him anymore, he'll fall in love with someone else, and there might be other side effects. Ugh, I don't even know anymore. All the cons are such petty little things, but I just can't get over them. I can't even say I have time to think about it. That's what I get for my selfishness.