𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𒀯𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚜

ranting, no hate

this would usually be a topic i would take about to my bff. but she hates my guts now and think i'm some "game master" so yeah, i have to keep this all to myself.

i don't like keeping things to myself for very long, especially 3 weeks. it makes me die inside, i have so much to say, however, i have nobody to possibly talk to about.

i'm not ranting about anybody at all (for once) i'm just discussing how i feel at the moment...

i feel tired, depressed, unmotivated, alone. i feel like just giving up and crying, which i have done a lot these past couple of days.

i miss my crush, i miss my friends. i might seem entitled and cheesy n stuff right now, but i really REALLY miss my crush.

i mean, at least i have my friends numbers and stuff, but i don't have his number.. so i feel really empty inside.

i only have one class with him, science, and he sits behind me and our really old and mentally insane science teacher doesn't like us to move seats, so i basically just talked to him every single day, until now.

we barely even keep in touch due to this stupid fucking coronavirus. the only way we kept in contact is where he replied to my discussion post "yeet" which made me so red and hot, i was so happy then.

but nothing else since then. so i keep on worrying, worrying about next year. what if he isn't in spanish or any of the classes i am in? what if he never speaks to me again after next year? what if i was just that annoying girl who sat in front of him and was only used to kill time?

i did some tarot card readings regarding this. i got the hanged man upright for if i would still talk to to him, and the devil reversed for if i would have classes with him. and it said that i would have a few classes with him, but it said we wouldn't talk much and "letting go" was the best i could do.

i hope we don't just forget about eachother next year. it was so hard to move on from my ex crush, and now it's going to be so hard to move on from him. i don't feel so good right now.

i don't know if i'm the only one in this situation, cause i know most of y'all are either taken or proudly single. but i'm not (well i am single, but not /proudly/ single) , so do you have any advice, if not, that's fine. i just had to get this out of my mind.