Spectre | Bucky Barnes

Part 4

I hadn't looked into a mirror since my first day. I couldn't face up to how different I might look, how much I have changed over the past few months, I could barely remember what I looked like anyway, and I was certain I didn't need a reminder, I don't know what I was afraid of.

I finally plucked up the courage and snuck into Wanda's room, she and Vision were downstairs baking. There was a large mirror housed in here, I stood in front of it; eyes closed. I slowly peeled them open. I was still small, and petite. My skin was pale and my eyes, weren't as dull as I remembered them, they were bright olive green. My lashes where long and curled, and my brows thin and smooth. Every single feature upon my face was perfect and straight, I don't know what I was expecting. Straight nose, straight angled jaw, straight...everything. My hair was a golden blond-brown colour, just past shoulder length, nice and glossy; and my face, small and oval shaped. Why was I scared, worried I had changed. Maybe I was still expecting to see a monster. An abomination of HYDRA.

Suddenly I saw a reflection in the window behind me, it looked like something was on my back, and there just below the base of my neck, on my back was a tattoo, moon shaped and Celtic looking; it was very pretty. Obviously something I had gotten done in my other life, but I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried. I admired it for a short while, looking at how it sat on top of my marble skin.

A few more weeks had passed by, it had been almost six months since I turned up here. I was fitting well into my role within the team. Wanda and Nat were my closest friends. Steve more than fit into his role as doting big brother, he looked out for me more after the lab incident.
Tony still felt guilty and upped his duty as father figure. He apologised over and over again, and I haven't had to undergo any tests since. Bruce too, he hulked out in the forest after aiding FRIDAY in bringing my temperature back down. Sam mellowed, finally forgiving me for outing him. He was worried about whatever it was, that was happening between myself and Bucky. I didn't share his concern. He'd obviously vocalised this to Bucky, because I've barely seen him this past week, like he was avoiding me. The only time we talked was over the dinner table, and it was brief. Perhaps I had done something wrong.

I stood outside his door, thinking of ways to approach him. I watched him as I hid, drawing as much power as I could to stay invisible. Steve tried to ask him about me, but he ignored his questions. Once he told Steve he didn't deserve me. I mulled over his response for days. Surely it was me who did not deserve him, he had cared for me, helped me. Did I deserve it?

I took a break in training with Nat. Steve joined me on the mats more often than not. Natasha had gone on a secret mission without the team, none of us knew what it entailed. I missed her.
Steve was pleased with my progress, I had  become a brilliant marksman with the help of Sam, who had fought in the war. Watching Tony in the lab had sparked an interest within me and in my spare time I became a self taught computer hacker, Nat would be proud and no doubt there would be more to show me when she returned. The day I finally hacked into FRIDAY and sent commands for her to wake Tony up every hour with music blasting in his room, was one to remember. Sam thought it was hilarious. It took Tony a few days to see the funny side, but he was proud of my accomplishments and pulled me in to help with his inventions.

Steve was sure I would be ready to join them on a mission soon. My anxieties came back, I was uncertain of joining them in the field, but at the same time I was excited. I needed to test out my new found skills.

We finally boarded the jet, we headed off north, it took a few hours to get there. Bucky hung back away from me as the jet took off. He was still avoiding me. I made my way over to him as I unbuckled my seat belt. His soft eyes met mine. His body stiffened at my approach.

"Hey." I simply said, I wasn't sure what else to say to him. My brows knit together as I sat beside him and my palms began to shake. I clenched my fists to regain control. I had been getting better at controlling my emotions, which we learnt affected my ability to go invisible. Bucky drastically affected my feelings. My speed was unaffected, it suddenly helped me out of a crappy situation when all Bucky could do was watch as my hands trembled, his face blank showing no emotion. I on the other hand wanted to cry.
I moved quickly, leaving a breeze behind me as I ran back to the other side of the jet to sit next to Wanda who took my hand in hers. She looked behind her at Bucky, who looked up feeling  her gaze on him. He turned away, internally kicking himself after he lost the ability to speak to me. Wanda felt sorry for him.