Why Don't We Sickfics & One Shots

2. Jonah :: You're In The Mirror, But You're Not Seeing Yourself

Eurie: I've had writers block for the past week and change. Buuuuut it's okay. Here's a chapter. Hope you all are staying safe and INDOORS. I will not have my summer ruined because y'all think social distancing is optional. My senior year is already almost completely gone.
This story will cover various eating disorders. It's heavy stuff. If that is something that upsets you, this may not be the fic for you.
Trigger Warning: Anorexia

2019
The best way to get help is by asking for it. But how do you seek out a life raft when you don't know your drowning. Jonah knew this now. But now was him in a hospital bed with IVs pumping him with the fluids and nutrients he so desperately needed.

How'd I get here was a common phrase that ran through his mind, repeating in time with the heart monitor connected to his chest. He never meant to spiral out of control. He never wanted for the younger band members to have to look after him as if he was the baby of the group.

It started out the same way most people's tragic tales begin. He sees himself in the mirror. But the man looking back was one full of disgust. Nothing was outright wrong. More like the subtle things to pick at like the way his skin isn't pulled right around his chest and instead hangs over his pants just a tad or the fact his jawline isn't the chiseled ideal seen in magazines. Small changes he wanted to fix.

Jonah made a fitness plan for himself, as one usually does when they want to live a healthier life. It started out as cutting down what he ate with each meal, therefore he'd eat more meals throughout the day, but in smaller portions. That was a healthier way to live. He began to run and do exercises in his room at night before bed.

While they were home in LA, him and Corbyn found a gym not to far and both spent the money for memberships. Corbyn's brother is a personal trainer and helped select a location. They went everyday while they were home. But that was only a solution when located in one area for a long period of time. There was no gym to follow behind on a trailer while they traveled America.

Losing all that he and Corbyn worked for was a fear that probably weighed heavier in his mind than the thought of their band breaking up and that was a sad fact. Jonah ended up becoming stricter on himself on tour than not. Every few days, his personal fitness plan would be altered just slightly as to make it more difficult.

He didn't realize it was an addiction. But most never do. He was addicted to the exhausted feeing after doing an hour and a half of sets while only eating a protein bar because that sourness, that pain, was, in his mind, associated with success. No pain, no gain, right?

His bandmates didn't notice until Jonah's rib cage could be seen during those rare occasions he took his shirt off. He knows they blame themselves. He wished they wouldn't. He deceived them on purpose.

Jonah figured out subtle ways to throw them off his sent. Whenever he'd take a sip of water, grab an ice cube from the glass as well and chew on that. The next time someone glances over, it looked like he was simply chewing the food that had not moved once from his plate.

Corbyn was the one who got clued in. Jonah didn't want the blonde to know. But Corbyn forced himself into a scene he wasn't welcomed and saw a version of his friend with barely anything but skin on bones. This version of his friend had not had a regular meal in months and no one realized.

They'd just had a big dinner with various higher ups in their record label. Eyes were constantly on Jonah and he could only eat ice for so long. There was no way he'd be able to make his way to a garbage can and dump out the food without anyone noticing. Doing anything to offend or simply weird anyone out during that meeting could be catastrophic for the band as a whole.