My Peaceful Death

Wednesday, September 2, 2054

After finishing the pancakes, I couldn't simply go back to bed. That's not who I am. I have to analyze this whole situation. Why was I with Matthew? More importantly, why was he there? It's not like I know him or have a crush on him. I simply thought of him as attractive and not creepy. Is that even his name? As far as I remember, in college, I didn't even ask his name. He did mention my parents though. Maybe it's just me subconsciously wanting them to be back already. You're just overthinking this Neptune. It was just a dream.

"Neptune I know my waffles were great but you have to sleep alright I can still hear you talking to yourself." Collins opens the door just enough so I could listen to him better. "Do you need some company? Is there something you want to talk about? I know this was your first day at college and you're not sociable like me but I can still offer you some advice if you would like. Sis, all jokes aside you don't have to bottle up your emotions. If you don't want to talk to me about them you should visit the college counselor and tell him what you're going through or if it's not related to college I can call Dr. Nelson who is our designated psychologist so you can talk about mom and dad without holding details back." Collins had been so caring of me since mom and dad left for their mission and he was so sweet I didn't want to act as some annoying teenager.

"Thank you, Collins. It was just a weird dream I was trying to recall. Nothing to worry about." I walk to the door and open it. I hug him tightly. "I couldn't ask for a better brother. Thankyou for your concern and always taking care of me."

"You know it's the highest honor to take care of you silly girl. Now go get some rest. Goodnight Neptune."

"Goodnight Collins." I close the door and decided to go back to sleep not minding my dream.

Beep! Beep! Beep! "Goodmorning Miss Neptune, today is Wednesday, September 2, 2054. The weather for today is 62°F. Its 6:13 and your schedule for today is..."

"Its okay Maybelline you can stop right there." I cover my head with my rosegold blanket.

"As you order Miss Neptune."

Later that day during lunchtime, I saw Matthew waiving at me.

"Hey girl with the cute water bottle, what's up?" he smiled at me as I walked toward his table.

Neptune, you haven't seen him in person since that class so don't act as if you two know each other, and don't be awkward. "Hey you, nothing much just waiting for my next class. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay thanks, do you mind if I make you some company?"He waited for me to reply before he even took off his backpack, that's nice. Neptune the poor guy is waiting for your response. Wake up!

"Take a seat, go ahead. By the way, I think I forgot to ask your name last time, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh my, I'm the one who should be sorry for not introducing myself. My name is"

"Where have you been? We've been looking for you. You simply ran away after our meeting and we had some questions for you, do you have a moment?" this group of boys around my age look up to him as he was some sort of mentor. He looks like a year older than us, so he either graduated late or he took a gap year, maybe he is like a guide to freshman students. It would make perfect sense though, he does look like he's got this college thing under control.

"Umm, girl I'm so sorry, but here's my number," he says as he is writing it up in a piece of paper he grabbed form his backpack, "and let's meet up some time to talk ...if you want though" he laughs a little. I'm starting to like the way he does wait for my response like he really knows what boundaries are.

"Yeah that's alright, don't worry, you do seem important to them." I smile as I wave him goodbye. Well, at least that was better than our last conversation. As I grabbed the paper I was hoping his name was not Matthew or else I would absolutely go insane. Alexander B. Interesting... I don't know if I'm disappointed or relieved, but anyways I save the number on my phone. If there's something I highly dislike from dreams is that they distort your perception of reality. I mean I've never seen this guy before and I know I have to act as if he didn't treat me as his girlfriend and that's just weird. It's like in your dreams your brain makes no distinction between reality and imagination so everything feels real and to your brain, your dreams are also a reality. I don't believe each dream has an obscure meaning or that they predict your future but they are a sign of something occurring in my subconscious. Maybe I was just trying to have some closure and reassurance I would see my parents again and everything in life would turn outright. Maybe I have been too stressed by this and being forced to grow up and being mature, makes me feel like I couldn't get the chance to be a child. But here we are, sitting in the dining hall waiting for my next class. Oh dear, my next class, I almost forgot about that! I start picking up my thing and walking towards the class.

Neptune maybe if you stopped talking to yourself so much you could focus on making friends. Or maybe when I get to talk with myself is the only chance I really have to know myself and be better. I remember Dr. Nelson told me I could take my time to be comfortable with myself first before I decided to invest time making friends. I remember I had so much trouble because after my parents left I simply tried to fit in. I wasn't myself anymore, it was just acting. So in appearance, I looked happy but inside I was bottling all those feelings up and feeling empty with no purpose. I'm glad Collins is here with me and he has done the best he can to help me with this whole situation, as well as Dr. Nelson who has taught me how to interpret my emotions instead of suppressing them. Breathe and take your time to heal Neptune. I open the door and take a seat. Focus, this is what you have been preparing to, so make the best of this learning opportunity in college. I have to keep reminding myself of my goals, keep motivating myself, work to be better so I'm able to help others.