My Life As A Calder

Chapter 1: Early Years

I was born on the 13th of May, 1995 in Manchester to my parents Elizabeth and George Calder. I grew up as a normal child, being family orientated, sporty and musical. I would always do stuff with cousins, either it being sleepovers or going to the park for the day. Eleanor and I were inseparable. El was 3 years older than me, taking the role as my big sister as I was the only child. When I started school, I was the youngest there as I started a year early. I made a few friends but found it hard to adjust and meet new people. I liked to keep to myself, staying out of trouble. My school life stayed like that throughout primary school, leading to me receiving school honours when I left. High school was a living hell for me though.

My first year of high school was a horror. I was constantly picked on and judged on my appearance and personal goals in life. I had a true passion for music and wanted to grow up being a singer or songwriter. Everyone at school picked on me for that, making fun of my ambitions. Pressure got to me at the start of my first year at high school. A burning need grew inside of me, forcing me into things I regret doing and trying to make it into the popular group. I clearly remember the terrible initiation that took place at a party, leading to me losing my virginity at the age of 12. That bought my social status up to queen bee of the school. As the years at high school went on, I became a complete arrogant bitch. I'll admit it, my life was terrible. I would pick on the nerdy new kids and laugh at others clothing choices or actions. My grades dropped dramatically and my relationship with Eleanor grew apart slowly. I snuck out at night, going to parties and meeting up with people. I dyed my brown hair blonde and dressed up in slutty clothing, making sure my ranking stayed up the top. I knew in the back of my mind I needed to stop, but I never did.

It wasn't until I was 14, turning 15 when my parents suddenly confronted me, telling me that my actions were too much and that they were getting a divorce. I was blamed by my mum that it was my fault. That if it wasn't for me, they would still be happy together. My life took a turn, leading to dad and I moving to Australia to start fresh. My whole life changed. I had a second chance to live. My father enrolled me into a private school in Melbourne, pulling me back into line and getting my grades up. I made a large group of real, true friends and started to gain higher grades. Life started to get better. When I graduated high school at the age of 17, I received a certificate of music and performing arts, meaning I had reached my goal. My friendship group split up after graduation, with everyone going their separate ways to their careers. I started working at Victoria's Secret store in Melbourne, selling and modelling lingerie for a good profit. In my spare time, I would write music at home with my guitar.

2 months before my 18th birthday, dad came and told me he was homesick and that he was moving back to the UK. I was devastated but knew I could do it by myself. Dad flew out a month later, leaving me with the house. I cleared away old stuff, finding an old photo album. Inside were photos of me and Eleanor together, playing in a tree. I realised how much I missed her and after a while, gained enough courage to Skype call her. I remember clear as day seeing her for the first time in years when she answered the call. She was so beautiful and grown up. We spent hours talking to each other, talking about our lives and how different they were. That's when I discovered she was dating Louis. I was so excited and happy for her, wishing her the best of luck. I knew I never stood a chance like she did. I shared with her my music that I had written. She begged me to record it and send it to her, so I did.

A week after my 18th birthday, I received a call from El. She had a business proposition for me. She sent me tickets to fly to Manchester so I gratefully took them. When I arrived, I spent ages catching up with her like old times, meeting Louis at the same time. He was lovely. Honesty, I hadn't been a big one direction fan at all, but took a liking to louis straight away. A few days after arriving in the UK, Eleanor drove me to my new 'job'. When I arrived, I was taken back by the company. It was then that I realised I was going to be working for SYCO. I was ecstatic about it all, thanking Eleanor so much since she was the one who sent them my songs. I was signed to them as a songwriter and met my band I was writing for. One Direction. They were all amazing. I couldn't be more happy.

I flew home 2 weeks later, agreeing to work over video chats from home. I worked with the other writers and the boys every week, working on new songs for a new album. I got paid for each song I produced. I ended up successfully producing 27 songs with the other guys over the year. The 1D boys ended up selecting only a few that made the cut, one being the song I wrote a while ago, 'Story Of My Life'. When it was released on Midnight Memories, it became my debut song. My job bought in a load of money, allowing me to sell the old house and move to the beach, buying my first real apartment, costing a massive $2.8 million. I also bought my first car being a Mercedes and a Yorkshire terrier puppy which I named Diego. My life was cruising and I continued to write music.

When I was 18, I got an email from my boss, saying I was needed to tour with the boys during their Where We Are tour. I was excited to say the least. I packed my stuff and jumped onto the first flight to the UK, eager to tour the world listening to my music. I was assigned vocal adjuster for the boys, listening to them live before the show and adjusting their parts or the lines to suit them live. It was a success. I grew close to the boys and El again, spending almost every day with them. I grew the closest with Harry. He was funny, charming and always there to listen. If I had a problem, I would go straight to Harry and he would make it better. We became best friends, filming vines and taking selfies together. I spent half the tour on the bus with them or in hotels with Harold. It was just like one big massive sleepover.

As the tour drew to a close, the boys seemed to lose interest and enthusiasm and became bored. Sophia would often come down and stay with Liam and Eleanor would often stay down with Louis. Perrie would also come down when she didn't have work, leaving harry and Niall. I spent most of the time with them 2, or mainly harry as Niall would always sleep. He was like a sloth, slow to get going and always asleep.

It was a couple of days before tour ended when I was called and told that Diego had died from cancer. It shocked me and hit me like a train. I had loved Diego more than anything. That night, everyone went out to a club in America. I stayed in as I was too upset to go out, so harry agreed to stay. That's when things became heated. It started with one small kiss, leading to more. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but it felt so right.

Tour ended and the boys flew home as I went back to Australia. Life continued and I bought a new dog being a Husky which I named Bruno. He became my life. I later bought a white Pomeranian too, which I named Snow. A new album was later released, being the boys fourth album named Four. We had been working on it all tour, recording whenever there was spare time, being in hotels, vans or behind stage.

2 months later, I was sick and feeling funny. I went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. That was when I discovered I was pregnant. Those words shook me. I couldn't be pregnant. It wasn't the right time. I couldn't. We couldn't. I had to get rid of it. That seemed like my only option to protect Harry. I had to.

I remember going into the abortion clinic and being examined, finding out I was 10 weeks pregnant with what seemed like a little girl. They couldn't guarantee it, but they thought it was a baby girl. It was them that I realised I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill a poor innocent baby. I couldn't live with myself if I had. I decided to keep the baby, planning a way to protect harry. The next problem was telling him.

I Skype called harry that night, telling him the news. He burst into tears, trying to persuade himself it was all fake, but it wasn't. I remember saying sorry to him repetitively, crying too. I felt so guilty to have done something like this to him. I crushed him. He couldn't process it so he left Skype, promising to call me back when he was ready.

That night in bed, I agreed with myself to protect Harry and my baby. I couldn't ruin harry or the boys career and I couldn't just throw this baby into the spotlight. I promised myself then and there that I would give my baby my last name and not tell anyone who the father was, for both harry and the baby's sake.