Afternoon Run (Camren)

fifteen; ❝don't burden yourself❞

"Is she okay?!" Lauren asks as soon as she spots me in the dull waiting room.

"She's — she's fine," I tell her, choking on my own tears slightly.

I went back and forth with my emotions. Feeling like I was okay but then feeling as if I was going to die.

"I can't believe he did that to her! Can I see her?" Lauren questions.

"She's tired," I say impatiently, as I just want to leave.

"What's wrong?"

"Let's go," I tell Lauren, taking her arm and leading her out the hospital with me.

I just need to go anywhere that isn't there. I need to escape the reminders of that pain.

"Camila? You don't seem okay."

"I'm fine!" I snap at her, making her caring smile falter.

"You're not. Talk to me."

I continue walking down the parking lot, while she's a few traces behind me until she pulls my arm, making me stop. I turn to her and I roll my eyes, then I decide to forcefully take my lips to hers.

She lies in the kiss for a moment before she pulls away sharply, saying, "you need to talk. A kiss won't fix anything."

"Kissing you makes me feel better though," I argue, letting a whine escape into my voice.

I feel childish, saying these things that have no logic but the words escape me anyways.

"Talk first."

"I— Fine! I ju— I— I can't believe that he did that to my mom. Who the fuck does he think he is for doing that?"

"I know. I didn't think your father was capable of that at all," she tells me.

Even for someone who I had told all of the details of the divorce to hadn't seen it coming. I, the one who lived it, didn't see it coming.

No one saw it coming.

As more tears fall down my face, I can only croak out, "my mom didn't deserve it! It was my fault."

"No, no! It was not your fault! He was looking for an excuse to hurt someone. Don't blame yourself for it!"

"It's hard not to. If I had just apologized—"

"If you had apologized, he still would have looked for any other excuse to hurt you or your mom," she reasons with me.

"I guess but—"

"Don't. Don't try to burden yourself with something that he did."

"That's impossible to do."

Just like it's impossible to stop my mess of a mind from coming up with the craziest scenarios and making me believing lies about myself and everyone else.

It's overwhelming. I feel as if my head will explode like the world around me, but all I can do is watch. Watch silently as everything falls apart and my entire universe is destroyed.

I hate these attacks. Mental attacks that somehow twist everything and magnify them by 100. I start to focus on the smallest details and relive some of my worst fears.

Lauren seems to know what's happening, and she leans in to slowly hug me, but I push her away. She takes the hint and steps away to give me a moment of privacy.

As ironic as it is to be like this in the middle of a parking lot, I don't want anyone to see me this way.

I sit down, as if it'll help the shakiness of the ground and I rest my back against the back of Lauren's car.