The green coat of luck

Chapter IV, hot urine

After Mrs. Robinson exclaimed what she would do if I decided to leave, I felt hot urine running down my exposed thighs leaving them soaked and sticky.

I Don't want to die! What is this woman? Does she think she can keep me around? As if I am some sort of toy? I am not her pet! Even pets die eventually!

My time is done with this woman, I can't handle her anymore! I can't write anything with the thought of her holding a cold gun against my hot and sweaty forehead. My hands shake whenever I pick up a pen and paper which caused me to give up entirely.

There is nothing I can do to hide this undying and restless feeling within me. I can't leave to see Bella again, I just came home from work and I don't want to die either. 

2

I was trying to eat my soggy and unappetizing breakfast, trying my best not to puke over the table and doing my best attempt at holding my food down. I got through the eggs and the soggy toast which I threw out the window to the crows which tend to eat whatever I throw out that window, bless them. However, if Mrs. Robinson was to ever find out, I wouldn't get any food to eat!

She would starve me to teach me a lesson, as she says. I swear that woman is going to be the death of me before I get the chance to leave.

I almost have enough money stored to escape from this Limbo the universe has created for me. However, my heart can't bear the thought of leaving Bella. Afterall she is the only person that I truly know besides Mrs. Robinson. She is the only one that has been good to me. I don't want to imagine what that would be like, it would be a miracle if I could bring her with me on my trip...

She would get to meet my father with me. It seems so bizarre that I would get to meet my biological father, it had always seemed like a distant idea that would never come to life. Look at me now! I'm going to meet my father one of my life-long wishes.

Mrs. Robinson told me what had happened to my mom when I was nine years old on Mother's Day, her beautiful answer was;

"Your mama? Oh yeah her, she hung herself with a belt, honey. Don't you worry that pretty little mind of yours with stupid thoughts."

I didn't sleep for a week after she told me that, I kept on replaying the image of her hanging from a ceiling fan with a belt around her neck every second of my day! Of course, I have never seen her thus I imagined her with a brown-bag over her head and a body similar to mine but more feminine. However, to this day It's still one of the most notorious nightmares I have ever experienced.

3

I sat down with a secret journal whom Bella gave to me on my sweet sixteen, even though we agreed that gifts wouldn't be necessary! I swear that girl is too good.  Even though there is a chance I might not see her again if I leave. However, don't worry. I will come back just to see her.

Mrs. Robinson blurted out where they found me once and how my father is in the county jail in the maximum-security facility.

"There is no god damn chance for you to see your papa, son. I'm sorry." However, I will not be defeated!

Who does that woman think she is? Some god, who can tell me what to do? In her wettest dream! I am not stopping just because she tries to scare me! I know I was worried earlier, nevertheless, to think of it there is no chance for her to hurt me! She loves me way too much and doesn't want her pet to die, now does she?

That's is the only last bit of hope which is holding me in my loft without feeling my breath double in speed, my hands shake and slowly losing my sanity for a moment. 

4

As I try to hide my shaking hands under my thighs to calm them down while my head is hanging low, I am trying to figure out a plan to sneak out. I have earned about 50 Euros through hard-work at the farm, that can take me far away from this place hopefully. I wish to leave Italy I do not know how and when all I know is that it must be soon. 

The best day must be next week on Monday. She tends to wake up a bit late, due to her headache from her Sunday endeavors in the liquor cabinet; that she speaks so fondly of. What I will do is write a letter biding my goodbye that will be left on the breakfast-table. I will never look back, leaving with only the clothes on my back, my favorite novel, and let the wind take me as far away as possible.