Haruhi - the lovely oh so calming bestfriend of (M/n) (L/n). Those two were the complete opposite, like for an example: Haruhi would never arrive unnoticed at her friends house, the same can't be said about said male cause here he was...at her house, unannounced, watching the poor helpless child sleep.
His (h/l) frame towered over the female as she slept, child like. In the males hand sat a pretty knife, now - he wasn't gonna kill the female, maybe steal a hair or two and do some voodoo with it so that she could stay with him forever and ever but no, not kill her. Instead he was gonna do something much worst...he was going to cook her breakfast.
Fried mushrooms to be exact.
Now he wasn't sure if the female was allergic to mushrooms or not but who even was allergic to such shit. That's like a cat being allergic to milk yet those demon spawns still drink the shit. Ah speaking of cats (m/n) should really tell his to get out of the closest, he knew that little gay sucker been fucking the neighbors cat Tom.
"Little bitch might think I don't know but I know all his doing, little whore been whoring out his tight ass for all the neighborhood cats. Poor Tommy, he don't know he dating a hoe. I need to slip homie a note..." mumbling to himself (m/n) exits Haruhi room to gather his wild mushrooms - he found them outback by some alley. They ain't look poisonous but hey if they were only fun things could follow right?!
"Lets gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song..."
"Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!"
"It would help if, you just sing alon—omg!"
"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G! song!"
"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!"
"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!"
"It would help if you just sang along!"
"What in the living hell is going on in here!"
Ah there she was, the mini chibi. "Haruhi! So glad your awake now. I've made breakfast!"
Haruhi rushes forward upon seeing the fire on the stone, she's quick to push the tall male away from the shove tops and cut the fire off. Her eyes light up like the screen of a opening porn scene. "What are you doing here (M/n)!" She yells at the male. It wasn't like her yelling would wake anyone up, her father was out working as always.
"Simple... I've come to offer this traitor -" he points to the mushrooms he's been cooking...more like burning over the stove. "To you! The human Skeleton whore!"
Haruhi look at the cooked...burnt... mushrooms before she does a double-take towards the male. "What...did...you...just...call...me?!" Each word is laced with Vemon until she reaches the end.
"Well I thought about calling you a bitch but I went with whore instead, it sounded fancier. Like when French people talk, " Bonjour motherfucker!" Ya know?!"
Haruhi glares at the male their eyes stay locked with one another until one of them backs down, that person being (m/n) who's (e/c) eyes are now glancing towards the brunt mushrooms. "So...you gonna eat that?!"
"For your sack and my mental sack, how ol' how did you get back in here?! We've changed the locks twice now!" Haruhi yells at the male who does little to focus on their conversation instead he's muttering to the mushrooms.
"I shall stick your heads on a fork and serve it to the mushroom king. There I shall be crowned knight but I'll betrayal the king and chop his head off therefore dubbing myself king of all mushrooms! I shall be raining in bitches!"
"(M/n)!"
The male glances back towards the female, "How do you do madam meusel?!"
The dark haired female sighs and rubs her temples with her small hands, "Oh god please take this lovable idiot off my hands.."
"There is no god Haruhi. There is only Satan, my lord and savior! I am the devil and I am here to the do the devils work. Lord - my dark lord of hellfire, I am your arm in justice, your righteous and vengeance. Let my blows be true -"
"Shut up (m/n)! Just tell me how you got into my house and I might just not call the cops." Haruhi begins to corner the male who stares at her with a blank look, his expression may be blank and plain but his eyes - oh they hold amusement in those (e/c) depths.
"Bibbidi boopity back the fuck up." (M/n) grins, wide toothed and everything.
"(M/n)..." Haruhi says getting closer.
"Bibbidi boopity go fuck yourself."
"I'll call the cops! I promise you I'll do it," Haruhi says.
'Like her threats mean anything to me, bitch you can't kill me! I'm a bad bitch' thought the male. "Well if must know I entered through the dog hole..."
"We don't own a dog." Haruhi deadplants.
"Welp that's your problem not mine. You should really invest in such creatures, they are like babies but less needy." (M/n) says - after he's done with fucking up his bestfriends life he stands from his cornered spot towering over the female he pets her head like a puppy and steps around her.
"Welp time to die!" And with that said he yeets himself out of the kitchen.
YOU ARE READING
The Unmatched Type
Fanfiction"Previously made under the name 'The Strange Type'" Haruhi has a new friend joining Ouran Academy, they're a bit weird but don't let that discourage you from making friends with them. They're extremely loyal and like a mountain, they'll stick by you...
