Not good enough.

Chapter 5

Im stuck on what to write so sorry for the slow updates ✌

At the age of 5, there was pigtails and laughter. There was bright eyes and believing she was beautiful.
At the age of 10, there was curly hair and a smile. There was dull eyes and believing she was okay.
At the age of 13, there was loose hair and a frown. There was dark eyes and believing she was never good enough.
At the age of 15, there was staright hair and tears. There was lifeless eyes and no longer believed in anyone or anything.

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Jacob was rich. Like proper rich. His house was huge. I was worried what his parents would say but apparently they were never home. Jacob took my stuff to the spare bedroom which was right next to his.

"Are you okay?" Jacob turns to look at me after putting my stuff on the bed.
"I'm fine." I say as my eyes tear up. 'I'm fine.' I tell myself. But I know I'm not. Can't anyone tell I'm not fine? Can't anyone tell I'm broken? Can't you use your eyes to take a look? Look into my eyes and see for yourself, if I'm 'fine'. But no matter what, my answer will always be "I'm fine."

"Holly." Jacob says looking at me with his mind-reading eyes. "Don't lie to me anymore. I am here. You are safe. Everything will be okay." He then grabs me in and pulls me close. I stand there for a second then hug him back. Maybe he could finally stick my broken pieces together. "we have had a busy day. Let's get to sleep." He then helps me get ready for bed.
" Holly. When you fall asleep tonight. Everynight. I want you to think of at least one thing that has been good today. It might be difficult and you might think that there's nothing but, however bad a day has been, there is always one thing, even if it's a tiny thing, that has been good, and sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself that as you fall to sleep." He whispers to me. Then he lays me down and kisses me on my forehead. "good night gorgeous."

As I fall asleep, a million thoughts go through my head.
'How can a small piece of metal have so much power on peoples life's. It has so much power it can kill you. By just one small stoke, blood could come dripping out your skin. It can leave a mark for the rest of your life. But its so small. So many people use this tiny piece of metal everyday to make them feel better. There are probably a billion pieces of metal in the world. From pencil sharpeners to knifes. Yet they all have the power to kill us! I don't understand'
My mind wanders. I start to think about something that happened 5 years ago, or something that happened 2 hours ago, or something that could happen 10 years from now. My mind is like a hurricane, it's a wreak, it's full of awful thoughts. But then, Jacob comes in. 'think of something that has been good.'

Jacob is looking after me. I may be okay. I may get fixed. Everything could work. I am safe.

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Does something ever happened to you that makes you not want to live anymore?

But then, everything changes

And you're finally
Happy.

Or that's what you think..
You know that feeling when after years of falling to pieces, something happens and you finally feel like everything could get better?

That's what I'm feeling now.