The Falling Game (Completed) [R-18]

4 : Stand In The Gap

April 12, 2020

Kainis ka talaga. Feeling mo guwapo ka. Feeling mo gagana iyang mga the moves mong iyon. You always do that. Hindi mo manlang naiisip na lubayan nalang ako kung ganon din naman ang gagawin mo. Siguro nga masokay na iyung ganito tayo. Sometimes we tend to set aside the things in the past but we still never forget. Soon, makakabawi din ako sa 'yo, Dr. Ibarra. Because all I wanted is to see you happy afterall.

- Janine Boromeo

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Janine

Naiinis kong nilapag iyung purse ko at phone ko sa mesa ko.

I placed my hand at my chest as I can still feel the strong beating of my heart. Ganito na 'tong puso ko tuwing nakikita ko siya. I call it the Ibarra effect. Kung puwede ko lang 'tong tanggalin, sana noon ko pa 'to ginawa.

There's clearly no hope for this anymore. I had my chance but I blew it away. I guess I'll have to live with that already. Hindi na dapat ako naghahangad pa. He is already moving on. Baka nga nakamove on na siya.

Kumain na ako ng ice cream kaso gutom parin ako. Cheat day. I want this day to be my cheat day. Kahit ngayon lang. I badly want to let this frustrations out of my system.

Hindi puwedeng may Dr. Ibarra sa systema ko dahil hindi ako nakakatrabaho ng maigi kung bumabagabag siya sa isip ko.

I took my car keys and walked out of my office. Bahala na kung saan ako makakarating nito.

I looked at the time at my wrist watch. It's already past four oclock in the afternoon. Malapit na din ang uwian. Maybe I could just eat outside then go home after. Natapos ko na din naman lahat gagawin ko. Nafinalize ko na din lahat.

Mahirap pala maging Head of Surgery at napapatunayan ko na iyan ngayon. There are times that you need to sacrifice your sleep just so you could finish some papers. Mga OR problems. Mga medicolegal na kailangan kong idaan sa abogado. A lot of things needs to be done by me being the head of surgery.

Minsan nga tuwing napapatingin ako sa pangalan ko na nakalagay sa may table ko ay naiisip ko din si Dr. Ibarra.

I thought I love being Head of Surgery. I was sure of that. But that was what I thought before. My world turned upside down when I felt empty even after achieving this position.

I sighed as I felt my tears down my cheeks.

" The words you had spoken. The actions you showed me gave me hope. I held on to that hope, Ja. I prayed for that because my destiny will always be you. I badly wanted it to be you. I prayed that it would be you. But you did not just break my heart, Ja. You stole my reason to live. You took out the life in me and you heartlessly left me lifeless. You did not give me the chance I asked for. You played with me. You took me for granted and you broke me into pieces."

" The position. It's somehow so important to you that you broke my heart. You love it more than you love me. Or did you even love me, Ja? Are those I love yous even real? Are your smiles for me real? Your laughters. Your whispers of love. Are all those even real? That position, I don't have any thought of taking that position the moment you asked for it, Ja. The moment I knew you wanted it. I was already willing to give it you. It was yours afterall."

Those words from him that never left my mind. It was already engraved in my heart. Na kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas ay baka hindi na mabura pa sa isipan ko.

" Minsan sa buhay Ja, hindi lahat ng pagkakataon ay naayon sa 'yo. You just have to deal with the present but never forget the past. Live with whatever you have now" I thought to myself.