I Told The Stars About You

Chapter 11

When I walk out of the bathroom, I find Kyler in the kitchen making grilled cheese.

"You hungry? We haven't eaten anything today," he says while staring at the sandwich he's making on the stove. Great, I think he's trying to avoid looking at me. I can feel the awkwardness in the air.

"Yeah, that would be great thank you."

More silence.

I stand at the counter that is directly behind him, waiting for him to say something, anything.

He passes me the grilled cheese that he just made and hands me a water bottle, still not looking at me, and then turns back to the stove. I feel sick to my stomach. How could such a great day turn into this? I don't have an appetite, but I take a bite anyways.

"Mmmm. Thank you, it's really good," I say trying to get him to talk to me. He finally turns to look at me and gives me a slight smile and then he's right back to making his food.

Well okay, this isn't going as planned.

More silence.

"Do you regret what just happened?" I manage to squeak out.

He puts the sandwich he was making on a plate, and then turns around and stands right in front of me.

"It's not that simple. I do and I don't." I can feel the bile rising in my throat. I didn't expect him to admit that he does, I mean at least take a girl home, and then you can avoid me all you want. I can't believe this is happening. My throat is drying up and a huge lump is forming in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I just had the best sex of my life, but of course, the boy I did it with, regrets it.

Welcome to my shit show of a life.

Am I really that bad? It seems so if all the guys I've dated eventually turn to other girls for sex.

As if he was reading my mind, he says, "Don't think it had anything to do with the sex, because that was...fuck...it was amazing. It's just our best friends are dating like they are super serious and I don't want to ruin anything. It's not like with other girls, where I know I won't see them or it won't matter if our sexual relationship will go to shit because I won't see them again. But with you, I know I'll be seeing you because of Ryan and Olivia. I don't want to hurt you, because this thing between us will only ever be sex. You need to fully accept that. I know I told you everything before we had sex, but some girls will tell me that they are okay with just sex, but they end up wanting more....and that's just something that I can't give. I can't have that happen between us."

I think I'm going to pass out. I need to run away and get out of here. I'm not going to let Kyler see me cry.

Uh...I need to get some fresh air....just need a couple of minutes." I say while rushing out the barn door, not looking at Kyler. I take a seat in the grass where Kyler and I were sitting earlier. Time must have slipped by because it's now completely dark outside. Have I been here with Kyler all day? I turn around to make sure Kyler hasn't followed me and I'm relieved to see that he didn't. I had the most amazing day, despite what just happened. I love hanging out with Kyler. Just being around him is refreshing and he makes me smile.

I lay down on the grass while staring up at the stars. The cool summer night feels good on my skin, helping me relax. I can hear the swaying of the trees all around me. The thousands of twinkling stars in the night sky almost seem fake because of how bright and clear they are. Being out in the country without any bright lights and city noise is something else.

"Are there any decent guys out there?" I shout to the sky, making sure I keep quiet enough that Kyler won't hear me. I feel my eyes starting to water and a tear slips down my face. I slowly wipe it away making sure that it's the only tear I cry over Kyler. He doesn't deserve my tears.