In pieces | 2Jae

26, Confessions

The door opens behind Jaebum and he turns around to look. A nurse in her mid forties walks in. Jaebum gets up and greets her.
"I'm just here to check on Mr. Choi", the nurse says with a kind smile. Jaebum backs away to the other side of the small room giving the nurse space. She wakes Youngjae up and makes him answer a few questions among other things. She's been here a few times, according to the doctor Youngjae needs to be woken up regularly to make sure the concussion didn't affect anything.
"Thank you, you can to back to sleep now", the nurse says and Youngjae thanks him. She leaves the room quietly closing the door behind her. The last time she came to check on Youngjae he could barely keep his eyes open long enough to answer her but now Youngjae's eyes search the room. He sees Jaebum and seems to tense up.

"Hey", Youngjae greets, his voice quiet from sleep. Jaebum gets up from leaning against the wall and meets his eyes. He can feel relief washing through him like a tidal wave and as Youngjae smiles Jaebum can feel a crack in his heart healing.
"Hey", Jaebum greets suddenly at a loss for what to say. He moves to sit next to Youngjae as the man sits up. Youngjae reaches for the water jug on the bedside table and Jaebum waits patiently as he downs two glasses of water.
At last, Youngjae turns his eyes to Jaebum, a sheepish smile on his face. Jaebum sighs.
"Youngjae. This is the second time you've been to the hospital for over working yourself. You need to be more careful", Jaebum scolds the man with a serious tone. Youngjae's smile falls and he turns his eyes to his lap.
"I know, I'm sorry", he apologises. Jaebum sighs and leans back on his chair.
"No. I'm sorry. I've been giving you hell", Jaebum admits, his eyes on the ceiling. Youngjae doesn't answer and after a while, Jaebum turns his eyes back down to him. Youngjae is already staring at him. The silence stretches between them and once again Jaebum can feel the air crackling. Youngjae's eyes slip down to Jaebum's lips and he has to lock his muscles to stay still. Every fiber of his being is humming with the need to kiss Youngjae but he ignores the feeling. He has to talk now or he's afraid he won't get another chance.

"I want to be with you", Jaebum blurts out. He meant to say it in a more roundabout way, he meant to lay it on more gently but the words escape from his chest without his permission.
"I don't care anymore, about any of it, I want to be with you", Jaebum says again no longer even trying to stop himself. He already started, there's no point if he doesn't go in all the way.
"When I saw you fall... I've never been more scared of anything in my life. I don't ever want to go through that again but if I have to, I'm going to make damn sure that I have no regrets. Because my biggest regret is not being with you. I don't want to keep pushing you away and I'm no longer going to. I give up. I'm done. I want to be with you."
Youngjae's eyes widen with shock. It's clear that this is the last thing he was expecting to hear as soon as he wakes up. Youngjae's face turns pale and for a moment Jaebum is scared he might faint again.
"You- you can't be serious", Youngjae finally gasps out, a light shade of pink appearing on his cheeks. Jaebum stays still, his eyes on Youngjae.
"Do you really think I would be saying this if I wasn't?" Youngjae looks back at him at a loss for words. Then he straightens himself on the bed and closes his eyes. A few seconds later he opens them with new determination. He turns to Jaebum with a body language of someone who's talking to a child. Well, Jaebum can't blame him. After all they've been through, Youngjae must think he has gone insane to suddenly stop pulling on the brakes.
"Ok, listen. You're the one who has been going on about us not being able to be together. You. You have made it extremely clear just how bad of an idea it is, and I agree. Just think about it for a second, okay? We would lose our jobs, our lives if the truth came out. We've been over this a hundred times!" Youngjae says desperately. Jaebum doesn't let his emotions get away from him this time and he stays calm.
"I know. But I'm serious", he says again. Youngjae shakes his head.
"No, you're not. You can't be. Think about it. If it ever came out it would end our careers", Youngjae's voice gets more heated "It would ruin our reputation! Not only ours, all the other members' too! They would get looked down upon just as much as we would and they would get accused of hiding us, even if they had no idea!" Youngjae's hanging onto threads now, pulling out the 'members' card. They've never talked about the effect their relationship would have on the other members but they've both been acutely aware of it from the start. They haven't brought it up before, neither one needing any more excuses to not be together, but this time Youngjae's using every card he has. He needs everything he can get his hands on to shake Jaebum awake.
Jaebum shakes his head.
"I don't care. I would be willing to take the fall for any of them and I'm sure they would do the same", Jaebum answers. He believes it to be true. He knows Mark and Jackson will side with them if the truth ever comes out and he's sure once the others have gotten over the shock, they would too. Jaebum refuses to look away as a look of desperation and pain crosses Youngjae's face.