my girl

eight

Lauren's pov

I drove back home in complete silence, I didn't even bother to turn on the radio. I do regret kissing Casey, but I don't know why. To be honest I always wanted to do that. I guess that I choose the wrong time.

When I parked my car in the garage I sat there for couple minutes. I took her hat and held it close to my chest. Why did I tell her that I will never like her back? I always liked her more than a friend.

When we were little I fell in love with her, she was my first ever crush. But later I learned that I shouldn't love her like that, because it's wrong with my religion. So I forced myself to stop, but it never went away completely.

I hid it well with dating only men and never mentioning that I found a girl super attractive or whatever. But sometimes when I saw Casey with her girlfriends or boyfriends, I always got so jealous! Because she didn't feel ashamed of her sexuality and she was free.

I always felt like she loved me back, but I wasn't sure if it was my imagination making me delusional or if that was true. When she said that she did have feelings for me, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest.

I looked at my phone, it's past 8pm. I should get inside, because she should be home soon. I quietly opened the front door, so my roommates wouldn't notice that I'm back. The last thing that I want right now is for them to question me.

I walked upstairs to Casey's room to wait for her there.

I want to apologise to her and tell her the truth. I sat down on her bed and looked around her room. She's a clean freak, everything has it's place and is perfectly shining clean.

The wall with the door is filled with her guitars. Two acoustic, one is her dad's, she loves it more than anything. One bass guitar that she let Amy paint. One electric guitar and my personal favorite, a keytar. It's a keyboard in a shape of a guitar.

She can play all of them! She's so talented, it's just amazing! She even had the patience to teach me keytar and the electric one.

My text ringtone went of. Maybe it's her!

No, unfortunately it's not. It's Christan, he wants his stuff and everything he ever gave me back. Ugh he's such a jerk. He'll be here soon so I better get everything now. I don't want him to start talking to my friends about anything that happened.

I picked up the hoodie he gave me form his university and threw it into a box. I also picked couple other things and without care I placed them in the box. I took of a picture of him and I together before prom. I looked at it for a second, with a smile and ripped it in half.

This relationship wasted so much of my life. I tried to make it work, but neither him and I loved one another. 

I walked outside with the box and placed it down on the stairs that lead to the front door. I sat down next to it. Soon Christian's car stopped by the driveway. He got out of the car.

"Here's your stuff" I pointed at the box. Christan gave me a bag with my things.

"Tell your new girlfriend that she's lucky that I didn't call the cops on her" he scoffed and showed me his black eye, cut cheekbone and bruised cheek.

"She hit you really hard" I chuckled.

"She has some issues! All these build up anger. Be careful, maybe one day she will hurt you" Christan picked up the box and started walking away.

I didn't say anything back. I know that he's wrong, Casey couldn't hurt a fly. She only punched him because of how he treated me.

My ex-boyfriend drove away, I hope to never see him again. I picked up the things he bought and I went my inside. I made my way to my room and sat down on my bed to see what he brought.

It was only two things. I didn't like being over at his place. Maybe it was because of his gross roommates or the fact that most of them time that we were there alone, he wanted to sleep with me.

One of the things he brought was a bracelet I made him. I thought that it would be cute if he had one with my name on it, but he never wore it.

The other thing was my band's t-shirt. He went with all my friends to the last concert of this year's tour and got it there. I guess that he actually doesn't want to know about my existence.

I threw that t-shirt and the bracelet into the trash.

Today was a lot to handle for me. From everything that happened at 3am to right now. I'm really tired, but I need to wait for Casey to get home. She needs to know my lifetime long secret.

I laid back down on my bed and grabbed my favorite snake stuffed animal. Casey bought it for me for my birthday last year, and from that day I sleep with it every night.

After laying down for couple minutes my eyes began to feel heavy. I couldn't help it so I feel asleep.

I woke up the next morning. At first I didn't know what was going on. My head hurt and my body felt stiff. I lifted myself up from the mattress. I was in my clothes from yesterday, I even had my shoes on.

I blinked a couple times before my eyes concentrated on the wall clock. It's 10am! I need to talk to Casey!

I rushed out of my bed, accidentally falling on the floor. My legs were still asleep. I haven't slept this hard in a long time, my body and mind really needed that.

I swung my door open and rushed to my best friend's room. To my surprise the door was open and no one was inside. I ran down stairs to check if she's there, but she wasn't in the living room or the kitchen.

"Amy?! Mel!? Rachel!?" I yelled through the house.

"Yeah!" I heard Amy tell back from her room.

"Where's Casey!?"

"I don't know! Check her room! I haven't seen her since yesterday's morning!" My sister yelled again.

With a loud sigh I walked back upstairs. She's not at work because she usually goes for afternoon or night shifts. I walked into her room. Everything looked the same as yesterday.

Even the hat is laying in the same spot as I left it. What if something happened to her? I turned around ready to run back to my room to grab my phone, when I noticed a note on her desk.

Dear Lauren,

I know that you're probably worried, but please don't. As you're reading this I'm on my way to LA or I'm already there. I need to leave Nashville for some time.

I lost myself here and I need to go back to my roots to find myself. I know that it sounds cliche but it's true. I want to visit my dad's grave because I know that seeing him will help.

I'm sorry for telling you my feelings, but you needed to know them.

I'll never stop loving you, because you're always going to be my girl.

I love you so much Lauren

I'll see you in two weeks or two months or two years.

Love, Casey